Self Reflection any thought? LONG

[officiant-fica]

Last night Dh and I were invited to a Birthday Celebration for a friend that has had a rough year. The party was at a notoriously loud, packed, smokey sports bar. John (as we will call him) married a woman who had three daughters from her first marriage that lived with their dad by the mom's choice. John and his wife had one daughter together. After about three years The wife's "real personality" started to come through. I know there are always two side to every story so I try not to judge the wife to harshly. But being that I worked with John for two years and got to see his interaction with his employee's I know that he is the definition of a nice guy. He would drive three hours every other weekend just to get his step daughters even when the wife wouldn't go with him. This summer the wife lost all rights to her three daughters, left John, moved to NY and signed off rights to their child leaving him to raise his four year old daughter. Pretty tough year in my opinion. So last night, I kinda wanted to stay home with a lame (partially true excuse) but I got to thinking, he needs this support, he needs to be surrounded by friends that want only good things for him. Earlier this week there was a post from a bride who's family neglected her wedding ceremony. As I was thinking about not going I remembered how hurt she was. Now, I know John's level of hurt would be substancially less, but her situation made me think twice. When we arrived we found that at least four of our friends were not going to be there. And I was bothered, not only because of personal guilt, but on some level I knew that John would feel a little let down. So my self reflection question to anyone who wants to share or just think about. "How often do we get so wrapped up in our own lives that we can validate our reasons for not being the friend that we expect our friends to be to us?'

[Jenn060306]

Sometimes i wonder if i am neglecting my friends. But then i know i do as much as i can with the schedule i have right now. I am still in school and that is very demanding of my time, i am currently workin for a newspaper as a junior designer, and planning my wedding.
Recently a friend posted on his live journal a comment about thinking his friends are not really his friends and they are simply humoring him. I was really thrown off by this because i didn't feel that way. My FH and i had recently been to his house for dinner and we had a great time. But it does make me wonder if my friends would like more attention for me.
All i can say is i do my best, and if that is not enough then someone needs to tell me. I hardly ever miss an event, but i do know what it is like to not have many people be able to make it to an event of yours. This past year atleast 4 of my friends weren't able to come to the dinner for my birthday. I was really disapointed at first, but then was thankful for the friends who did come. Obviously my relationship with them is different.
Anyways.... that's my 2 cents on the topic.

[CarlosHoney]

Something that I've learned in getting older is that every person feels insecure, and thinks that other people are judging them and don't like them. I used to really let it get to me. Now I recognise when someone is feeling that way, and I try to alieviate it as much as possible.

After meeting Carlo, I dropped a lot of my friends. It's a cliche, for a girl to settle down and never see her friends again... but I saw how his friends treated each other. With respect, with caring, and they showed real honesty and intamacy with each other. I realised that I didn't have that with my friends. I really don't want to be 'fake friends' with people.

If you've ever seen Lost in Translation, there's a scene where Charlotte and Bob are lying on the bed in his hotel room, talking.She says that she doens't know what she's supposed to be. He says "You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you." I'm learning this. When friends don't call, or don't come over, I just remember--I do it to people too, and I don't mean to. Carlo gets mad when his friends screen him, but he does it to them all the time. I try to remember that.

[WebLady]

Yeah I have had alot of 'fake friends'. I feel like most of my 'friends' are never there for me when I need to talk to something.

I have this one friend that we used to go out for lunch at least once a week ... he got a new job around about September and he said it was keeping him busy so our lunch dates started fading. Long story short, I haven't seen or talked to him since Thanksgiving ... well he did send me a text message (I hate that) on Christmas.

I have a couple of other friends that like to call and complain to me about their life and their problems and/or talk incessively about their kids (which is fine) but then don't want to listen to what is going on in my life or talk about what is important to me ... I am beginning to wonder why we are even friends.

Most of the people I know only call when they want to complain and ask me for something and I get tired of it.

I know people change and I do have a pretty different life than most of the people I know (not having nor wanting kids seems to be a biggie) but I don't see why we can't still be friends ... but I am not gonna beg.

But back on the topic (sorry for rambling on there) I guess I do get wrapped up in my life at times ... sometimes I just want to close the door on everything and everyone else and just be here with my DH. But, for me I feel that it is mostly because I don't have strong relationships with my 'friends' and family :(

[rainbowtreat]

I have never realy had many friends. In high school I had friends but no one I would go and hang out with or do anythign out of school with. Once I moved here to NH I got a few friends. I have a couple that I dont see too often. WE have differetn lives and live in differetn towns. But when we do call each other it is just to say hi and check in to see how the other is doing. We remember each other on birthdays and such. We have never had reasons to be mad with each other and we never will. We know that we may play phoen tag for a few days but when we talk we catch up on what ever is going on. And out of the blue one of us might stop in to pay a visit for a few mins. and that is ok. I can say i have 4 realy close friends. And 2 are out of state. The other 2 are out of town. They are all in my wedding and they are all willing to help if I need it. In one way or another.

I find it hard to make time for them but I have to remmind myself that these friends are always there for me no matter what. If I am in a bind and need a sitter. Or I need to talk about things going on. Or I just need to get out of the house and have girl time. And they know the same for me. It has taken me years to get these friends but I adore them.

For example.... I had a night with no kids and no FH at home. I was going to go visit my close friend of 8 yrs or so now because she is on bed rest for medical reasons. Then I thought about it and I just realy wanted to go home. So I called her instead. Asked how she was doing and if she was getting help with her 2 yr old and asked her to keep me posted. I felt better for doing that. Maybe a little selfish for coming home to an empty house but I never get that these days and it was nice. But she unstands that and me.

So yes it is hard to keep in touch and not lose those friends. My friends all have kids and lives that involve others. But I am there for the big things. Birthday parties, baby showers, a cook out here and there. And they are the same for me.

( ok rambling now) sorry but it feels realy good to know I have these friends who dont get mad because we dont talk every other day and we dont see each other but about once a month or 2. If you have those TRUE freinds, they are worth going out of your way once in a while. I love my friends and would not know what to do without them.

And they day of my wedding I am going to have them all in one place at the same time. ( my friends dont all know each other, some have never met ) I can't wait.

[CindySue]

When I moved to the town Brian lives in, about an hour away from where I was at, a lot of my friends got mad. But the thing was, I bent over backwards for some of these people and when I needed them they werent there for me. My little sister (8 hours away) is the one helping with my wedding. Not my friends that live closer. Yes I feel let down.
Now.......on the other side of that, with this wedding and work, I feel like Im neglecting my family. I only have certain time when I can work on the wedding, but I feel like I should be spending time with them......Im just hoping things will be better after the wedding.

[CarlosHoney]

It's so funny that everyone feels the same way about things like this, and often times, you think you're alone. :bbsmile:

I don't get mad when my friends don't call. Not anymore. Why? Because, I could call them, but I don't. And if I don't call them, then whatever. We all have busy lives.

And, Brandi, yeah, when I have a friend who can talk, talk, talk and not let me say a word, I end up losing contact with them. I've got to have friends that can give and recieve.

My best friend was going to watch Elias on our anavarsary. Well, her BF didn't want her to, since they live together, and he didn't want to have to be responsible (and abstain from smoking a joint when he got off work). This is the guy that talks about how they're going to get married one day and have kids. Well, I told her straight. I know that she woulndn't mind, and that it was him... But if he wants kids, and he can't babysit for one night, then he might not be such a good dad. I found someone else, she offered many apologies, and I understood completely.. Though he's a jerk about. he said that it was okay to watch him, he told my friend that he didn't want this happening all the time.. I didn't want Elias being around someone like that. Things like that are hard.

Cindy, I know what you mean. Sometimes I'm making calls, and working thins out, and Elias is looking at me from his little swing, with that look in his eye. "Pick me up." So I feel like I'm neglecting him sometimes.. But when I'm off the phone, or finished doing what I'm doing, I spend some quality time with the little man. And I feel so much better for it.

[CindySue]

Right now as I type this, I have a 45 lb. 5 year old asleep in my lap. I really miss this closeness with him. Before I moved in with Brian, both of my little boys slept with me. I think that was as much for me as it was for them. And although they handled the change great, I was a little let down because they could give it up so easily.
Carrie...hold that little boy every chance you get because one day very soon, hes not going to be little anymore. Mine are growing up sooo fast and I dont think Im ready.