Ok.....I may have a problem.....

[CindySue]

As most of you already know, my 4 children and Brians daughter were to be our only attendants. Well his daughter lives in Virginia and would be flying down here for the wedding. Shes a freshman in HS and just made the varsity softball team. The problem is they are having their district tournament during the time she would be here in Texas for the wedding. She doesnt know what she should do. We have left the decision up to her. If she feels its more important for her softball career to play in this tournament, we will miss her, but we understand and arent going to be mad at her.
If shes not going to be here we arent having the sand ceremony with the kids......maybe just us, but if ALL the kids cant be involved, then none will be.
My next issue is should not let ANY of thye kids be attendents? Let it just be me and him? My kids dont realize I had plans for them to actually be in the wedding so no ones going to get there feelings hurt or anything. Brian says for me to do whatever i want, but I really need some advice on this one.
If yall were in my shoes.....How would you handle this situation?
Oh and thanks in advance for your help!!!

[CarlosHoney]

I think that you should let them be in it. I mean, explain to her that you had plans for her to be in the wedding, but not to feel like she has to come. Is there another girl in your family that would want to stand in? Or, the younger of your sons could be the ring bearer... And the other two kids would be the BM&GM..

I think that including the kids in the wedding is a really nice way for them to feel included in the family. When my dad got remarried, he didn't even tell me that it was going to happen. I felt really left out. I wanted to be part of it, even though I couldn't be there. I think it's going to be a nice thing to do to include the kids, even if one can't be there.

Good luck!! :bbmrgreen:

[bnd94]

Why not do the sand ceremony anyway. I am sure you could work it out so one of your other kids could add her portion of the sand and tell everyone that she couldn't make it. It was such a great idea I would hate for you not to do it, unless you would really rather not.

Now about having or not having the kids be your bridal party, that is really up to you two. I think it would be very touching if you did though. Do you think they would want to be in it? I didn't realize you haven't told them your plans yet. Maybe they would rather watch then join in and maybe they would love it too. I am sure it would be a day they will never forget either way. On the other hand it would probably be less stressfull for you if you did have just the two of you. I guess I haven't been much help. sorry :D

[LaceyinPgh]

It really isn't fair to "punish" you and your kids by not allowing them to be involved in such an important day in your life just because she thinks a game is more important. I would still let them be involved and I would still do the family sand ceremony.

[officiant-fica]

Why not do the sand ceremony anyway. I am sure you could work it out so one of your other kids could add her portion of the sand and tell everyone that she couldn't make it. It was such a great idea I would hate for you not to do it, unless you would really rather not.
I agree, you could still do the sand ceremony and let your guests know that Brian's daughter was unable to make it. If you choose to do the sand ceremony with just you and Brian, you could add a reading that each of the kids could read a verse from. But, I would still let them be your attendants. They will be excited and remember it forever. Good luck! Let me know if you need a different sand ceremony.

[CindySue]

You are all right.....but something just dawned on me........what if they dont want to be in the wedding? I never thought about it. Im not going to make them if they dont want to be. Im sure my daughter will want to be but Im not to sure about the boys. What if they all 3 say "EWWWWWW - NO!!!!" Kinda guess I should have talked to them first huh? ABout the sand ceremony......I dont mind doing it with just me and Brian, but I would feel totally uncomfortable doing it without his daughter. That was the whole thing behind it......to help cement us as a family. To me, it wouldnt feel right without the ENTIRE family.
As far as someone else standing up, sure theres plenty, but we agreed when we started realizing how wishy washy our friends are, that it would be the kids only or just us.
I may be rushing things.......she may decide to come down after all, but I feel like I have to have a plan RIGHT NOW!!!

[CarlosHoney]

Ah, Cindy, I know exactly how you feel. I think you should talk to her fisrt, see if she wants to be a part of it. If not, then you could fly solo..

Or, you could talk to all the kids about it, and see if they want to be part of it. If not, no biggie. I think that they probably will, though. I don't see why not.

Unless, of course, you're the evil wicked stepmother of the west.. Then I can see why they wouldn't. But you don't sound like one. :bbmrgreen:

[bnd94]

LOL! Cindy the evil wicked stepmom!! :bblol:

I bet she will choose to be a part of the wedding rather than the game. :D

[CindySue]

Who knows.....I know my daughter will love it....My boys, Im not so sure. i take my 5 year old to the store and hes like "Not girly wedding stuff, again". Its kinda funny. I just feel bad my kids being in it and his not. BTW - shes already had an evil step mother. Im not doing than to her gaian. Now mine sometimes think Im the meanest mom ever.

[bnd94]

yeah I see what you mean.

When can you talk to his daughter?

[CindySue]

yeah I see what you mean.

When can you talk to his daughter?

She was supposed to be calling us either tonight or tomorrow. She was going to talk to her coach about what would happen if she missed the tournament. We dont want her screwing up her HS softball career just to be at the wedding.

[rainbowtreat]

I think you should still ask the other kids if they want to be in it. Even if just your daughter wants to be I think that would work out having just her. I bet she would love to be part of it even if the boys didn't want to. I'd keep the sand ceremony open just in case she does come to the wedding. And even if just the girls want to be in it and not the boys you can still do the sand ceremony with the whole family. Just becasue they are not in the ceremony doenst mean they cant be part of the sand part of it. I hope she makes it. That is a touch thing for a high school girl to decide. How old is she, what garde? It would be harder if she was in a highg grade but being in the 9th or 10th I think she would do just fine in soft ball the rest of the years even if she missed this one. Hope all works out for ya Cindy.

[CindySue]

I think you should still ask the other kids if they want to be in it. Even if just your daughter wants to be I think that would work out having just her. I bet she would love to be part of it even if the boys didn't want to. I'd keep the sand ceremony open just in case she does come to the wedding. And even if just the girls want to be in it and not the boys you can still do the sand ceremony with the whole family. Just becasue they are not in the ceremony doenst mean they cant be part of the sand part of it. I hope she makes it. That is a touch thing for a high school girl to decide. How old is she, what garde? It would be harder if she was in a highg grade but being in the 9th or 10th I think she would do just fine in soft ball the rest of the years even if she missed this one. Hope all works out for ya Cindy.

We actually discussed postponing the wedding until his daughter is down here this summer. Thats not going to happen because Brian thinks thats what she wants. Long story, but she wants to be in both places.....AND he thinks that she has it in her head that we will work around HER schedule. His reasoning was, what if she gets down here and finds something else she wants to do more, are we going to change everything AGAIN? She 15 and going through a VERY selfish stage right now.
She loves me and does want me married to her dad, she just wants everyone to cater to her. Thats his opinion, I dont know....I do know that we had a similiar thing at Christmas. She didnt want to come down because of stuff with friends and such. Then she calls on the night of the 23rd and said she wants to come downto spend Christmas day with us, but she had to be back on the 26th. It was too late to try and arrange something then.
He loves his daughter VERY much and has bent over backwards to give her everything she wants. Now he thinks she taking just a little bit of advantage of that. I dont know......again this is HIS opinion!
I just wish I knew what was going on so I can make or change MY plans accordingly.

[CarlosHoney]

Well, that sounds like every 15 year old that I know. It's alright. She'll learn to prioritize eventually. ;)

[CindySue]

Well, that sounds like every 15 year old that I know. It's alright. She'll learn to prioritize eventually. ;)

Well I remember when I was 15, I thought the world revolved around me too.

[Kacie_bride]

I think missing one game for an event as important as her father's wedding will not ruin her hs ball career. I think the coach would understand. Besides, it's not like it's the last game ever. She's only 15 so there are plenty more games in her future. I hope she'll choose to come to the wedding.

Anyway, I feel stupid because everyone else seems to know what you are talking about, but what is the sand ceremony?

[CindySue]

I think missing one game for an event as important as her father's wedding will not ruin her hs ball career. I think the coach would understand. Besides, it's not like it's the last game ever. She's only 15 so there are plenty more games in her future. I hope she'll choose to come to the wedding.

Anyway, I feel stupid because everyone else seems to know what you are talking about, but what is the sand ceremony?

Brian doesnt think it will affect her softball playing either, but he still leaving the decision up to her. To her, the worlds going to come crashing down.

Instead of doing a unity candle, we are doing the sand ceremony. It like those little sand bottles you see with all the different colored sand layered in them. Its basically the same only instead on lighting a candle, we will be pouring sand into a bottle. We were going to include the kids and they were each going to have different colors too.

[WebLady]

Well, knowing how 15 yr olds can be she may choose her game. I probably would have done the same at 15 :redface: but, then I would feel bad and regret it later, but that is how things go sometimes.

If I was you, I would plan for her not to be at the wedding ... still have the other kids (if they want to) be your attendants and still do the sand ceremony and just have one of the other kids add her part. I also like the idea about reading something that about how the two families are coming together ... it is all about symbolism, she doesn't have to be there for it to mean something to you, or to her one day. Then if she decides to come to the wedding then include her in your plans, but if not then go on about your day. Don't let this stress you ... I know, easier said than done ;)

:goodluck: I know it will all work out :hug:

[Kacie_bride]

Brian doesnt think it will affect her softball playing either, but he still leaving the decision up to her. To her, the worlds going to come crashing down.

Instead of doing a unity candle, we are doing the sand ceremony. It like those little sand bottles you see with all the different colored sand layered in them. Its basically the same only instead on lighting a candle, we will be pouring sand into a bottle. We were going to include the kids and they were each going to have different colors too.

That's a really neat idea, especially for a beach wedding. Then you'll always have that around to look at. I have never heard of that before. Is that popular and somehow I had just never heard of it?

[CindySue]

That's a really neat idea, especially for a beach wedding. Then you'll always have that around to look at. I have never heard of that before. Is that popular and somehow I had just never heard of it?

I hadnt heard of it either until just recently. While we arent having our ceremony at the beach, we are getting married next to a lake.

[bnd94]

The first time I had heard of it I was on another board and felt the same as you Kacie. I ended up googling it to see what it was all about. There are actually quite a few alternatives to the unity candle out there. I never knew that before. :D

[Kacie_bride]

Oops. For some reason I thought you were getting married on the beach. What lake are you getting married by?

[CindySue]

Oops. For some reason I thought you were getting married on the beach. What lake are you getting married by?
Its ok......I wish I could have gotten amrried on the beach, but it would be a 4 hour drive for every body, so we decided on the lake. I have pic in my journal.....the spot is perfect!!!
Its just a little city lake in the town I work in.

[Kacie_bride]

It's probably prettier anyway than the beaches in Texas! I'm sure it is going to be just lovely! I'll look at your journal and see the pic.