To invite or not to invite

[Kacie_bride]

Sorry this is so long

There is one person who I cannot decide wether to invite or not. I know I'm kinda far out to be worrying about this one little detail, but I'm anal. This girl is my fiance's ex girlfriend. I know usually this would be a no no. However, they dated while we were all in high school. It was pretty serious between them. She was having problems with her mother and moved in with him and his father while they were seniors. That is actually how I met him. She and I were really close friends. I think she connected with him so much because of the problems she was having with her parents. When she worked things out with her mother she left him and he was pretty hurt. All that said before I even started dating Justin she married another guy several years ago. When she got with this guy we really weren't good friends anymore. They went out onto paths that I wasn't willing to. Now they are getting a divorce and she is back around town because she moved back in with her mother.

She and I have started talking again. Usually I know this would be a cut and dried situation. However, there is no more bad blood between her and Justin. There is no jealousy or anything like that from either parties involved.

She was my friend and I want to mend things with her, and I don't want to hurt her. I don't know what to do. Help.

[WhiskeyGirl]

How long until your wedding?? Give it time and ride it out! Don't jump in and tell her she's invited just yet. Play your cards and work on building the friendship back up and definately talk this over with Justin...he knows you best and can probably give you the best advice for you!!

[The Wedding Diva]

I would definitely take a step back. Give it some time. If you would like to include her that badly, then feel free to invite her to your bridal luncheon. Exes, I don't care how cordial everyone might be, have no place at nuptials.

[Jenn060306]

I had a similar problem... I was best friend with this girl who is the daughter of one of my mom's really close friends all through highschool. When i went off the college at first we stayed in touch but eventually stopped talking. I haven't heard from her in 2 years now. I really debated alot about inviting her because her parents are invited to the wedding.
I just found out recently that another woman of my moms close group of friends is planning a shower for me and has invited my old friend. With that my fiance and i and parents really had to take a serious look at everything and decided it was better to invite her rather then have any hurt feelings. The worst that could happen was she would decline.
Since then i have writen her a letter with all my contact numbers and addresses in hopes of re-connecting with her prior to the shower/wedding. I hated the idea of the first time that i talk to her/see her in years is in that situation.

I really think you should take the time to access the situation and the relationships between her and your FH and yourself. How long has she been back in the picture? Have you become close enough that there could be hurt feelings by not inviting her?!
I hope everything works out for you!

[Kacie_bride]

Well I definately have enough time to worry about it (10 months), but that's my thing, I'm a worry wart and I worry all the time about everything. I'm a bit obssessive compulsive. It's not like I'm sending out invitations any time soon, but I have starting thinking about who to invite because of budget stuff etc.

She really has only been in the picture again for a few weeks, but we used to be so close. I agree with all of you that I need to ride it out some and figure it out later. If we became as close as we used to be, I would feel obligated to invite her. It's just something for me to start considering. Thanks for the suggestions. I appreciate it.

[countrygirl]

I feel for you Kacie, that is a sticky situation. My feeling on that, if there is no more bad blood, no jealousy, and no feelings from either of them, then don't worry about it. He is making a promise to spend the rest of his life with you. You have to have enough trust in him that nothing will ever happen. If for any reason you have bad feelings however, don't do it. You don't want to spend your wedding day in bigger knots than you will already be in. But if she is a good friend now, go for it.

I am inviting my ex's parents to my wedding. We were together for 9 years, have a little boy together, and they treated me like gold, still do. We split up about 2 1/2 years ago, on VERY bad terms, and by his choice, he hasn't seen his son since July last heary, and hasn't talked to him since Christmas. Anyhow, my ex's parents have still been very good to me, and are more than just the 'ex's parents'. They are invited, and though it will be an interesting thought, there is no bad blood there, and I am very glad that they are coming.

Good luck in you decision. It's a difficult one, but give yourself time, and if you feel that all is well, then invite her. I am sure that she will be honored.

[CindySue]

I agree with everyone else, wait it out a little.
If it makes you feel better, budget in a "mystery guest" but remeber, you do not know where she will be or how yall will feel about each other in 10 months. Budget in the extra person, and when its time to send the invites, if yall are still good friends, then invite her, if not you have an extra spot to invite someone else you might want there.
JMHO!!!

[Valmai]

I am in a similar situation, my exs girlfriend moved in with him for similar reasons too. They had split up before i knew him so i don't know her and she has never wanted to get to know me (probably her insecurities) even though she was engaged within 3 mths of them splitting up. Jamie and her dont keep in touch much anymore only the odd text but we are going to invite her to our reception (we not gerrin wed in our country) Though i doubt she will accept lol
Id say go with what you feel comfortable with - if youd not like her there then dont invite her - but at the end of the day its u hes marrying so maybe it'd be nice for her to be there??
xxx

[Kacie_bride]

[quote=metmycowboy]I You have to have enough trust in him that nothing will ever happen. If for any reason you have bad feelings however, don't do it.

Oh, I totally trust him and I trust that she wouldn't do anything. She had some rough times, but she was always a good person. Trust is not an issue with us. I know in my heart that he would never cheat on me. Justin is amazing, I trust him with anything and everything. He knows my darkest secretes, everything about me. We are very open and both of us agree that if you have the feeling that you want to cheat on someone that you shouldn't be with them anyway and you should just end it before you hurt someone even more than what you are going to if you cheat. He works in an office full of women and I have never worried one bit. I also know that chapter with her is over.

But I think I will budget for an extra person and see how things go between she and I. Who knows she might go back to her physco husband and I don't want anything to do with that.

[WebLady]

Well, my first reaction to this is that if she is your FH's ex, she has absolutely no reason to be at your wedding, no matter how well the intentions are. She may be hurt either way ... Her feelings might be hurt, maybe she would feel bad that her marriage is over and that her ex is getting married too? What if she makes some inappropriate toast or something?

But then you and your FH know her better than we do ... if you are all friends and want to invite her then by all means. But take some time to think about it and definitely talk to your FH about how he feels about it.

Personally, I think it is very hard to be friends with ex-lovers, I don't want to have anything to do with any of my DH's ex's or mine and I wouldn't even try to be friends with any of them.

:goodluck:

[rissy]

I think I would leave the invite. If she is as lovely as you say than she will be totoally understanding and not think too much of it. If it damages a friendship then it is obvious she had other intentions...On saying that though you might like to include her in some other way. Ask if she would like to come and usher at the ceremony and be present through out. Save her a piece of wedding cake and a favour and just tactfully explain your limit on places at the reception.

With all the family and friends to invite it wouldn't seem that bad to not have her as a priority guest. If you don't get as many people RSVPing as you expected then extent an invite. I don't know the whole situation, but were you and your fiance invited to her wedding? And be sure you and your husband to be are comfortable. If there is any doubt then say "no".

Stick to the planning and don't let it hold you up too much.:goodluck:

[Kacie_bride]

I went to her wedding, but her wedding was before Justin and I started dating. Her wedding was very small. It was a shotgun wedding because she was pregnant at the time. There were no attendants and the only guests were both of parents, me, and three of his friends.

[officiant-fica]

Personally, I think it is very hard to be friends with ex-lovers, I don't want to have anything to do with any of my DH's ex's or mine and I wouldn't even try to be friends with any of them.
I agree with this. Sometimes it's just best to let the past be the past. It's a special day for you and your FH no reason to have someone there as a reminder of past relationships.