My family ruined my wedding

[lenor_1]

I have been married 2 months now and I still can’t seem to get over how my family let me down. To save money the wedding was in North Carolina at his mother’s home. I gave everyone a years notice to either save up funds or to make other arrangements. Two weeks before the wedding I got a call from my mom saying that none of the family was going. All of the reasons didn’t seamed good enough to skip out on your child’s wedding. MY brother couldn’t get out of work my sister didn’t want to travel with a baby and my mother said they didn’t have the money. I couldn’t believe it they had a year to make this happen!!!!
Finally she told me the truth no one approved of my decision to have a Celtic hand fasting so they were not showing up. I could believe this my brother has had 2 failed marriages and my sister is a whore yet the family embraces them.

I was so upset the day of my wedding I cried all the way to the salon with my mother in law trying to consol me. I even spent the rest of the day trying not to look depressed so I didn’t upset my husband. Now I can’t stand to even talk to them when they try and act as if nothing has happened. I’m hurt and they don’t think they did anything wrong.

[countrygirl]

OH MY GOSH!!!!! I am so sorry to hear that. That is probubly the saddest thing I have ever heard. Not to depress you even more.

Just remember that you married the man that you love, and that is the most important thing. If your family doesn't want to be a part of it, that is thier problem. We go thru similar things w my sister, and there is nothing we can do.

Live your life to make you and your husband (and children??) happy. If you know that you have done right by your family (hubby and kids) then you did a good job, whether your family approves or not.

I am so sorry. I hope that all works out for you.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm sorry that this happened to you! That is very unfair! If it were me, I'd refuse to take their phone calls until they send me a written letter of apology!! I know that a lot of people would say that life is too short but man, what they did is inexcusable!! My heart aches for you, I couldn't have done it myself!! I wish you and your new husband the very best in life, congratulations on your marriage!! And as far as the family goes, keep drilling it to them about how this has affected you and your relationship with them!! We're all here if you need to get more off your chest at anytime!! Take care and be strong! Like the PP said, just remember that you have married the man that makes you happy and find comfort in that and in him!! :)

[officiant-fica]

First of all Congratulations on your marriage! I am so sorry that your family let you down! DH and I had several members of his family unable to make it for similar reasons (and they too had plenty of time to plan) Sadly people, especially family do things that hurt us so deeply that it feels like we will never be able to get over it. But now you've started a new chapter in life. You and your husband are now each other's family. The choice you two will have to make is if you can get past the hurt and allow your family back into your life. What they did was wrong, but when you hurt someone you care about it's difficult to admit it. Sometimes it's easier to pretend like everything is ok. You may have to tell them in no uncertain terms how it affected you, your husband, and your wedding day. And a Handfasting ceremony is a beautiful ceremony! They really missed out on a wonderful spiritual ceremony. Hope things get better!

[CindySue]

Congrats on your marriage.
Sweetie, Im sorry your family has done what they done. A similiar thing happen to my little sister in 2001. She had moved 8 hours away to be with her FH and when they had their wedding, no one from our side of the family made it. My parents (who are divorced) each had stupid reasons for not showing up. My sister knew from the beginning that since I didnt have a car I would have to ride up there with one of our parents. Well I found out at the VERY last minute they werent going and it was too late for us to try and make arrangements to get me there. So I was the ONLY one with a decent reason for not being there. She did get them back though. When she had their first child together (she already had 1) she didnt call them and tell them she was in labor. After they found out she had the baby, they asked why she didnt call, she told them she hadnt had the time to listen to their excuses.

[lenor_1]

Congrats on your marriage.
Sweetie, Im sorry your family has done what they done. A similiar thing happen to my little sister in 2001. She had moved 8 hours away to be with her FH and when they had their wedding, no one from our side of the family made it. My parents (who are divorced) each had stupid reasons for not showing up. My sister knew from the beginning that since I didnt have a car I would have to ride up there with one of our parents. Well I found out at the VERY last minute they werent going and it was too late for us to try and make arrangements to get me there. So I was the ONLY one with a decent reason for not being there. She did get them back though. When she had their first child together (she already had 1) she didnt call them and tell them she was in labor. After they found out she had the baby, they asked why she didnt call, she told them she hadnt had the time to listen to their excuses.

WOW I love that idea Infact we already came up with names for our Future Children and we are going to honer his grandparents by useing thier names as middle names. We also have been thinking of moving lately perhaps i can try to give birth in another state and not bother calling.

Wow everyone you all really made my day. I do have to try and remember all the great things that happend on my wedding day and that i have an awsome new husband as well.

[countrygirl]

Just don't do anything that you will feel guilty for in the future. Don't let them treat you like:censored: , but don't play so dirty that you feel bad. That isn't much fun. Been there, done that!!!

Good luck w what ever you decided to do.

[bnd94]

Oh Lenor I am so sorry to hear your family did that to you. Personally I would go on with my life and give them all the cold shoulder untill they realize what they did was so wrong and hurtful. I don't really have much more to add because I agree with all the ladies.

I am happy that you are going to focus on all the good things that happened at your wedding. We would love it if you would share. If I remember right weren't you having a dress made. I'd love to see pics. :D

[CarlosHoney]

Poor thing! I don't think that a hand fastening warrants a whole family skipping out on your wedding. :censored: them!! You have a new family, and a wonderful husband. Put it all behind you, sweetie. You have everything to be happy about, and down the road, they will be the ones with regrets.

[lenor_1]

Yeah I was having a dress made and it turned out so amazing.
The link below has some great pictures My MIL went a little crazy at the salon but im happy she did.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tenover6/sets/1666321/

[WhiskeyGirl]

Wow your dress was beautiful and you made such a gorgeous bride! Your parents are stupid to have missed such a beautiful ceremony just because of the hand tying ceremony!! Again you were beautiful and congratulations!! All the best!

[countrygirl]

I agree. You looked beautiful, and you help your ceremony YOUR way. That is how is supposed to be done. If the fam can't handle it, it's not your fault.

Everytimy you get depressed, just look at your hubby and remember that you have lifetime of wonderful memories to make w him!!!!

[bnd94]

WOW!! you looked absolutely amazing! What a gorgeous dress. Your family really missed out, but it sounds like you have a new family with your husbands family! :D

Great pics. Thanks for sharing them with us :D

[rainbowtreat]

Loved the pics. You were beautiful in that dress and I loved your hair. Congrats on your wedding and good luck with the family issues.

[andysgirl07]

You looked gorgeous!! Congratulations, and I'm sorry you're family's acting like that.

[Kacie_bride]

You looked beautiful on your wedding. Don't let your family get you down! You have a new family now, but maybe things will work out for you in the end with your family. They are your family, but they were defiantely wrong for what they did. If they give you a heart felt apology, then maybe try to mend things with them. But make sure they apologize and mean it!

[Valmai]

Congratulations on your wedding you look stuning in your pics. I suppose it's all already been said, but you have your husband and a new family and nothing that your parents/family can do can take that away form you. It was very selfish of them and as a parent i can't understand it but its probably one of those things that will never be understand. Just enjoy your life and try to forget the hurt! xxx

[Jenn060306]

:hug:
I am sorry to hear you're family chose to miss out on your big day. I understand how upsetting that must have been. But it sounds like you have a wonderful new family. Try to remember all the great times you had at your wedding. You looked beautiful and it looks like everyone had a good time. You shouldn't have to pretend everything is ok with you're family when it's not. Try to explain to them why you are so upset by it. Maybe taking some time to back off and let them know how bothered you were by it might work. I'm not sure.
But try to remember all the great times and enjoy being with you're new husband.

[lenor_1]

Yeah ive been keeping to myself and not going out of my way to contact them. I figure sooner or later they will realize that im still upset, and have to talk about it but i dont think a simple apologie would do anything. Besides coming from then it would have been half hearted anyway.

On the flip side I have been enjoying the love and kindness from my new family. In fact my new "adopitive grandparents" ( thats what they call themselves) are still bragging to their friends about the wedding and keep pictures with them to show off. I already love them so much and we plan on going to visit often.

[WebLady]

I just skimmed the thread so please forgive me if my comments are repeats ...

First off, congrats on your recent marriage! :cheers:

I am sorry to hear that your parents bailed on you. I feel for you, I have similar issues with my family ... I got in a huge fight with my mother over the way I wanted to have my wedding and who was going to be involved. She said lots of hurtful things, many of which I will never forget. She apologized and I forgave her but we still have a rocky relationship.

As for the 'handfasting', I have never heard of this but I looked it up and it sounds interesting. Here is what I found ...

Handfasting is the ceremony beginning a commitment for a year and a day, after which the couple may return to the place of their ceremony and become permanently married for life, renew their commitment for another year, or walk away from each other with strings untied. Today it can be a betrothal or actual marriage.

I also found this site that has alot of info on it - http://www.handfasting.info/

It this sort of what you guys did? What made you want to do this? I am just curious. I saw your pictures and the whole thing looks very interesting. I really liked your dress and I love your striped stockings :D I have seen a slightly more traditional wedding do the 'tie the knot' thing which I think is similar to the handfasting.

Perhaps your parents were just put off or uncomfortable because they didn't understand the ceremony. Did you try to explain it to them? However, sometimes parents just don't understand even when you try. Are your parents like super religious? That might explain some things.

Anyway, I do think you should be able to have the ceremony the way you want it. Your family should support you in whatever you do, no matter if they approve or not. That is the way I see it at least is. I think that many parents don't seem to realize that when their children grow up they become separate people and that they may not always do or become what they wanted them to. But they still have to love us, we not asking them to really understand, nor do we need their approval. Parents are just suppose to love and support you ... unconditionally. That is what family is suppose to do, at least IMO.

Well, like I have said before with other similar issues ... if your family cannot be a loving and supportive part of your life then they just don't have to be a part at all. Don't call them, and don't answer the phone when they call. (Maybe still send b-day and Christmas cards) Hopefully they will eventually see that they were wrong and apologize. Try not to harbor ill feelings about this, just concentrate on your new family and move on with your life and don't let others get in the way of your happiness.

Good luck :hug:

[bnd94]

Yeah ive been keeping to myself and not going out of my way to contact them. I figure sooner or later they will realize that im still upset, and have to talk about it but i dont think a simple apologie would do anything. Besides coming from then it would have been half hearted anyway.

On the flip side I have been enjoying the love and kindness from my new family. In fact my new "adopitive grandparents" ( thats what they call themselves) are still bragging to their friends about the wedding and keep pictures with them to show off. I already love them so much and we plan on going to visit often.

I am so happy to hear your husbands family has adopted you! They sound so nice. :D

[CindySue]

I am so happy to hear your husbands family has adopted you! They sound so nice. :D

Im with Becky. Its good knowing you DO have family thats going to be there for you. I despised my ex MiL and she felt the same about me. I dont have that BS with Brians family. They love me and I love them. It good knowing I have that, because certain members of MY family are really wishy washy and this time next year we may not be talking to each other.

[9801crystal]

Dear Lenor

I sent you a private message to you about this topic. Because I had asked you a personal question. I was wondering how you are doing and how come I never got a response from you. Like I said to you before my wedding was a little similar. And this happened to my husband at our wedding. But I would like to hear from you.

Take Care
Crystal:bblol:

[CindySue]

Dear Lenor
I sent you a private message to you about this topic. Because I had asked you a personal question. I was wondering how you are doing and how come I never got a response from you.

Dont give up hope yet.....Lenor hasnt been on here since the end of Feb so she may not have gotten your message yet!!

[dee177]

Poor thing! I don't think that a hand fastening warrants a whole family skipping out on your wedding. :censored: them!! You have a new family, and a wonderful husband. Put it all behind you, sweetie. You have everything to be happy about, and down the road, they will be the ones with regrets.

Congratulations on your wedding, Bless you sweetie I cant believe what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life turned in to such a miserable one, But Carrie is right you have to focus on the fact that you have a new and loving family now, It must be so hard that your own flash and blood s=didnt turn up to your wedding due to one minor detail but just rise above and think of the future with you and your husband

[lenor_1]

Dear Lenor

I sent you a private message to you about this topic. Because I had asked you a personal question. I was wondering how you are doing and how come I never got a response from you. Like I said to you before my wedding was a little similar. And this happened to my husband at our wedding. But I would like to hear from you.

Take Care
Crystal:bblol:
I tried to reply but it wopnt let me so I can just reply here.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. Everything has just been crazy since the wedding.

I can’t believe that you had such a similar experience. A wedding, no matter what the theme is special. I’m sorry you had a difficult time with the family.

I agree that my family should have asked us what the meaning of the handfasting meant to us. Of course everyone thought it was a pagan ceremony and my grandmother even called me a witch to my face. For us however it was the thought and the meaning of it that we weren’t just getting married by law or by god but that we were joining our souls and dreams.
A traditional Handfasting would have us exchange blood dropped into a goblet of wine as well as vows. Instead we had our thumbs pricked and pressed together to symbolize our very life essence were now becoming one. Everyone who was there (all 10 of them) kept saying the whole time how wonderful it was and how it was nothing like they expected. My MIL still brags to her friends and show off the pictures to just about anyone that will let her.
It’s been almost 6 months and I still feel like I didn’t get the wedding I REALLY wanted because my family wasn’t there. Of course my mother is still pretending that everything is fine.
I guess that’s ok for her but eventually I'm going to tell her just how much they let me down.

[lenor_1]

I just skimmed the thread so please forgive me if my comments are repeats ...

First off, congrats on your recent marriage! :cheers:

I am sorry to hear that your parents bailed on you. I feel for you, I have similar issues with my family ... I got in a huge fight with my mother over the way I wanted to have my wedding and who was going to be involved. She said lots of hurtful things, many of which I will never forget. She apologized and I forgave her but we still have a rocky relationship.

As for the 'handfasting', I have never heard of this but I looked it up and it sounds interesting. Here is what I found ...

Handfasting is the ceremony beginning a commitment for a year and a day, after which the couple may return to the place of their ceremony and become permanently married for life, renew their commitment for another year, or walk away from each other with strings untied. Today it can be a betrothal or actual marriage.

I also found this site that has alot of info on it - http://www.handfasting.info/

It this sort of what you guys did? What made you want to do this? I am just curious. I saw your pictures and the whole thing looks very interesting. I really liked your dress and I love your striped stockings :D I have seen a slightly more traditional wedding do the 'tie the knot' thing which I think is similar to the handfasting.

Perhaps your parents were just put off or uncomfortable because they didn't understand the ceremony. Did you try to explain it to them? However, sometimes parents just don't understand even when you try. Are your parents like super religious? That might explain some things.

Anyway, I do think you should be able to have the ceremony the way you want it. Your family should support you in whatever you do, no matter if they approve or not. That is the way I see it at least is. I think that many parents don't seem to realize that when their children grow up they become separate people and that they may not always do or become what they wanted them to. But they still have to love us, we not asking them to really understand, nor do we need their approval. Parents are just suppose to love and support you ... unconditionally. That is what family is suppose to do, at least IMO.

Well, like I have said before with other similar issues ... if your family cannot be a loving and supportive part of your life then they just don't have to be a part at all. Don't call them, and don't answer the phone when they call. (Maybe still send b-day and Christmas cards) Hopefully they will eventually see that they were wrong and apologize. Try not to harbor ill feelings about this, just concentrate on your new family and move on with your life and don't let others get in the way of your happiness.

Good luck :hug:

A handfasting was the most special way I could think of to celebrate finding the person I love. My parents were separated at one time and my husbands parents are divorced his mother remarried. My brother was married and divorced 3 times.
I have always thought that getting married wasn’t something you do so lightly. I have always felt that Steve and I were meant to be from the beginning. So a handfasting seamed like the best path to take. I think that’s the part that my family didn’t understand. My favorite line in the whole ceremony was at the end of each vow. We replaced "for as long as we both shall Live" with "For as long as we both shall love". It lets each other know that when the time comes and we both leave this earth we will still be in love with the other.
OK I'm tearing up now.

[darkangel090260]

a handfasting is a wiccan cermony. It has became poplure with christion brides. However they do not understand the meaning to it because they figure it is a life time thing a handfasting only last a year and a day no more. I have been with the wiccan religon for over 15 years now . Me and My FI will be doing our handfasting this year and our marrige next year a year and a day from the date we do our handfasting. if people did a binding cermony then yes it would be a life time cometment but a handfast is not a life time cometment and expires..

[WhiskeyGirl]

I tried to reply but it wopnt let me so I can just reply here.



The reason why you can't reply is because 9801Crystal was banned for some hurtful and negative comments she was doling out to some on the board.

[lenor_1]

Wow i had no idea It has been a while since i was last logged in.

Well i hope she didnt hurt anybodys feelings or offend anyone.

Were all here to help each other give advice and vent not to hurt.

[laylu2001]

Ha ha!! your sister is a whore! I love it!

But I feel so bad for you, sometimes family sucks and you just have to do you!! screw them for not wanting to be a part of your special day.

I saw your wedding pictures and you are so beautiful.

[WebLady]

Glad to see you again lenor ... hope everything is going well for you!

[Michelle_Allmon]

I'm so sorry to hear that. My husband & I were handfasted on Beltane 2001. We didn't have any of our family there, it was a small ceremony with friends. We just wanted it that way, they would have come for sure. I guess we are pretty lucky when it comes to our parents.