Let The Feud Begin

[countrygirl]

I already vented about this, but I am frustrated, and need to do it again. Sorry if it's repetetive. I just urks me.

My sister I have had a very rocky relationship the past few years. She spent most of the past three years being mad at me, and not speaking to me until I apologized for what ever she felt I did wrong to her. She and her husband have a habbit of 'kicking' our side of the fam out of thier lives if they feel they aren't being treated right, in the mean time, treating the rest of us like :censored: . And when things are going well, they are usually too busy with his family, or thier friends to spend time w our family. Anyway, she has spent the last two months not speaking to me over something that she had done, that I confronted her on. When I told her that I was getting married in Nov, and that my BF of 16 years was going to be MOH, she said she figured. I asked her to be a BM. She said she would love to. That was over a week ago. Now she emails me and wants to know why she isn't good enough. When she marrying my brother in law, I was to be MOH, but instead they eloped, and I have to find out a week later from my mother, who had just found out herself.

I told her that this is somethig that we need to discuss in person (she lives 10 minutes away)rather than email. She deals w confrontation via emails so she doesn't have to get emotionally involved. What ever.

I don't know how to put it to her w/out hurting her. But I can't count on her. I love my sister and want nothing more that to have her there, but I have a feeling this isn't going to go well, and she is going to back out.

Any ideas?????????

[CarlosHoney]

I posted in the other thread, but here goes:

Aww, honey, I know how you feel. Originally I wanted 2 BM's. That's it. We're having a small wedding, so I wanted a small BP. Well, Carlo has these 2 best friends of 9 and 7 years, respectively. But, if he didn't ask his brother and cousin to be in it, they'd get pretty bent out of shape.

Letting people's feelings dictate your Bridal party stinks. I think that you just need to tell her that you want her in your wedding. Make her a Matron of Honor if it would make her happy. You can have more than one. So, if she freaks out and doesn't make it, it's alright. You've got it covered. I don't know that telling her why you feel that way will help much, since she might take it the wrong way and split now.

If you offer an olive branch (With MOH carved into it) she can't be angry. Nothing to be angry about. But, if she just refuses civility, then let her have it.

[countrygirl]

Thanks Carrie, I just replied to the other one too. I am just so frustrated w her. But you make a good point.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm sorry but I don't think you should have her be your MOH just because she might throw a tempertantrum!! I am one of those people who doesn't let others dictate to me!! I would sit down and talk with her and explain to her that how she acts makes you feel terriable and that she is hurting a lot of people! If she doesn't want to be part of the family and she IS making this choice herself, just let her go! I know my family keeps trying to pull me back but I want nothing to do with them! Now I am not saying you all are horriable people but maybe she has something in her head that just isn't right, who knows, but no matter how much butt kissing you do, things will never change until she realizes it herself!! So don't kiss her butt and don't make her a MOH just because she might throw a fit like a child!! Sorry if what I said offends you but I am just telling it like it is!! I wish you the best of luck!!

[CarlosHoney]

I wasn't saying bend to her will just because, I'm just a peacemaker, I guess. I think that it would disarm her, an if she's the kind of person who would start something for the heck of it, it would throw her off.

CanadianBride has good points, do what you feel is right.

[countrygirl]

I am usually the peace maker myself. It's just difficult to deal w her since she has been married. Her husband has a way of convincing her that our family does wrong, alot, so she tends to shut the rest of us out when she is upset.

I was hoping that she would have called me last night, but never did. I guess I am just going to have to talk to her and explain that she is my sister, that no one can ever take that from us, and that I love her very much. But this is my decision, and my BF is going to be maid of honor.

I hope that you didn't feel I jumped at you Carrie. Looking back at my notes yesterday, it may have come across that way, and I apologize. I was so frustrated, I don't think I looked back at what I wrote. Great way for me to get to know the ladies in here, huh???

Forgive me??

[CarlosHoney]

Oh, I don't feel that way! Don't worry. There are lots of different ladies here with different ways of doing things. Therefore, you get different point of view, different advice. It's all good.

I'm not always right, for sure, so it's no skin off my back. ;)

[countrygirl]

Ok good, thank you. I have to say, though I have only been on here a week, it's amazing how many ideas I have gotten, and how helpful everyone has been already. I really am so excited about planning my wedding, and it is finally starting to feel real. I can't wait. And it is wonderful to see how my family and friends are so excited too. I was in a really bad relationship w my son's father for 9 years, and now i have found my redneck(heehee) prince charming. It's such a good feeling to know that I found my soul mate, and that I am getting to spend the rest of my life with him!!!

[neeni13]

Did she agree to be in the weddin? Well, if you want to keep peace just tell her she is the Matron of Honor = married person and your friend is the Maid of Honor = single person . If that person too is married don't worry, just put Matron if all the other girls are Maids. Since you dont trust her, don't give her any responsibilities until the week or month before. You said that she ditched the planning for her own and eloped. Don't let her make you crazy with her jealousy for whatever reason that your happiness will be sabotaged. Just make sure that she pays for her dress in full so that you won't posibly be stuck with a dress.

[countrygirl]

I did finally talk to her about it yesterday, and I am standing my ground. I told her long ago that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do between her and my BF. She said then that she wouldn't be offended as long as she was a part of it. She said that again last night. We shall see. And I know that should something happen, and she backs out, there is another girl I can ask to stand w me, so that is ok.

I do think she is ok w it now. It's really sad. But my FH rushed his last marriage because his ex got preg when they were teens. So this one is as much for him as it is for me. I told that I WILL NOT let anyhthing ruin this for us.

RRRRRRRRRRR I'm a mean mean sister!!!!!

[CarlosHoney]

Good for you! I hop things turn out for the best!