My bridemaids

[LaceyinPgh]

I just need to vent for a minute to make myself feel better. Since I can't say it to them I can say it to you.

I have 6 bridesmaids who for the most part are the most useless group of pains in my back end that you can imagine. I don't expect them to be as excited as I am over my wedding. I don't demand them to spend too much time and money on anything. If you look at my journal you will see that I am pretty easy going on them. The only real expense they had was their dress ($150). I told them to wear whatever they wanted in terms of shoes (as long as they were all black) and jewelery. My mother and FMIL are totally paying for the room, food, and cake for the shower. The only thing they asked the bridesmaids to pay for was the centerpieces, favors, and any games they played with prizes. Heck if each of them chipped in $25 that should have covered that well enough. A bud vase on the tables, some candy or candles, and a trip to the dollar store for trinkets for prizes.

Before I rant any further I do have two that are helpful. My MOH, Deanna is great. She keeps me calm and is there when I really really need her. She is also dealing with a husband who is bi polar, 4 kids (2 of which just lost their mother at Thanksgiving), a full time job, and is in school full time. Oh, and she lives an hour away. I REALLY REALLY understand that she isn't going to be avaliable to me 100% of the time. But she has been my best friend since we were little so I don't care. Sean's one sister, Jennie is great too. She really picks up when Deanna can't be somewhere or help me with something. SHe made the enclosures for our std's, the invitations to our engagement party, the invitations to the shower. She is the one who comes over and helps me do things like tie bows or put together invitations. Thank God I have the two of them.

The other 4 though are a total waste. My friend Melinda is only interested in being involved if she can be in charge or if she can make me feel bad. SHe complains daily about how I went out and found the least flattering dress I could for her just to make her look bad. She is a big girl but the rest of the group really isn't. I found a dress that the majority would like, in a decent price range, that could be worn again to a cocktail party. She makes everything about herself. If I call to talk about the wedding, which is rare mind you, she will change the subject and if I won't let her she suddenly had to go. She is just so jealous that it is sad. The thing is that I busted my butt for her wedding. Did things for her that her own sisters/bridesmaids wouldn't do and I wasn't allowed to be a bridesmaid because her now ex husband felt I was to uppity.

I have 2 cousins, Shab and Tash who I felt would really be there since they are family. Everytime I plan something wedding related with them, they call that day and cancel it on me at the last second. The other girls got together to work on shower stuff, they never showed to help. I call and ask a question I get, "Whatever I don't care." Maybe they don't mean to blow me off but that is the impression that I get from them. I have the most selfish family in the world sometimes. But Jesus, I am asking for a couple hours of your time. It isn't like I live close by and am hounding you all the time. I live an hour away and neither of them have ever even come to visit my house because I live too far away. (IT'S AN HOUR!)

The last one is Sean's other sister, Kelly. She just doesn't care. I never get an email response or a return phone call. If I do hear back from her it is through Jennie. If she didn't want to be invovled than she should have said no to being a bridesmaid. The last time I hear anything about the wedding from her was in September when we ordered her dress. That was it. I ran my butt off for her wedding too and I didn't have to. I did it because she was my fiance's sister and that made us fmaily.

Today I made an appointment for my hair trial. When I talked ot my hair dresser he said to bring a final headcount of who all is coming to the salon that day to get their hair done. He would need to schedule other stylists to get us all done, ect. Well I figured that we could all at least spend the morning getting ready together just like every other wedding I have ever been in. I haven't wanted to spend my whole day doing it, but I have because that was just a part of the job. I sent out an email to my girls asking them to let me know if they woul dbe there and letting them know approximately how much it would cost. I also told them that I understood if they didn't want to come there but I would really like for all of use to spend some quiet time alone before the wedding. So far I have heard back from three of them telling me they will just meet me at the church around 1 for pictures.

I feel so let down by them. I didn't even want a big wedding party. I just really wanted Deanna. But Sean insisted that he had to have all of his friends so now I am stuck with these people who don't gives a rat's butt about my wedding. My feelings are just really hurt by them right now.

[CindySue]

I hate that your having problems with your bridemaids like this. I had 2 friends that were going to be in the wedding but they were "fired". All we are having is the kids as our attendents.
Good Luck with everything though.....just hang in there and break out the chair when needed :chair:

[WhiskeyGirl]

That sucks Lacey!! BMs are such a royal pain in the arse!! I had nothing but greif with two out of three of them!! I'd send out a bulk email telling them how it makes me feel. That I asked them to be in my wedding party because I thought I could count on them and then they pull this BS. (of course in nicer terms!!) Maybe that'll get something more positive from them! Or have Sean talk to his sisters!! They are HIS sisters after all! When I had problems with my SIL I had my parents talk to my brother. (we don't see eye to eye a lot of time and it would have ended up a yellin and screaming match!!) So yeah, I'm sorry this is happening and I hope that everyone bucks and up and helps out more!! If you need to rant and rave you know where we are!!

[usahgrad]

I'm sorry you're having bm problems. I can't say as though my situation is any better, but I'm not really expecting much. My MOH lives in Lansing (5 hours away) and another bm lives in Chicago (8 hours away), so I wasn't expecting much out of them and they have actually been there when I really needed someone anyways, in terms of talking to me and getting measurements that I needed. My sister, well, if you know anything about my sister, that's self explanatory. Out of all my bms it's my FH's 15 year old niece who has physically helped out the most, but her location helps (she lives about six blocks from me). The three little ones I don't expect much out of either.

However, what is really driving me nuts is my SiL. Her step-daughter, my niece, is one of the jbms and we are making dresses, so I keep asking Sarah (my SiL) to provide some sort of reference for measurement for Kristi (my niece). I keep getting, "Well we need to wait until closer to the wedding because Kristi keeps getting bigger." Ok, honestly, we're less than three months away and the girl has FOUR parents (mom, dad, and step parents) to help her eat better. If in three months she's going to grow so much that the dress wouldn't fit her, then they are not being very responsible parents. AND THEN, they aren't coming for the bridal shower because my brother won't be able to make the drive up with them! ARGH!

Sorry, I just hijacked your complaint thread Lacey. I guess I'll get to my point...I know where you're coming from and I know it's frustrating. Look to the people you know you can count on for help and just accept that the others are pretty much there for show. That's life in a nutshell ain't it?

We love you Lacey and just think, if we could, you'd probably have fifty some-odd women who would bounce at the opportunity to come tie ribbons and spend the whole morning of your wedding with you getting ready. Sorry it's so frustrating for you.

[LaceyinPgh]

We love you Lacey and just think, if we could, you'd probably have fifty some-odd women who would bounce at the opportunity to come tie ribbons and spend the whole morning of your wedding with you getting ready. Sorry it's so frustrating for you.
See that is what I needed to hear, from all of you. I am so glad I have you all to make this process more fun. :hug:

[WebLady]

Yeah I am sorry this is going on with your BM's. Like you said, if they didn't want to be a part they should have said no when you guys asked them.

At least you have the 2, if the others don't want to be involved then 'fire' them and tell your FH the rest of his friends can be ushers and/or candle lighters or something.

Like Kelli said, if we could we would be there for ya ;)

:goodluck: :hug:

[WhiskeyGirl]

Hey if you need an extra BM, let me know and I'll see if I can't book a ticket pronto!! I'm here for ya Girl!! lol

[StaceyMc]

Lacey,
I am so sorry that your BM's are being such pains. Didn't they know what the responsibilities of being a Bridesmaid would be when they accepted?

I've actually turned down the invite to be a bridesmaid once. I was working full time, in school part time and just could not give her the amount of time that I'd need to give her. She understood and was happy that I was honest with her. (Not to mention - she booted out a bridesmaid and I was the replacement).

I was MOH in my sister's wedding and there were two other BMs. The three of us met at my mom and dad's to try on our dresses and talk about the shower. I had done some price investigation on invites and centerpieces and had a place in mind to have the shower and the prices for that as well. We had a nice little meeting and all went home.

The next day, my sister got a call from one of the bridesmaids. The BM was shocked that I expected her to kick in money for the shower. She just couldn't believe that I was asking for money help. Ahhhh...what? It's not like I was asking for hundreds of dollars....probably $75 each would have done it (it was a huge shower) and I would have kicked in the extra if needed. Shortly thereafter, that bridesmaid was relieved of her duties...she did nothing but b*tch about everything (neither my sister or I are demanding).

As for your BM that is b*tching about the dress...tell her that she's free to not wear the dress if she chooses and sit with the rest of the guests. I'll bet that she shuts up.

[CindySue]

As for your BM that is b*tching about the dress...tell her that she's free to not wear the dress if she chooses and sit with the rest of the guests. I'll bet that she shuts up.

I bet she does too..........Good one Stacey!!!

[WebLady]

I told my sister that I would rather be the coordinator than a bridesmaid ... I know I would just want to do everything to make it right ;) And I always do more than I should for people and sadly sometimes it ends up unappreciated :( Sorry you are having to deal with this Lacey ... planning a wedding should be fun

[WhiskeyGirl]

[quote=StaceyMc]
I was MOH in my sister's wedding and there were two other BMs. The three of us met at my mom and dad's to try on our dresses and talk about the shower. I had done some price investigation on invites and centerpieces and had a place in mind to have the shower and the prices for that as well. We had a nice little meeting and all went home.

The next day, my sister got a call from one of the bridesmaids. The BM was shocked that I expected her to kick in money for the shower. She just couldn't believe that I was asking for money help. Ahhhh...what? It's not like I was asking for hundreds of dollars....probably $75 each would have done it (it was a huge shower) and I would have kicked in the extra if needed. Shortly thereafter, that bridesmaid was relieved of her duties...she did nothing but b*tch about everything (neither my sister or I are demanding).
[quote]

I was a lowly BM for my brother and sil's wedding, now I say lowly because my SIL didn't like me back then....I still can't figure out why she even picked me in the first place. Now normally the MOH plans the shower, but her "great" friend/SIL decided she didn't have to do that!! So I ended up planning the shower from two and a half hours away!! I was 19 at the time and had NEVER even been to a bridal shower! I busted my hump and dished out about $150 bucks to put the **** thing on!! (back then I could barely afford to sneeze and use a tissue!!) So I asked the other 2 to kick in some cash, neither did!!!!!!!! I was choked!! Then on top of that, my SIL's side of the family had the nerve to b*tch about what kind of food I served!! To this day I still haven't gotten a THANK YOU for anything that I did for their wedding!! I feel so used, I have no idea why I picked my SIL, four years later to be my MOH. I should have known better!! I am still waiting, seven months later to recieve our wedding present from them!! I mean like WTF?? If they never intended to give us one, they shouldn't have said that they were going to!! I would have been happier having been told that!! ANyhow, now I'm ranting and raving and stealing Lacey's thread!! Sorry!! :bbredface:

To get back on topic, my offer still stands to be a BM Lacey and like Stacey said if your BM complains about the dress tell her she can sit with the rest of the guests!! :)

[LaceyinPgh]

Hell, I'll buy all you girls plane tickets. You can some and help me out on my big day. We will have more fun than my ridiculous family and friends.

[StaceyMc]

Heck...I don't even need a ticket....I just need some directions! :D

[Andriella]

Let me just tell ya, I feel ya girl! My bridesmaids are useless too. My ex-maid of honor lives in Texas (i'm in OH) and she didn't return my phone calls for like a month. I talked to her and basically let her think she was backing down from being my MOH I have promoted my sister ot be my MOH but she doesn't know it yet. She lives an hour away so she can't help too much! She just doesn't want to wear BROWn she keeps callin git that but my last 2 choices for bridesmaids dresses are burnt orange and cinnamon. My fiance's sister is pretty much like, "it's your decision, whatever you want to do!" But she is really hard to get a hold of, she's nice but has some personal issues if you know what I mean:beer_smile: ha ha

As for my so called "best friend" well she is pregnant and I know it's a big deal and all , but even before she was pregnant it was like his! I practically have to put up a billboard to tell her it's my wedding not hers. Of course her opinion matters to me and I want her suggestions but when I don't take them or use them she gets all mopey or gets an attitude. She acts like everything is about her. "We shouldn't have that fabric because I'll still be chubby, and it will show everything. She is due August 20, my wedding is October 7. So she claims that she won't be able to wear a full body tight slip to hide all that chubbiness because she'll still be recovering. She says one thing one day and a totally different thing the next. She's like Jeckel and Hyde. If a dress doesn't make her look like Cindy Crawford, and let me just say that dress doesn't even exist in Mars, then she doesn't like it. Before she found out she was pregnant she was helping me pick out dresses and her opinion on the price was "it shouldn't matter how much it costs, if the other girls can't afford it then they need to prioritze better. My sister and Eric's sister are both in the wedding and so are both of each of their kids. So price was an issue for me. Now that she is pregnant she thinks totally different. I love her to death but the girl is very selfish. She wants all the attention. Even stuff that is not wedding related has to be better than me. She got a new car( a hyndai) when I got my new car shortly after, a Honda, she went a traded her perfectly good car in for a better one (a Toyota) and rubbed it in my face that her car was newer and "better" than mine. She also made me show her father of her baby my engagement ring soi he would know what size to get, she said, and I heard her say it to him, it has to be at least this size or bigger! Can you believe this girl! I don't know why but she is my best friend and has been for years but of course I'm sure there are things about me that she doesn't like! Okay I have to go, it's tim efor me to go home now! Bye everyone! I'll get back on here later!

[officiant-fica]

Lacey, I'm sorry your bridesmaides are being so thoughtless. Can you "fire" them/ If you really wanted a small bridal party is there anyway to get back to that? At least you have the support of the ladies here. Hope it gets better. Have you tried the Bridezilla route, see if anyone "quits"? Hey, it could work.
Good Luck!

[LaceyinPgh]

Lacey, I'm sorry your bridesmaides are being so thoughtless. Can you "fire" them/ If you really wanted a small bridal party is there anyway to get back to that? At least you have the support of the ladies here. Hope it gets better. Have you tried the Bridezilla route, see if anyone "quits"? Hey, it could work.
Good Luck!
I can't fire them. The wedding is 3 months away. They already have their dresses ordered. Ther eis no way I am paying them all back $150 for their poor actions. Besides, Sean wants his friends as his wedding party. That woul dleave the sides totally unever with 6 versus possibly 2. The asthetics of that would drive me completely insane.

As I see it, their poor behavior is a reflection on them and nothing else. If they want to be selfish and uncooth than more power to them. I know for a fact that my friends and cousins were raised far better than that. But if the jealousy and selfishness is something that they are unable to look past, than it is them that will suffer in the long run. Personally after the wedding I KNOW that I have to "break up" with my one friend. She can't get her life in order, makes poor choices, and needs to learn to grow up. I don't want someone like that around. It hurts me to say it but over the last 10 years we have grown apart dramatically. As for the cousins and the one fsil, I am stuck with them. You can't break up with family.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I can't fire them. The wedding is 3 months away. They already have their dresses ordered. Ther eis no way I am paying them all back $150 for their poor actions. Besides, Sean wants his friends as his wedding party. That woul dleave the sides totally unever with 6 versus possibly 2. The asthetics of that would drive me completely insane.

As I see it, their poor behavior is a reflection on them and nothing else. If they want to be selfish and uncooth than more power to them. I know for a fact that my friends and cousins were raised far better than that. But if the jealousy and selfishness is something that they are unable to look past, than it is them that will suffer in the long run. Personally after the wedding I KNOW that I have to "break up" with my one friend. She can't get her life in order, makes poor choices, and needs to learn to grow up. I don't want someone like that around. It hurts me to say it but over the last 10 years we have grown apart dramatically. As for the cousins and the one fsil, I am stuck with them. You can't break up with family.

Its so weird how sometimes after you plan your wedding you realize just how toxic some people are and that you don't want them in your life anymore!! We no longer speak with one BM and my hubby's BM (the two are married) because they are very toxic people! I also no longer get along with my SIL! It's real poop if you ask me, why people think they need to make your life hell when you are trying to plan a wedding!! Next time I am in a wedding party (if there is a next time...lol) I am so going to be the best BM that I can be!! I wish you luck Lacey, only three more months to go!!

PS. My BIL and SIL had the same thing happen...they no longer talk to some of their WP members. And I could go on and on about people who no longer speak to their WP members...I really don't know what it is about people...Meh!! There loss not ours right!?

[WebLady]

I read this book once that called these kinds of people "Crazy Makers" Don't let these people ruin your happiness. :hug:

[LaceyinPgh]

Its so weird how sometimes after you plan your wedding you realize just how toxic some people are and that you don't want them in your life anymore!! We no longer speak with one BM and my hubby's BM (the two are married) because they are very toxic people! I also no longer get along with my SIL! It's real poop if you ask me, why people think they need to make your life hell when you are trying to plan a wedding!! Next time I am in a wedding party (if there is a next time...lol) I am so going to be the best BM that I can be!! I wish you luck Lacey, only three more months to go!!

PS. My BIL and SIL had the same thing happen...they no longer talk to some of their WP members. And I could go on and on about people who no longer speak to their WP members...I really don't know what it is about people...Meh!! There loss not ours right!?

I feel bad about breaking up with a friend. I really do. I have known her since middle school. We always got along great. Plus, she has has one hell of a life that I couldn't imagine. She has an identical twin sister and an older sister. Well, the older sister got pregnant, didn't tell anyone, gave birth in the bathroom, and failed to render aid to the baby so she died. The older sister ended up doing prison time for that. (Which she should have she was 19 at the time she knew better.) While she was away at prison my bm and her twin sister came home one day and found that their mom had moved out. Her boyfriend was tired of all the drama that her kids caused and told her she had to pick. So naturally being the great mother that she was, she picked her boyfirend and skipped town. My bm and her sister lived alone, paid most of the bills, and kept up the house in their junior and senior years in high school. Their dad by the way skipped out when they were 3 and hasn't spoken to them since. He lives in the same town, she just snubs them in public. The mom's boyfriend used to beat the twins pretty badly all the while buying the odler sister pot and sleeping with her. (The mom is now married to this wacko and he forces all three girls to call him "dad".) That is only some of the stuff that went on. There were way too many little day to day issues to list on this entire board. We just don't have the room. Oh, she also got married to the first guy who ever "dated" her and it turned out to be a disaster. They both mentally and physically abused each other until they finally had the money to get a divorce.

My bm has no self esteem. She has unprotected sex with any guy who is willing to sleep with her. Her response is that she is on the pill and she doesn't think she can get pregnant anyway. That is well and good but there are still a lot of funky diseases to be worried about out there. (She has never grown out of that I am invincible stage that teenagers go through) She never has any money because she can't manage it. Her student loans are so in default that she can't even apply for more of them to get a degree and a real job. She always ends up with these go no where jobs that lay her off after 6 months. (Which I get to hear about.) She is shoved so far up her family's butt at the age of 27 that she still asks her mom AND grandma permission to do things. (This is because they always have to pay her way.) Like if I say, "Sean is out of town, after work on tomorrow why don't we meet at the mall and then grab some dinner?" I get the response, "I'll have to ask mom and dad and check with grandma to see if it is ok first. I'll call tomorrow" 90% of the time she doesn't call back. Or if she does, while I am on my way to meet her she calls because something came up and she has to cancel. She had to have her grandmother who lives on social security pay for her bm dress because she couldn't afford it. But, she can afford to smoke 2 packs a day and sit in the bars every night.

To top off her total immaturity she is so jealous and negative. Instead of being happy that I am having this nice wedding she is so nasty about anything I can get her to make a comment on. I was talking about my receptin which is going to be great (at least in my eyes). Her response, "I had my reception in my mother's yard with a cake from Walmart. Of course, YOU couldn't do something like that. Your parents have always spoiled you and made you think you were royalty so why should your wedding be any different, right?" That :censored: me off so bad. I am not one bit sorry that my parents hung around and raised me and that my dad kept a job through my entire life so I could be taken care of. I am sorry however that her parents didn't do any of those things. To top it off, my parents and Sean's parents aren't helping us with much for this wedding. Their thoughts are taht we are going to be 27 and 38 when we get married. We have lived togheter for almost 5 years at that point. We can pay for things ourselves.

I don't want to get rid of a friend but I can't have a toxic person like that in my life. I don't want someone with those morals or attitudes around any kids that I may have one day. It is just too much. I have been trying to help her for years now. There is only so much a person can do before they say to hell with it. Do what you want, you know.

Sorry, I feel like I always take up your time :censored: about things. It just feels good to get it all out.

[WebLady]

First off, you are not taking up our time, we are here for you so vent away ... it is good to get your feeling out.

I can understand how you would feel sorry for the life your friend has had but this doesn't give her an excuse to treat you poorly. She is an adult now and needs to start acting like one. Sometimes it takes a little 'tough love' to make people see what they are doing to themselves and to the people that care about them. However, sometimes even that won't change them. Some people will never change no matter how much you try.

I know I always want to help people but, sometimes you just can't. You can try all you want but if these people don't see the problem and don't want to help themselves then you are wasting your time and energy.

Like you said, you don't need these toxic 'crazy makers' in your life. As I have said many times before, if you can't have loving and supportive friends and family, why have any at all. Sometimes you have to think about what is best for you and your family and just pray for the best for everyone else.

Search inside yourself ... ask yourself "Why am I friends with her? ... What has she done for me lately? Is she there for me when I need her? Is she a positive and supportive friend?" This may seem a little selfish to some but sometimes we have to look out for ourselves, ya know? If she is this way now, how will she be later down the road? Do you think she is going to change anytime soon? Do you want to bring this drama into your marriage?

Good luck and Best wishes :hug:

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree with everything Brandi said so I won't retype it!! lol. And Lacey, never think that your venting is a bother to us! We are all here for one another no matter what!! Take care and good luck!

[9801crystal]

The bridesmaids that are good to you that have gone through terrible stress. Don't be inpatient with them just because their not excited as you. At least they are there for you. But I wouldn't expect them to buy wedding favors or centerpieces. That is a little much you think? I have never heard of a brides maid buying wedding favors and centerpieces. That is the brides job. Can you imagine if they got the wrong thing. By accident and you are stressing as it is. And of your heavy friend that insults your wedding dress that is the evil bridesmaid. She sounds real happy for you. Sounds like she needs to find god in her life and learn some manners. You need to stand up to her and tell it like it is. That is why she insults you all the time. Because you never stand up for yourself. She knows it also. Gee what would Dr. Phil say he would say kick her to the curb.

Also those other people in your life who stand you up to help you with your plans. They say they will be there but then they don't show. Well if they are acting like this already. They would do the same thing on your wedding day. When I sent my invitations and had rsvp cards in them. I even asked do you think you will be going to my wedding. They said I don't know. The thing was they didn't. They didn't show at all nor did my husbands parents. We are newlyweds by the way. But people who you can tell pretend or act and stand you up. Just don't mess with those people. If you let them they will I repeat will ruin your wedding. So take action now!
Crystal

[LaceyinPgh]

The bridesmaids that are good to you that have gone through terrible stress. Don't be inpatient with them just because their not excited as you. At least they are there for you. But I wouldn't expect them to buy wedding favors or centerpieces. That is a little much you think?
Their job is to purchase the favors and centerpieces for the bridal shower. That falls well within a bridesmaid's job description.

[WebLady]

Their job is to purchase the favors and centerpieces for the bridal shower. That falls well within a bridesmaid's job description.
In my experience the only thing the BM's are expected to pay for is their wedding day attire and travel expenses ... and a gift for the couple of course. However, the BM's can help with the bridal shower, but it is primarily the MOH's 'duty' to throw the bridal shower. However, one person should not be expected to pay for a whole party, especially a larger one. In these cases, the best thing to do would be to get all the BM'x together and figure out what each girl and contribute and plan the party from there IMP at least. If the bride wants a big party and her friends can't afford that then she will have to put in as well or just be happy with what her friends do for her. The actual amount that BM's are expected to contribute really depends on the situation of that person and how far they have to come for the wedding. However, they should expect to have to put out some money with the 'honor' :rolleyes: of being a bridesmaid and if they can't or don't want to, then they should either decline to be a BM or explain their situation to the bride.

"Who Throws the Bridal Shower? - Typically, the maid of honor hosts the bridal shower, unless she is a member of the bride's immediate family. (Many etiquette frown on a family member hosting, because it looks like she's trying to get gifts for the bride. Often the mother of the bride and/or the bride's sister will still be involved, just not technically be the host. Others realize that in this modern world, a relative is sometimes the only appropriate host.)

A funny tid-bit about the bridal shower ... "Historically, bridal showers started when women wanted to marry "unsuitable husbands" and thus their families refused to provide a dowry. Friends of the couple gathered to pitch in and make up for the lack of a dowry by helping them set up house. Today, they are a time to share stories, eat great food, and pay special attention to the bride."

I forget my point so ;) ...

[LaceyinPgh]

In my experience the only thing the BM's are expected to pay for is their wedding day attire and travel expenses ... and a gift for the couple of course. However, the BM's can help with the bridal shower, but it is primarily the MOH's 'duty' to throw the bridal shower.

My bridesmaids aren't paying for the shower. My mother with a little bit of help from my fmil are paying for the room and the food. That is costing them both a great deal. It is very important to them both that I have a nice shower. They both understand that if it were left entirely to my bm's and moh that scenario probably wouldn't happen. My mother informed my bridesmaids that it is their duty (as is tradition in this area) to help with the bridal shower. They agreed to that over a year ago when I asked them to be in my wedding. I have never been in a wedding where I didn't contribute a fair amount of money for a shower an some sort of bachlorette party. (Not only because I had to but also because I felt like it was the right thing to do.)

My entire gripe is their lack of appreciation and involvement in my wedding when I do a great deal for them. In fact today my cousin was telling my mom that SHE was upset that I didn't drive an hour to her 2 year old daughter's birthday party this afternoon. This is of course after she stood up my bridesmaids last weekend in organizing the shower. She has never been to my house because the hour drive is too far for her, yet expected of me.

[WebLady]

Yeah, I know how it is dealing with slack people that expect stuff from you and do little to nothing for you.

I actually turned down being a bridesmaid once because I couldn't commit to the 'duties', but I stilled helped where I could and they got a nice gift ;) I told my sister I would rather be the coordinator at her wedding, she said that was cool with her.

Good luck everyone!

[rainbowtreat]

Sounds like she needs to find god in her life and learn some manners. You need to stand up to her and tell it like it is. That is why she insults you all the time. Because you never stand up for yourself. She knows it also. Gee what would Dr. Phil say he would say kick her to the curb.

Crystal

I am sorry to sound this way but I realy find it hard to take what you say as helpful. You come across so rude and overly blunt that I wouldnt take this as advice. You are telling Lacey that she doenst stand up for herslef. How long have you been on this board? I have been here for some time now and Lacey is one of the best girls on here. From what I see she does stand up for herslef. So think about what you saying before you type it. And think about who your saying it too. Yes I have a problem with your comments. I wont deny that. This place is for helping and giving advice and most of us have become good friends on here. So think about that would ya. I dont think how you come across is the right way. We are all stressed enough that if some one was to read what you say and take it to heart how is that helping them? Jut thought I would point out that I didn't like it. Sorry if it was wrong to say but I had to.

[WebLady]

I agree with what Gwen said above ... I didn't care much for that other girls comments either and for much the same reasons she mentioned ... but I just ignored them, I am sure she didn't mean to come off that way.

I sincerely hope I have not upset or offended anyone with any of the comments I have made, on this subject or any other. I have much respect and luv for all of the ladies here and wish you all the best of everything :D :wub: :hug:

[wolf4091]

i am sorry lacey. truly but let's face it they ARE being selfish and they ARE blowing you off. what will they do just wait til the last minute? it sounds like you have done alot of planning on this thing and they need to get with it or get out of it. this should be your one special day to cherish forever. do you really want to spend it stressing over little stuff that can be solved by being honest? do you want someone who doesnt care standing up with you not even smiling for photos? and as for your heavy friend you are not her keeper. nor anyone else's. if she needs all that support there is always jenny craig. i wish you the best in the world. really. don't take their guff!!!

[wolf4091]

rainbow you come across as some do gooder who just cant bear the truth. dont apologize for the way you feel. 9801crystal has the right to her opinion as do you. how about some backbone? some people need a reality check. you must get walked on alot i suspect. sometimes you have to quit whining and do something about a situation before it gets outta hand. just exactly how are YOU helping by putting down another member for what they say? then make this a private forum and not a public one. my opinion, is she is absolutely right. nothing wrong with what she said.

[WebLady]

I don't want to start any drama here but ... While I do agree with some of the comments '9801crystal' and 'wolf4091' but, it is the way they both come off that sort of bothered me personally. For one, these people are new and have not even introduced themselves, they just come on here and start spouting off 'advice'. Yes this is a public forum but as with things in real life there is such a thing as tact, courtesy and compassion ... I would never say such things (even if they were true) to someone I just met, in real life or on a public forum, it is just rude.

And as for 'wolf4091' jumping on Gwen for stating her opinion on the matter, that wasn't nice at all and definitely not the way to make any friends here. She is not week, she just wanted to be nice while stating her feelings on the matter and the way I see if she was giving the benefit of the doubt in case she may have taken things the wrong way. See, adults should be able to disagree and talk about things without started up something.

The problem is that we don't know anything about either of these people and that is what makes the comments seem so harsh IMO at least.

Maybe this is just another 'troll' looking to start trouble, so I am not going to respond any further on this matter. But, if either of these people came here to share wedding ideas or make friends or anything along those lines; this was a BAD way to start.

---- "Benefit of the doubt has been extended, serious engagement attempted, and the fruit it's borne appears to be yet another contribution to exhaustion. There's not much else to be said, not much to be done but a moment of quiet reflection"

[wolf4091]

i dont have to introduce myself to you or anyone else. i believe in privacy. i have posted elsewhere and have not been mean so dont accuse me if you dont know me. i simply do NOT believe in beating around the bush. i do NOT appreciate your public attack on me since i was only stating my opinion. benefit of the doubt can only get you so far. sometimes more is needed. no i'm not a troll as you so avidly put it and yes had my own wedding woes like everyone else here. i am a woman and i stand by what i say. which makes me quite adult thank you. for someone who does not want to bring drama as you say that reply was very longwinded..hence my point. all that just to say you dont like me? we'll just agree to disagree then.

[9801crystal]

My name is crystal. I did not know I was supposed to formally introduce myself. I did not join this site to start trouble. I joined this site because I thought it was interesting. I liked the articles and I like to help with advice.

I did nothing wrong but to give a helping opinion. So my honesty and straight to the point answers. Means I am a troublemaker I don't think so. I have done nothing wrong on this site. I have not threatened anyone or cursed at anyone. So is it against the law to have a honest comeback. I have tact and grace. I am not a wimpy prissy little woman that does not handle it if people don't say what I like. At your job do you cry or gripe if people say something that is not to your standerds. I don't take things personal like some people do. I have a tough outlook I am a military wife that can roll with things in life.

Have a good day
Crystal

[Mary maguire]

Thanks for that, I just read your bridesmaid problems and feel totally awful for you. That really sucks you should cut your bridesmaid numbers down or just tell them that you want them to do what you want them to do, you are the bride and its your day. The funny thing is when you said you busted your gut for one of your friends and you could not be the bridesmaid cos her HTB thought you were too uppidty, well thats pretty similar to what my friends HTB said about me...thats the same bridesmaid that is causing me hassle over a dress colour...she so ruined my happy day of finding dresses with my MOH. I had invited her to come along and help choose but she said she was too busy anyway my other two bridemaids and my MOH are great and supportive. I am thinking of replacing her at this stage but I also dont want to lose her friendship as she is part of a large group of friends. Its so awkard, I have already caved in about not having the same flowers as her, even though I had them in mind...my HTB & MOH are really angry with her for upseting me and think she is selfish not me..am so confused