5 months to go and I am so unhappy @ plans

[Whitney168]

Sorry if this turns out ot be long...

Where do I start? The moment after we got engaged I was on cloud 9, 10 and 11. I called everyone I knew. He called his family, we were all so excited!

What I didn't know was that he asked his 2 sisters to be my bridesmaids, his 4 nieces to be the flower girls and his 1 nephew to be the ring bearer. Please keep in mind that I have 1 sister, 3 brothers, 3 nieces, and 5 nephews all under the age of 14 with the exception on one of my nieces/goddaughter who is 17. I would never dream of asking my brother to be his groomsmen/ushers. I want my sister to be my matron of honor (who, of course I have already askd), my goddaughter to be a jr. bridesmaid and my best friend to be another bridesmaid( I haven't asked either one of them).

Now before I know it I have 5 bridesmaids, 4 flower girls, 1 ring bearer. He has only his Best Man. His entire family in going to be in the wedding party except for his sisters spouses. I never wanted this size of a bridal party. I had suggested that we Best Man and Matron of Honor only along will all of our nieces and nephews. His only reponse to me is "What about my sisters?" I want to say "What about my family?", but I just do not want it to be an issue at a time that is suppose to be filled with joy.

I just so want to marry him but I am so not excited about the wedding. We are getting married in @ 5 months and l have done nothing. I don't even feel like looking for gowns or bridesmaids dresses. All I have done is booked the Church and Ceremony Site. I am suppose to pay the first deposit Friday. Seriously, i can not get motivted to do anything. I cry every time I think about the wedding and that it is so what I don't want. I just can't imagine how my family is going to feel that they are not all included in the Bridal Party. I am not so much worried about my Brothers (they will do readings at the ceremony) as I am my nieces and nephews.

It seems that this is turning out to be the wedding of his familys dreams and not mine. I am so close to calling the wedding ceremony off and just having the reception, but this would just upset my parents. My dad will wlk me down the isle and then preform the ceremony. I am their youngest and they are so, so excited.

He is a wonderful man, and I just don't what to do.

THANX FOR READING

[Hayz]

Definately sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and what you'd like.

He really doesn't have the right to pick out your bridesmaids. And seeing as you have quite a few nephews and nieces between you then it wouldn't really be fair to involve some and not others, so therefore it would work best if none of them were involved in the wedding party. Do you really want flower girls and ring bearer. Large bridal parties makes it harder for the photographer too, especially the young ones. There is only 4 in our party, myself, the groom, the bestman and the bridesmaid.
We are also lucky that were are both from small families so I didn't have the problem of stressing about if so and so does this then are the others going to be jealous or feel left out. Sometimes it may work out that they aren't involved either unless you are particular close to one of them.
I have a brother who is going to be toastmaster and FH has a sister who is going to do a reading during the ceremony for us.

The sooner you do talk to him the better so then you can move on and organise other aspects of the wedding.

[Kacie_bride]

Oh sweetie, your situation is very sad. I agree that you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Your attendants should be your decision and his should be his decision. You have the right to be happy about your wedding day and if you aren't, then something has got to change.

Perhaps if he wants his sisters involved they can do something like a reading during the ceremony or if they sing they could sing a song. They can make a toast or pass out programs. There are many other ways to be involved without being in the bridal party. And since his jumped the gun and asked them (which he no right to) then he needs to be the one to explain to them what happened and not you.

[Whitney168]

Thank you for your words of advice. Every time I being to talk about the subject he just says I must like to argue about it. He also has said, "let's forget about the wedding" (meaning the whole ceremony and reception) and just go to the JOTP (Justice fo the Peace). Unfortunantly, my sister did this and it upset my parents. My dad specifically asked me not too b/c he really is looking forward to walking me down the isle and prefroming the ceremony. Ugh...
Like I said before I am mostly concerned with my nieces and nephews. Too answer your question... I really only wanted 1 or maybe two flower girls and not a ring bearer. How would we uninvite his nieces and nephew??

[Whitney168]

I did suggest that they (his sisters do a reading or be part in another way), he said he didn't want them to stress about a reading. I think they are going to be stressed enough if they have to worry about their children during the ceremony.
Thanx...

[WebLady]

Well I would defiantly sit down and talk to your FH about all this. If you can't talk rationally with him about this, what are things going to be like when similar disagreements come up once you are married? He shouldn't talk about calling the wedding off if he doesn't get his way! It has to be what works for both of you and both of your families. If you can't agree on the wedding party attendants, then just tell everyone that you are not having attendants. Just have a MOH and a BM ... You pic the MOH and he picks the BM and call it a day.

I know my DH and I had similar problems at our wedding ... we wanted to keep it small and only invite close family. Well, I have a larger immediate family and my DH has a larger extended family that he s close to. So it got a little out of hand so we cut it down to just our parents.

:goodluck:

[CindySue]

I agree with every one else.......you need to talk to him. It wasnt fair for him to pick Your bridesmaids, even if they are his sisters.

[Kacie_bride]

How old are his neices and nephews? If they are under 5 or so they probably haven't even soaked it in yet that they were having a part in a wedding especially if they haven't gotten a dress or anything like that. And as far as his sisters getting stressed out about reading, it just sounds like an excuse to me. I agree that your situation needs some serious attention, because your marriage shouldn't start off on the wrong foot like this. This is not good for anyone involved.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Well I would defiantly sit down and talk to your FH about all this. If you can't talk rationally with him about this, what are things going to be like when similar disagreements come up once you are married? He shouldn't talk about calling the wedding off if he doesn't get his way! It has to be what works for both of you and both of your families. If you can't agree on the wedding party attendants, then just tell everyone that you are not having attendants. Just have a MOH and a BM ... You pic the MOH and he picks the BM and call it a day.


I agree with Brandi! If you can't talk this out what will happen when you are married??? I would hate to see happen to you what is happening with my BIL and his wife!! They stood in a store and fought over christmas lights for an hour!! How childish and petty is that?? You MUST come to a compromise, or even have him understand how unfair it is that he picked YOUR attendants!! He's the one who made the mistake of asking in the first place then he will be the one who explains that he messed up!! But in all honesty, and I don't want to upset or insult or even offend you, but if you can't talk this through, maybe you should post pone the wedding until you can both make decisions TOGETHER!! I'm sorry, I'm sure that somebody will not like what I just said, but it is the truth! I wish you the best of luck!! Start by talking and if he doesn't want to talk, then maybe it's time to postpone things??!!

[CindySue]

I agree with Brandi! If you can't talk this out what will happen when you are married??? I would hate to see happen to you what is happening with my BIL and his wife!! They stood in a store and fought over christmas lights for an hour!! How childish and petty is that?? You MUST come to a compromise, or even have him understand how unfair it is that he picked YOUR attendants!! He's the one who made the mistake of asking in the first place then he will be the one who explains that he messed up!! But in all honesty, and I don't want to upset or insult or even offend you, but if you can't talk this through, maybe you should post pone the wedding until you can both make decisions TOGETHER!! I'm sorry, I'm sure that somebody will not like what I just said, but it is the truth! I wish you the best of luck!! Start by talking and if he doesn't want to talk, then maybe it's time to postpone things??!!

I agree with Shawna (I think thats Canadianbrides name). If you try to talk to him and he says lets just forget about the wedding, tell him, Ok.....we need some more time to think about this anyway. You shoulndnt have to forget YOUR family for the sake of HIS.

[CarlosHoney]

I TOTALLY AGREE with the previous posters. He isn't allowed to dictate who is in your Bridal Party. He should ask you before asking anyone to do anything. If he won't talk to you, you need to talk to them and explain that this wasn't your decision, and they should talk to HIM if they want to know why they are not bridesmaids.

I don't think it's fair either ESPECIALLY with the kids. With that many, you really can't pick and choose. Sorry, it's a tough situation. Good luck.

[Whitney168]

Thank you everyone.. I actually let him read all of the posts. He understands and said he was so ecited that he just started asking every. He is going to call his sisters and explain that he spoke out of turn. I told him that I would have minded as much if he would have asked first. Now that we have talked he too didn't realize it was getting to be too much... We have decided on my sister as my MOH my bestb friend and niece/goddaughter as Bridesmaids. He will have his best man and another friend as an Usher. His family doesn't want to do any readings but his sister will give toasts at the rehersal dinner. We've included both families for the rehersal and dinner.

Thank you all SO much, this board is wonderful...

[rainbowtreat]

I am glad to hear he listened ( or should i say read ) what you and every had to say. I am happy for you that you 2 are figuring things out.

[WhiskeyGirl]

It's good to know that you are talking things through!! Keep the lines of communication open, believe me you'll need it while planning a wedding!! I wish you the best of luck with everything!!

[Kacie_bride]

I'm happy that it seems to be working out. Good luck sweetie and let us know what is going on.

[WebLady]

Glad to hear that you are working things are working out with your FH. Communication is a big part of a strong relationship IMO.

Good luck with everyone :D

[9801crystal]

It sounds like he is a slight bit controlling. He has no respect for your wishes. This is your big day also. What I would do is divide it in half. Let him decide all the males to be in wedding. And you decide the bridesmaids. If you end up with too many then decide by other categories. For example if some couldn't make it because of other activities or problems with distance move down the guest list until you fill each spot without hassles or unneeded stresses. Both of you should give and take. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. If you do not want a bunch of bridesmaids tell them. If they get their feelings hurt they will get over it. If you do not stand up for yourself now. And you let him do all the decisions without your input. Just think how he will be when you have kids. Their also must be other reasons you have doubts. Besides the whole wedding plans. Hope you make the right decision.
Good Luck
Crystal