He has a HUGE family!!

[grapefruit]

My FH and I want our dream wedding and in order to be able to afford it, we will invite only close friends and family members but the thing is his family is huge!!!

My entire family only consist of like 6 family members and he has like 150 on his. Holy ****! i don't want it to feel like a family reunion. And I'm talking about close family members who live in our area.

We don't want to cause tension by inviting some and not the others... and trust me, there will be tension caused by this. But we don't want to sacriface our dream wedding... :(

[arlene]

We are both from huge families. His family reunion consisted of over 1000 people. We were afraid we would hurt some people by not inviting them, but a lot of our families understood the price of a big wedding. And are completely happy for us. We just made sure we invited them to our showers and get togethers.

[ElizaE]

This is a very difficult situation. You either invite only immediate family (from both sides) like mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, brothers and sisters (and their spouses) and no one else, or you will have to invite everyone, especially if these are aunts,uncles and cousins. There is no other way to do it without hurting feelings by inviting just a select few. You can have your wedding and maybe after the honeymoon you can invite them to a big picnic in a park with hot dogs and burgers.

Good luck

[ChibiAiChan]

wow thats JUST like my situation was with me and my DH! His family is only literally like 6 people and my family is ridiculously HUGE! What we did was invited parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles and friends and thats it. No cousins =( But they totally understood! Which is good considering, counting my sister and I there is 13 grandkids on my dads side and 12 on my moms.... Just explain. We had a little less than 50 people at our wedding.
Goodluck!!!

[SerendipityCrafts]

I had to deal with the same issue for our first wedding. What we decided (with his my parents & his parents) to do, was to restrict the guest list to just our aunts and uncles. We couldn't afford to invite all the cousins too. Our parents invited 3 friend couples each and we invited 6 friend couples.

[grapefruit]

The thing is his cousin got married a couple of months ago (a small wedding) and invited only aunts and uncles and some CLOSE cousins... and then her aunts and uncles were pissed off that their children weren't invited and refused to come. I want a guest list of 150 people but that means I can only invite 75 people because they would bring guests... and I want them to bring guests because it would be awkward for most of my guests if it felt like a family reunion.

[SerendipityCrafts]

The thing is his cousin got married a couple of months ago (a small wedding) and invited only aunts and uncles and some CLOSE cousins... and then her aunts and uncles were pissed off that their children weren't invited and refused to come.

I would think that the aunts and uncles that were upset were angry because some of the cousins were invited but not their children.

So if the same thing happens to you ........ this means less that you will have to feed or more friends that you can invite. I guess what I am saying is that you have to draw the line somewhere or someone is going to have to help pay ........

Get this ...... some of my ex's aunts and uncles couldn't attend and they passed their invite on to one of their kids!!!! I guess they wanted their family to be represented but OMG that takes nerve! If you can't go to a wedding, you don't pass on an invite.

[Scrwballsgrl]

i have the same situtation going on! His family isnt small but its not quite as big as mine, nor would everyone in his family attend even if we do send them an invitation:) Where are my family always figures the more the merrier (i agree) and will be there with bells on:)

[grapefruit]

Get this ...... some of my ex's aunts and uncles couldn't attend and they passed their invite on to one of their kids!!!! I guess they wanted their family to be represented but OMG that takes nerve! If you can't go to a wedding, you don't pass on an invite.

Eeek! That's bad lol... but my friend who just had a wedding was complaining that people were bringing 3-4 guests for each invitation because she didn't rsvp. :purplex:

[cinderellasmom]

We were in the same boat.. and caved in.. now I wish we hadn't-- I think taking the rath of the family for a few weeks until it blew over would be better than spending a year making compromises because we can't afford this many people... Seriously stick to your guns. Make your list of FRIENDS first that you want to come. Then make your list of immediate family and then fill in the leftover slots with extended family that YOU BOTH KNOW!! If you haven't met his aunt from timbucktoo in all the time you were dating then maybe she doesn't need to be on the list.. Harsh I know but in the end you will be able to have the wedding you dreamed of and be able to afford the photographer and the flowers etc that you really want!

PS-- It is so important that you invite your friends!! Thats what makes a wedding fun-- a younger crowd = more dancing, more laughter, more memories

[EarlyBird]

My FH and I want our dream wedding and in order to be able to afford it, we will invite only close friends and family members but the thing is his family is huge!!!

My entire family only consist of like 6 family members and he has like 150 on his. Holy ****! i don't want it to feel like a family reunion. And I'm talking about close family members who live in our area.

We don't want to cause tension by inviting some and not the others... and trust me, there will be tension caused by this. But we don't want to sacriface our dream wedding... :(

Here is the thing about it, is he close to his family? like HONESTLY close? My family is spread throughout the US and even other countries but i SPEAK with my 1st, 2nd, 3rd and even 4TH cousins on a regular basis. Im from an italian family- we are large, and fh has about 10 people total (and thats since his bro got married) but if he had told me that i couldnt invite all my family, i truthfully would have called off the wedding-- HOWEVER, if these are people that he NEVER sees then do it diplomatically- go through the list. stop at AUNTS AND UNCLES (parents siblings) dont make exceptions, dont invite kids under 18 and DONT invite dates that you have never met, even if your great aunt is "SURE" that this is the one that her dear, single son 40 year old bobby is going to marry!
I learned in my process that my family being there was the ONE thing i wasnt compromising on. Because of it, i only get to have 5 friends there (only 1 is bringing adate) while fh is having 20 friends and with dates!
I understand and totally sympathize with your situation (because believe me, i would LOOOOVE to cut my list down to 50 and have my wonderful wedding that i imagined!!) but i also wanted to give you the thoughts from the OTHER side.

Good Luck and hopefully he can find places to cut thta arent going to offend --

[EarlyBird]

PS-- It is so important that you invite your friends!! Thats what makes a wedding fun-- a younger crowd = more dancing, more laughter, more memories


This isnt always the case. (Not causing an argument- just pointing out that as the one on HIS side of the coin (Referring to the OP fh) He may be closer with his family) - i have 9 bridesmaids and 7 of them are my cousins! My family is more of a blast then my friends :)

Is it possible to do a SMALL wedding (50 or 60 people) and maybe do a "family get togetehr" kind of thing for the fams after- maybe set up a family renuion and "after reception party" for you guys in like 4 months after the wedding. That would make it a weekend jammed packed of family affairs and congrats. You would be able to make it more relaxed with bbq and maybe just some beer and wine.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Is it possible to do a SMALL wedding (50 or 60 people) and maybe do a "family get together" kind of thing for the fams after- maybe

Your post reminded me of something else that we did for our first wedding. We invited mostly family to the wedding and meal but the party/reception was open to all of our friends. We asked these people to simply join us for the fun, the dancing & to listen to the band (my ex played at his own wedding reception :))

[grapefruit]

Here is the thing about it, is he close to his family? like HONESTLY close? My family is spread throughout the US and even other countries but i SPEAK with my 1st, 2nd, 3rd and even 4TH cousins on a regular basis. Im from an italian family- we are large, and fh has about 10 people total (and thats since his bro got married) but if he had told me that i couldnt invite all my family, i truthfully would have called off the wedding-- HOWEVER, if these are people that he NEVER sees then do it diplomatically- go through the list. stop at AUNTS AND UNCLES (parents siblings) dont make exceptions, dont invite kids under 18 and DONT invite dates that you have never met, even if your great aunt is "SURE" that this is the one that her dear, single son 40 year old bobby is going to marry!
I learned in my process that my family being there was the ONE thing i wasnt compromising on. Because of it, i only get to have 5 friends there (only 1 is bringing adate) while fh is having 20 friends and with dates!
I understand and totally sympathize with your situation (because believe me, i would LOOOOVE to cut my list down to 50 and have my wonderful wedding that i imagined!!) but i also wanted to give you the thoughts from the OTHER side.

Good Luck and hopefully he can find places to cut thta arent going to offend --

He's not close to most of his relatives but his mom is because that's her 9 siblings and her nieces and nephews.... and grandnieces and nephews.

My FH doesn't have a problem not inviting certain relatives but I think his mom does not approve of that. She wants everyone to be happy... (except us.... j/k...)

She wants a 200 people guest list. She thinks my FH and I should have our reception at a cheaper place but I fell in love with this awesome venue. It overlooks the bay. ^_^ She thought my ring should have been cheaper but I fell in love with the one I picked out.

She is a really loving, and caring FMIL and she's nice about her suggestions but I feel like she disapproves of us having a grand wedding. She suggested to us that we should just elope so that we can save our money for a house. Mind you, she is really Catholic. I understand her concerns, but my FH and I don't want to regret not having our dream wedding... and since we are so adament about having a wedding, she's starting to pick at our plans.... in a very nice way.

[EarlyBird]

She suggested to us that we should just elope so that we can save our money for a house.

So she suggested you to elope and not have her family there, but you can have a wedding without her family? I say remind her of that point- Have a wedding with about 50 people - Ask her the 20 most IMPORTANT PEOPLE that must be invited and let her be mad for a few days :)

If i remember, she isnt paying for the reception correct? Not to be a b**** but if she wants to pick up the bill for the exra 150 people, okay, but otherwise, maybe she should understand YOUR wishes and leave it at that!

good

[CelticAngel]

I'm in a similar boat. He only has his mom and sister (neither of which will be likely to come) but I'm the oldest of 9 kids and 18 grandkids. And quite the handful of friends that I can't imagine my wedding day without. I have a firm vision in mind of the wedding I want but that means the guest list will have to be small. I do agree with the post that if you didn't meet the relative while you were dating that they could be left off the list. I think a big family picnic in the park after the wedding for everyone sounds like a good idea.

[CelticAngel]

So she suggested you to elope and not have her family there, but you can have a wedding without her family? I say remind her of that point- Have a wedding with about 50 people - Ask her the 20 most IMPORTANT PEOPLE that must be invited and let her be mad for a few days :)

If i remember, she isnt paying for the reception correct? Not to be a b**** but if she wants to pick up the bill for the exra 150 people, okay, but otherwise, maybe she should understand YOUR wishes and leave it at that!

good

I agree, if she is willing to pay for the extra people tell her to go ahead and invite them.

[todaysdestinationwedding]

My husband and I had a destination wedding. We limited our guest list to 60 tops. We started with those nearest and dearest, drew the line and never crossed it. We ended up with my children, his parents(mine are deceased), our siblings and their children, our aunts and uncles, and our 6 closests friends (3 of mine and 3 of his) No cousins, great aunts, no extended friends. Everyone understood that we really could not take everyone. One of my aunts pretty much lives on social security and her children(these are my closest cousins) even bought her a new wardrobe for the wedding trip, and they were all slipping her cash, telling her to have the time of her life.
It was great.