Bad News

[usahgrad]

Hey everyone,

I know I've been pretty obsolete lately, so I was hopping on here to let you all know I miss you and the reason for my lack of participation lately.

Three weeks ago, doctors found something during my mother's mammogram. The lump is about half an inch in her left breast and it is cancer. The free moments I have had outside of work have been spent with her as she looks into her options and tries to figure out what she's going to do.

She had to have an MRI done last week, so they could figure out the exact size of her lump and in the process, they found another lump in her right breast. It's one that they can't see with a regular ultrasound, so they have to do an MRI Guided Biopsy to find out if it's cancerous too, but the doctors are leaning towards the fact that it is.

It's not as serious as it could be; as far as they know, the cancer hasn't spread into her lymphnodes yet, so they caught it early enough to possibly contain it.

She's been very light hearted about it and I think she is handling the news well. The uncertainty of the surgery and exactly how much they're going to need to remove has caused her some uneasiness, but she keeps saying she's not attached to them ("They've done their job," she says), so they can take as much as they need. She even talks about how excited she is to go scarf shopping for something to match the dress she bought for my wedding, if it is needed.

She keeps yelling at her doctors, though, because they keep scheduling things when she's supposed to be doing something with me for the wedding. She had planned to be here for my first fitting next weekend, but may not make it due to the biopsy and her surgery date keeps falling closer and closer to the bridal shower that is in three weeks (she was hoping to have the surgery done earlier, but it's been put on hold due to the second lump). That seems to be the most upsetting thing to her; she feels like she's ruining my wedding and I don't know how to tell her she isn't.

Please keep her in your prayers.

[CindySue]

Im so sorry to hear about all this. We were worried about you. And I will definitely keep you and your mother in my prayers. Good luck with everything!!

[bnd94]

Oh Kelli I am so sorry to hear your news! I am happy to hear though that your mom is taking it well. It is so important to keep a postive attitude. I know alot of people who have had breast cancer and have made a full recovery. Just don't let her procrastinate at all. Waiting is the worst thing she could do as I am sure you already know. We are all hear for you anytime you need to talk. I will be thinking of your Mom and you.

[LaceyinPgh]

Oh Kelli, I am so sorry. I was thinking that something must have been wrong for you to not be on here. If there is anything any of us can do to make you or your mom feel better all you have to do is ask. I'm glad to know that it is a best of the worst cases scenario though. If it hasn't spread yet she has some great outlooks. Your mom is going to be fine.

I understand how you feel. My mom is sick too, she has a heart condition that started right about the time that I got engaged. She tries to wiggle out of doctors' appointments because there is something wedding related going on. Or, she will push herself too hard to go and get something done and in the long run only makes herself sicker. You just need to explain to your mom that you are big girl. You would much rather have her skip out on a dress fitting or a meeting with the caterer than to not have her at your wedding or around to spend time witht he grandkids that will follow. You need to let her know that you understand that it isn't her fault. She didn't ask to get cancer 3 months before her daughter's wedding. So you understand that she isn't going to be as involved. Dress fittings can be rescheduled, surgery and radiation treatments can't.

If you need anything, just ask.

[officiant-fica]

Kelli, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like she is taking it well and that is probably going to make it a lot easier for her to get through as well as assist in her healing. Just keep reassuring her that she's not ruining your wedding. I will send good thoughts your way!

[CarlosHoney]

Aww sweetie. I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. I certainly hope you're alright. I know it's tough, but things will be fine. It sounds like they caught it early enough, and if it hasn't spread, then she'll be totally able to beat it. I'm glad they caught it now, instead of in a few years.

Hugs to you. Take good care of your mama.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I am also sorry to hear about your news Kelli!! I wish you and your mom all the best and I certainly wish your mom a speedy recovery!! Take care and you are both in my thoughts!!

[ikkin510]

Oh Kelli, I'm so sorry about the news. I will definately keep your mom and the rest of your family in my prayers.

[rainbowtreat]

Glad you ok, but sorry to hear about your mom. She and all of you will be in my prayers. Keep us posted when you can. Let us know how things go.

[Jenn060306]

I'm sorry to hear you're mom isn't well Kelli. I hope she's ok, and i hope you're ok. Your mother and you are in my thoughts. I wish you and her the best! Please keep us posted on how things are going. We're here for you if you need to talk.
Best Wishes!

[WebLady]

So sorry to hear about your mom :hug: I will defiantly keep you and your family in my prayers and hope for the best. Staying positive is the best thing to do, although I know it can be hard at times. Having the wedding to think about might be good for both of you.

A knew a lady once that had breast cancer once, she had the lump removed and didn't have anymore problems. Last I heard from her (a few years ago) all was well and she was doing fine.

Wishing you all the best, we will be thinking about you. Let us know how things are going.

[usahgrad]

Thank you everyone. No different news at this point, but I wanted to say thanks for your condolences. I will keep you gals updated and thanks again! You all are really wonderful!

[blueeyedbride]

Sorry to hear about your mom...Please keep us posted.

[usahgrad]

I thought I would give you all an update. After months of waiting, my mother's surgery is finally scheduled for April 13, a week from tomorrow. We're not sure yet if it will be a full or a partial masectomy as her MRI Biopsy was just done yesterday and we won't have the results until Friday at the earliest.

We were lucky actually. Her surgeon is going on vacation and wasn't going to schedule my mother until May 11, which meant my mother would not have been at my wedding. When my mother told her this, the surgeon squeezed her in before her vacation...the one saving grace this surgeon has had.

So, please keep her in your thoughts. I can't tell you all how scared I am. I know it's a simple surgery, but I'm still terrified something will happen to her or that they will find out that all that time we had to wait gave the cancer time to spread to her lymphnodes.

[rainbowtreat]

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Every thign will be just fine I am sure.

[Kacie_bride]

I am praying and thinking about you!

[ikkin510]

I will definately keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us updated!

[WebLady]

You and you mom will defiantly be in our thoughts and prayers.

[LaceyinPgh]

Kelli, you know that we are all here for you. You and your mom will be in everyone's thoughts and prayers. Everything is going to be all right. Your mother has a phenominal surgeon based on what I read about readjusting the schedule. It's going to be ok.

[usahgrad]

Thank you guys! I will definitely keep you all updated. And thanks again...it seems strange that I find so much comfort in a group of women I've never even seen face to face. :)

[andysgirl07]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers also. :hug: Everything will turn out fine!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Kelli I will be thinking of you and your mom as well!! Best wishes to you both!! Take care!

[usahgrad]

Ok, here's some more great news to stir in with this :censored: . Mama got her MRI results back and the lump in her other breast is pre-cancerous, so she has opted for a full masectomy. Ok, but the surgeon didn't schedule enough time for a full masectomy and my mother has severe reactions to anesthetics, so for her health, getting it all done in one surgery would be much better. So we are sitting on pins and needles all weekend because the office can't get in touch with the surgeon until Monday to figure out if there's a way they can schedule more times for Mama's surgery next Thursday. If they can't, we are back to square one, not knowing when the surgery will be. It could be a week before the wedding; it could be this Thursday; this is SO nerve-wracking! I just want to scream at the surgeon! It's not like they didn't know that second lump was there! That's why they put off the surgery in the first place! Why didn't they schedule in enough time in case it was indeed cancerous (which it is)!?!?!?!??!?! :censored: :censored:

I'm sorry you guys, I just am so freaking upset about this. And honestly, I haven't really told anyone. Mama told me Friday and Conan (my brother) asked me how I took it Friday evening and I said I was kind of getting used to the pouring rain. I just want to scream and cry and yell and scream some more, but then I don't want to loose it because, honestly, I just don't have the time or the energy that that would take. Bright side...I'm looking for a bright side here...the silver lining...They caught the second lump REALLY early and would not have caught it if it wasn't for the surgeon requesting the MRI in the first place all those months ago. There, now I'm better. Thought I'd give you all an update.

[WebLady]

Aww Kelli, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know it has to be stressing enough plus being so close to the wedding. But, I am sure it will all work out. Keep your chin up girl. We will all be thinking about you :hug:

[LaceyinPgh]

Kelli, I'm sorry to hear that. I am sure the surgeon isn't SO crunched for time that they can't do all the surgery needed. If the doctor is, than they need to reasses the quality over quantity issue of care that they can give their patients. It is going to be all right. I am learning that everything happens for a reason and it usually works out well. I have faith that this will. Your mom is going to be fine. The doctors will work something out. And you will sit back and realize the same way that I do in situations like this that all that time worrying was wasted. (hugs)

[usahgrad]

Thanks you guys.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Kelli,

I wish you and your mom the best! I will keep you in my thoughts this weekend!! I hope the god forsaken surgeon can get his ducks in a row for your mom. Take care!!

Shawna

[LizabethDavis]

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get here. I am so sorry to hear this and I truly hope that everything works out. We are here if you need us.

[usahgrad]

Thanks girls! No news yet. Although, the surgeon is at a conference (and apparently is totally unreachable...ya right!) so we won't know until tomorrow as to whether or not it will actually happen on Thursday.

Thanks for your support and prayers.

[Jenn060306]

I'm sorry to hear things are going that way for your mom and you. I pray that they'll be able to get it all together so they can do it all in one shot.
Good Luck!

[usahgrad]

Ok, so here's the new news...My mother's surgery has been moved to April 24, which puts it less than three weeks before the wedding. I'm sorry if saything that makes me seem disrespectful towards my mother, but it's something that's on my mind. Actually, what's more on my mind is how I'm going to make time to get there to help my mother out.

My ever-so-helpful coworker this morning suggested I postpone the wedding and reminded me, when I mentioned that I had to rearrange some appointments and I was worried about taking time off of work because we need the money, that I shouldn't be thinking about all that right now, I should just be thinking about my mother. She said that the appointments don't matter and that if we don't have money to buy things for the wedding, then we just don't get them. What she doesn't understand is that the money I'm worried about is money for rent after I've taken a week and a half off for the wedding and that the appointments are important because I HAVE to schedule them on the weekends because I don't have any time during the week because I work and I can't go without those appointments.

But I can't say any of this because it makes me seem like a bad person and even worse, it makes me feel like a bad person! I want to scream at everyone and then I want to scream at myself for being so self-absorbed.

I lost it last night and just cried for like an hour. This isn't supposed to happen right now. Everyone is supposed to be happy and excited, not scared and worried. No one's supposed to get this sick, especially not my Mama!

[rainbowtreat]

I am sorry you are feeling this way Kelli. And I am sorry your mom is going through this. And about the bad timing. No on can realy say they know how your feeling. Is your mom sick right now or is she having the surgery to have lumps removed to be tested for cancer? My sister had a lump removed and had to wait a week or so for the results. But over all she was only off her feet for a couple of days. She got he results back and everything is fine. No cancer. So keep you chin up. Things may turn out to be just fine. I am sure they will.

[WebLady]

aww Kelli, you are not a bad person :hug: you have alot on your plate right now and you are normal to feel the things you do.

I know this is not the greatest thing to happen right now, but I am sure everything will work out one way or another. Just keep the faith and try to be positive. (I know this can sometimes be easier said than done) Work with what you have and do what you can.

Keep your chin up, it will be ok :hug: I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.

[usahgrad]

She has been diagnosed. However, she has a good diagnosis; as of the end of January anyways. Back then, the cancer in one breast hadn't moved into the the lymphnodes yet so they were going to remove it and treat her with hormonal therapy. The lump in the other breast is pre-cancerous, so it hasn't moved into the lymphnodes yet. But there's still the chance that all this procrastination has caused problems, which is scary.

[Kacie_bride]

Ok, so here's the new news...My mother's surgery has been moved to April 24, which puts it less than three weeks before the wedding. I'm sorry if saything that makes me seem disrespectful towards my mother, but it's something that's on my mind. Actually, what's more on my mind is how I'm going to make time to get there to help my mother out.

My ever-so-helpful coworker this morning suggested I postpone the wedding and reminded me, when I mentioned that I had to rearrange some appointments and I was worried about taking time off of work because we need the money, that I shouldn't be thinking about all that right now, I should just be thinking about my mother. She said that the appointments don't matter and that if we don't have money to buy things for the wedding, then we just don't get them. What she doesn't understand is that the money I'm worried about is money for rent after I've taken a week and a half off for the wedding and that the appointments are important because I HAVE to schedule them on the weekends because I don't have any time during the week because I work and I can't go without those appointments.

But I can't say any of this because it makes me seem like a bad person and even worse, it makes me feel like a bad person! I want to scream at everyone and then I want to scream at myself for being so self-absorbed.

I lost it last night and just cried for like an hour. This isn't supposed to happen right now. Everyone is supposed to be happy and excited, not scared and worried. No one's supposed to get this sick, especially not my Mama!

You are not a bad person! A bad person would totatlly be thinking only of themself and not about her mother at all. You have every right to worry about how this is going to affect your wedding. I'm sure your mother is worried about that as well. Your co-worker was way out of line. Your mother would not want you to postpone your wedding. Your mother wants you to be happy. I am so sorry you and your mother have to go through all this. I am thinking about the both of you.

[Jenn060306]

Kelli i'm sorry your co-worker feels that way. It wasn't right of her. I'm sure your mom would be upset if you changed the wedding because of her.

I found this quote and i thought you might appreciate it.
"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."
John Lennon

It's true.... life happends, you have to role with the punches. You can't stop in your tracks to observe it.

[WebLady]

Yeah I forgot to mention my thoughts on your co-workers comments before ... I think that people should just but the :censored: out sometimes. People can be rude and insensitive. Don't let her bother you.

Someone told me once .... "When life puts a hurdle in your path, jump it" Or "If there is a boulder in your path, go around" ;) I know things will work out for you :hug:

[LaceyinPgh]

Kelli, you are not a bad person. A bad person would tell their mother to deal with it, they had a wedding coming up. A bad person woudn't care. You have already sacrified so much for this wedding, you are under so much stress. Of course you are oging to break down with all of this on your shoulders. Tell your coworker that from now on, unsolicited opions will cost her $20 a pop. That should zip her lips.

[StaceyMc]

You are not selfish, nor disrespectful. Like everyone else said - if you were selfish, you wouldn't care and you wouldn't be trying to juggle appointments and worried about things.

More people (such as your co-worker) need to learn when it's ok to say something and when it's better to just listen. Sounds like it would have been better if she just listened, rather that offer her stupid opinion. Like they say, Opinions are like...well...you probably know the rest.

Hang in there.

[Teribridetobe]

Kelli,

I am very sorry to hear about your mother! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts:hug:

[WebLady]

... Tell your coworker that from now on, unsolicited opions will cost her $20 a pop. That should zip her lips.

I need to use that one ;)

[usahgrad]

Thanks everyone. I worked out my schedule, I think (I haven't received confirmation from either of my bosses), but we figured we could use Jason's unemployment checks to make up the difference and I took the day of her surgery off. I bumped a photography appointment up a bit and the plan is that we'll be heading up the Sunday before the surgery and staying until she gets out of surgery on Monday. Not long, but hopefully enough.

Thank you for all of your kind words. And I would just LOVE to see my coworker's face if I told her unsolicited advise would cost her $20 a pop!

[usahgrad]

Just thought I would let everyone know that my mama came out of her surgery very well. She got to go home this morning. She has a little swelling now that they're keeping an eye on, but other than that she is doing well. The surgeon said she didn't see anything in the lymphnodes, but they can't say anything for certain until they get the results back from pathology.

Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes and, if you can spare them, she's still got a long road ahead of her.

[tha_mrs]

I am glad to hear that! I will be praying for your family.

[ikkin510]

Kelli, I'm so glad the surgery went well for your mom! I will continue to keep her in my prayers for a speedy recovery.

[WebLady]

That is very good news! Sending well wishes to you and your family!

[Jenn060306]

I'm really glad to hear everything went well with the surgery and your mom is doing alright. How are you doing?
Hopefully your mom is now in the clear! Take care!

[StaceyMc]

I'm glad to hear that your mom came through well. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers.

[bnd94]

So Happy to hear your Mom's surgery went well!!

[LaceyinPgh]

I am so happy that your Mom is doing well. I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything comes back well and she makes a speedy recovery.

[MOB Karen]

I'll keep her in my prayers!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

You are both in my thoughts Kelli! Sending best wishes and health karma your way!!

Shawna

[usahgrad]

Thank you everyone! You guys have been just great!

Hey Shawna, while your sending health karma our way, could I get some too? I seemed to have come down with one nasty bug!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thank you everyone! You guys have been just great!

Hey Shawna, while your sending health karma our way, could I get some too? I seemed to have come down with one nasty bug!

I"ll send as much as I can, while trying to keep some for myself!! :)