Pushy pushy

[Blusher]

One of my best friends (she's 21) has been dating a guy for about 1.5 years and is ALWAYS going on about how he hasn't popped the question and how frustrated she is. They get in fights all the time because she'll start saying to him stuff like "we're never going to get married" "why don't you want to marry me?" "I'll be like a million years old when you're finally ready to marry me" etc etc.... so basically she's trying to force him into asking her. To me, 1.5 years doesn't seem like that long (esp. since they're both pretty young, she's 21, he'll be 22 in April).

So my question is, did you ever try and push your fh/dh into marrying you before he actually proposed---like were you constantly hinting etc?

Personally, I would talk about getting married to fh, but I wasn't like "so, wheres my ring?" lol....She seems to think that if she keeps this up he'll ask her---but I think its belittling him...

[woohoo2me]

i think this might drive the guy away?? kyle and i were 19 when we got engaged and only seen each other for 5 months and then were friends when he asked me lol so there was nooo hinting!! lol i dont think i would ever beg someone to ask me though....

[Danielle9608]

I tried almost never to mention the "m" word. I wanted him to do it when he was ready. However after 6 years of dating, him being 28 and me 23. People like our friends would push it.

[WBandMe]

I certainly brought it up, especially as more of our friends were getting engaged and married. Not so much in a forceful way, but just kind of more playful. But we eventually reached a point where we had our date picked out and KNEW we were getting married and I was just waiting for the ring, and at that point I tried super hard to not bring it up at all. Ha, then the closer he got to proposing HE started bringing it up more and more!

[sweetvenus]

FH was very much a commitment-phobe throughout most of our relationship. He actually broke up with me twice because he got so freaked out about how serious it was getting. So I definitely never pushed him to propose to me, although I would sometimes say stuff like "when we have kids" which I think freaked him out a little, lol.

After we got back together the second time, I could tell he was a lot better and I would start teasingly bring up marriage and it didn't seem to bother him. Actually, I knew he was getting close to proposing when he stopped wanting to talk about getting married and acting like he was getting freaked out again. I can always tell when he's lying, haha. But after we had been together 3 years, people would ask us "when are you two getting married?" especially if we were at someone else's wedding.

[kemalc2]

We knew that we were eventually going to get married. We had talked about it so I knew we would get engaged eventually, but I never pushed it. We are still young (hes 21 and I'm 20) and we still have to finish school and everything. So I wasn't in a hurry and actually didn't expect the engagement when it happened, but it was glad it did. I don't think its fair to push the guy into marriage, it will just drive him away most likely.

[StaceyMc]

I only, jokingly, bugged him about getting engaged after we had already talked about getting married. I'd rub my left ring finger and he'd laugh. But, it was all in a joking manner. I never made commnets or pushed the issue - I figured that he'd ask whenever he was ready.

[Blusher]

ya, I figured it would more push him away as well.......I try telling he that it will probably happen when she gives up on forcing him..but she doesn't think so.

[Dani]

Doug and I have been togetherfor 7 years before he FINALLY asked me to marry him. We are both in our mid 30's, and we knew we were going to get married one day. Although, I did put pictures of rings in his coffee cup and drink glasses. :)

[Nekochanpurr]

I'm not gunna lie. When it started hitting the 4-5-6 year mark i started laying the hint bombs. I was never really pushy about it, though... and made it sound like teasing, so its all good. We actually had this thing going for a while, lol.. I would say 'we are going to be so old when we get married, you are going to try and carry me into the hotel bedroom and your hip will break!' and other such nonsense.. He'd start replying 'If you say it again, it won't happen till we are 80 <3'. Haha, we had fun.

[Scrwballsgrl]

I know my cousin is doing the same thing to her b/f of 2 1/2 years but he's only 24 & shes going to turn 21 in August so I'm like girl give it time...if its goign to happen it will but if you keep pushing and he's not ready all thats gonna do is cause friction.
I was 23(fixing to be 24) when me and my FH got engaged, and our friend and her b/f only dated 1 year and were engaged for 4 mths b4 they got married. so i kept having the thought in the back of my mind....why hasnt he aske ME yet?!:( he waited til our 3 year anniversary and asked me at my parents house on our way out the door to go to the movies:) it was super sweet b/c he knew I would want to be able to tell my parents right away so he did it then::sigh:: but back to the situation at hand if she keeps asking whenever (if ever) he does finally ask I would always have that naggin ? of well did he do it b/c he really wanted to or jst to get me to shut up about it?! lol (okay not funny except in a weird way)

[TangoWedding]

We'd been talking about getting married since we'd been dating for only 2 months, so there was really never an option to force it on him. LOL

However, we'd started planning the wedding before I got my ring, so after awhile, I got frustrated because I couldn't really DO anything with the planning....so I started getting a little pushy about it. (For instance, I'd go to look at reception sites and they'd ask what date we wanted...and I'd have to explain that I didn't know because I wasn't even engaged yet. That got a lot of odd looks from people. LOL )

It was never uncomfortable, though...we always kept open dialogue about it and didn't stress over it.

[kgvettegirl]

I didn't say anything, but my mom sure did. Thanks mom!

[snu]

We talk/plan a lot about our day, but it's not "official" yet. Sometimes I do feel impatient, but I keep it to myself. I know it's only a matter of time before he asks, and I know it'll be perfect when he does...I just wish I could start contacting venues, etc!

[august8bride]

I'm with nekochanpurr I strated to give hints around the five year mark. But his mom and his family helped out by hitting around the 2 year mark. Not to sound mean but she's only 21, if he is around her age there's probably no way he's ready for that kind of commitment. Plus if their getting in fights over it, shes probably pushing him away. No one wants to fell pushed into marriage, they want to get married because they want to.

[Nekochanpurr]

Lol, august8bride, you got lucky there! When Steve finally DID propose, his mom kept asking if it was going to be a loooooooong engagement.. O.o; We'd been going out 7 years then..
I agree though, if shes too hard on him, hes just going to feel pressured and push away. :(

[L.J.Aguirre]

nope i never pushed him. he just asked me the question one day towards the very begining of our relationship and as soon as i said yes he went all crazy trying to order me a ring online right then and there (since i wasn't physically with him at the time. he got stationed in san diego). i had to stop him and make him think rationally. a month later when he got back he finally took me to zales and let me pick out which ring i wanted. it was all so sudden but we have been engaged ever since and now our wedding is 3 days away :happy:

[JCM]

We also joked around about it a bit because he was 30 when we started dating and I knew he wanted to have a family. But I only started joking around about it after we had gotten to the point where we knew that we were meant to be together. However I actually at one point sat him down to tell him he had to do it soon because he wanted to get married a year from that point and hadn't asked yet. For some reason he thought you could plan a wedding in 3 months!!! he just didn't get it...the engagement came very shortly after that...like 2 weeks I think

[BrideInCuffs21]

The weird thing with my FH is about a year into our relationship we began talking about marriage, I have always wanted to get married but yet it was still new to us. About two years later I felt ready and I wanted to take it to the next level, with FH I basically would have to make the moves because he doesn't want to pressure or force me into doing anything I didnt want to.

So for about 4 months I would keep dropping hints and we were talking more and more about it until the one day when FH took me on a 'drive' and we went to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. Well about 6 hours later I have my ring designed and then about 2 months later he proposed...

I mean with FH he was I guess in a way shy... because I would have to initiate alot of things...

I gave him my phone number, I asked him out, I said I love you first, I did alot of the things I guy would initiate because he always said he didnt want to pressure me or scare me off because he was my first relationship....

[RosieAngel]

I really, really wanted the proposal to be unsolicited, so I waited, and waited, and waited... I lived with him and loved him and took care of him and even supported him for an 8-month stint when he was unemployed... I said nothing about marriage.

Then (long after he got his new job), at our 4-year anniversary, I received a BIG, gorgeous, AAA-grade Tahitian pearl pendant in a diamond setting that probably cost as much as a standard e-ring ring would. When I saw it, I just snapped. I think it was the sudden realization that he could have easily proposed to me if he wanted to, since he just blew $2000 or so on a piece of jewelry so fancy that I'd only be able to wear once or twice a year at most, while I would have been happy with a plain gold band and a promise.

I wasn't thinking. I still don't remember what I said, exactly, only that I threw a hysterical, angry weeping fit right in front of him until he started to cry, too. :( I still feel guilty and horrible about it.

I still have the pendant. He never took it back.

And 7 months later, after we never spoke of that day or that issue again, I got the really sweet proposal I felt was beyond overdue and an e-ring, too! So I guess it worked out, in the end.

---

Still, 21 years old and 1.5 years of dating seems a little fast to be demanding a lifetime commitment from someone. If I were the man in the relationship, I'd feel put off by the nagging.

[mtigercat]

I wasn't pushy at all. I figured I already had the guy. Every now and then I would drop hints, and he would actually make little comments about "someday". It's funny cause his mom and gram would harass him about when are you gonna ask her...he would always say when I am 30. 30 came and went...then it changed to 35...on his 35th birthday gram asked him well....? We have been together for 11 1/2 years and he will be 36 in july. He asked me new years eve 2007-2008. It was really silly, but that is us. We weren't in a big hurry because we knew no pc of paper was going to change how we felt about each other. We just finally came to the decision to make it official. Plus we have lots of medical issues between us and we realized if something happened we wouldn't really have a say. The funny thing is after he proposed (3 times...he says he didn't do it right the first time he wanted a "do over") he said I don't know why I waited so long it wasn't really that scary at all. awwwww. I didn't want to be the one that asked him because I looked forward to that moment while i was growing up. I am just happy that we are making it official. It will be 12 years we have been together in July. so to get back to the point yes i think she is being to pushy and if she doesn't be careful she could push him right out the door. Ask her what is more important the marriage or the guy himself.

[MrsDM]

I'm 19, he's 21. We've been together for 4 1/2 years, so obviously we've talked about marriage and it wasn't until I found out he bought the ring that i started doing a joking/nagging on when I would get it.

It sounds like she is in the relationship for the wrong reason. I think with all the wedding shows nowadays that people want to get the ring and have the wedding and forget that their stuck with somebody the rest of their lives. Everyone is different, in fact I know some people who only knew each other for a few months before getting engaged. I just think if hes not giving her the same response back, its rushing it a bit!!

[SouthernQueenBride]

I am not going to lie... I must have said something about gettig married at least 4 times a week! Hehehe!! Everytime a wedding show or commercial would come on I would sigh really loudly ... and I would also leave pictures of rings around his place! BUT ... In my defense ... I would have NEVER been that way if he would not have talked about too! He would say stuff all the time about "when we get married ... blah blah blah". So after about a year of hearing that kind of talk from him ... I kinda started being like, "WHERE IS MY RING ALREADY???"