Completely Overwhelmed

[HisMuse]

We've shared bills and an account for years now. We've never been able to get it together and come out on top for very long. Things like medical expenses, car expenses, accidents, losing jobs, etc. and it's gotten to the point I'm really worried. I'm so worried I think it's all going to come crashing down soon.

Erik is getting his car fixed and it turns out we have NO money to take care of it, none. He's there and I don't know how to fix this. Every credit card is maxed and we can't pay our bills. I don't know what to do, I'm really scared.

I'm afraid to tell my parents about it and have them freak out. How can I ask them for help when all the money that was to go to me is going into the wedding?

We can't ask Erik's dad or mom, they put all their money into getting him out of the divorce.

Right now I really wish we never did the wedding, I had no idea it would get this bad. We always find a way to dig ourselves out but right now we're drowning.

Sorry, I had to vent and I have no where else to go.

[bichonlvr]

Well hmmmmm.....can you take a loan???

hang in there things have to get better!

Do your taxes!

[HisMuse]

I think I will do them tonight.

[WebLady]

Sorry to hear you are dealing with all this :hug:

I don't really know what to say, but "it can't rain all the time" ;) Like you said "you always find a way" :flower:

[HisMuse]

Sorry to hear you are dealing with all this :hug:

I don't really know what to say, but "it can't rain all the time" ;) Like you said "you always find a way" :flower:

Thanks, that helps to hear.

[FFC]

We are in a similar boat. It's tough, but do your taxes! Something will come up and it'll all come together. I don't know if you're religious or not, but I believe that God will not give you more than you can handle. It might seem like it, but you'll pull through. I guess you can call it a test of faith...?

[HisMuse]

I'm sick of the tests, I'd just like to relax for a while. I don't feel we've ever had a period where we weren't being tested one way or another.

[FFC]

I'm sick of the tests, I'd just like to relax for a while. I don't feel we've ever had a period where we weren't being tested one way or another.


I know exactly how that feels. Do you have something to look forward to? A career change, degree, or some life changing event (besides the wedding of course!)? Something you two can say "When we are done with this....."?

[HisMuse]

The honeymoon I guess but right now I'm starting to think we should even do it. I'm not going to do my boudoir photo shoot because I just can't afford it.

[FFC]

The honeymoon I guess but right now I'm starting to think we should even do it. I'm not going to do my boudoir photo shoot because I just can't afford it.


Keep your head up. Finances, as I'm sure you know, can be very draining on a relationship. Don't let them get the best of ya! Hang in there! :flower:

[HisMuse]

Erik's mother saved him and was able to pay the bill for him even though we still owe her money. At least he can get home but he still needs a lot of work done on his car.

Attention: Never buy a VW Beetle!

[firespirit]

So one thing that helps me is that I have an excel file with all my monthly bills. Month across the top, bill down the side in order of due date. Then each year goes on a separate worksheet. When it's a regular bill that is autopaid I fill in the amount in blue and once the payment is recieved I change it to black.

Once I know I will be done with a bill (i.e. a car payment) it comes off the next year's worksheet. It helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel. For example, three years from now there is no carpayment bill on my spreadsheet and 5 years from now, one of my student loans is gone off the page.

I just started doing this in the past few years but now I can look at the spreadsheet and know I have control over my debt.

[HisMuse]

I have a monthly spreadsheet I used to keep track of but didn't keep up with it. I do track what is due in my organizer which helps but it's the fact we don't make enough together to pay for all our bills. I'm trying to imagine what I can cut out.

[Jamie'sBride]

This, too, shall pass! It will! You'll get through it and be stronger for it. As clichéd as it sounds, you will. :) You'll be like my mother and say "We used to eat chicken noodle soup, 5 cents a can! For every meal! For months straight! And LOOK at us now!" ;)

Anytime I have gotten into a situation like this, I call my parents. And yes, they have freaked out every time, and I braced for that, but they always got me through it. They always helped. That's what families are for. And who knows, maybe I relied on them too much? But in a situation like this, they might even be upset that you didn't ask them for help.

[Jamie'sBride]

Erik's mother saved him and was able to pay the bill for him even though we still owe her money. At least he can get home but he still needs a lot of work done on his car.

Attention: Never buy a VW Beetle!

Yay!! See, you got over this hump...you'll be fine! :)

[HisMuse]

Thanks so much...it's the child support payments that I think we've never really learned how to pay along with our bills. It's hard to figure out how to live without all that money every month.

[HisMuse]

I just found this budgeting site called mint.com this could be just what I need to help at least.

[Kfancii]

I'm sorry to read about your money troubles. I have been there myself and it can be completely overwelming. It certainly adds alot of stress to a relationship that isn't helpful in any way.

Have you and Erik considered trying to go to CCCS? (Consumer Credit Counseling Service). They offer free financial help and have the power to work with credit card companies to stop or reduce your interest and payments in an effort to allow you to actually get caught up and maybe even ahead. The credit card companies work with them because at least this way they are getting a payment when you could default completely. The negative to CCCS is that they pretty much control your finances - you write one monthly check to them and they pay your bills (at least this is how it used to be). You will also be forced to give up your credit cards. This is tough, but it can put you on the right track to getting your finances in order again and keep you from the bankruptcy courts.

Glad to hear that Erik's mom was able to help this time. Best to you.

[Danielle9608]

Robin I am so sorry to hear about this, for one I know how hard it is to live in MASS with ridiculously housing cost and everything else. I was in the same boat right after college, I had put myself in so much debt. I had to cut back on a lot of extras (cable tv, high speed internet, I had the cheapest cell phone plan, I went to the cheapest Grocery store). But after a year I had all my debt paid down (well not my student loans). I know you can get through this. You are a strong person, I think you will amazing yourself with what you can do. Hang in there hun things will get better! :hug:

[HisMuse]

I did to ACCC for a while and I got rid of a ton of debt, unfortunately we racked up a bunch more.

[spuls5]

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I too use an excel sheet to keep track of my bills. I think I may be on the edge of OCD with that stuff LOL. I think I check my checking account every day and check my excel sheet often just to make sure I'm on top of things.

Yes, get your taxes done. I also heard that the 2008 Rebate checks they are going to send out, someone said they are sending them out kinda a first come first serve basis. So those that filed their taxes early will get their checks first. Those that wait until April 15th to file may not get the checks until July or Aug. Those that filed early could get theirs by end of April/early May. I got my refund on Feb. 11 so I filed right away. I hope my check comes early.

Are there little things you could cut out. Things like look at your cell phone bill. Do you have internet (mine is called Easy Edge) on your phone, do you have text messaging on there? You can cut that stuff out. Example my text message is 9.95 a month and easy edges is 9.95 a month. I have been meaning to stop in and drop easy edge and look at lowering my text package to save money. Not only is it those prices per month, you pay taxes on that as well.

Same thing for cable, do you have cable tv? Do you have digital cable? Example, I have cable and the cable box that is digital and gives me the on screen menu. That is extra per month. I can get rid of the box and just take the cable directly from the wall to the tv, bypassing the 'black box' and save money every month.

Look at the food and groceries you buy. Go when they have sales and compare prices. Cut coupons.

Every little bit helps. I think I've watched too much Suzy Orman :D

[HisMuse]

Well the site I found has helped me see some things and we're going to make changes. We're going to make coffee at home, stop eating out as often and make more food at home. It's still very shaky but I just want to get a little ahead, there always seems to be some big expense we don't expect around the corner.

[uptowngirl]

Robin you are not alone!!!

Tax time sucks for me because I own my business - so that means I have to pay every year and of course I never have enough saved up...to top it off our plumbing backed up last week and we just had to have a plumber come out to fix it - $400 down the toilet (Literally!!). That might not be a lot to some people, but it means we have to put off buying FH's wedding ring now, since we paid the plumber with wedding money!

You can be the worlds best bugeter/planner, but unexpected expenses are, well...unexpected! I am glad you got through it this time at least.

[HisMuse]

We're considering someday starting our own business but obviously we need to get our **** together first.

Erik was only able to do the bare minimum to fix his car and unfortunately he still needs his brakes done and a couple other things. For this though, we hope to take it somewhere cheaper than a VW dealership.

[lizzy]

So sorry to hear that you are having financial woes. I just got married in June and my husband and I paid for the whole things ourselves. And our credit cards were enough to frighten anyone. We both make good money and have been working hard to get out of debt, but somethings things can just get overwhelming. Wish you guys the best and try not to let your relationship suffer. I know these things can be draining. I am not sure either one of you are in the position to do this, but we took out a loan against my husbands 401k and it really helped us out ALOT! We paid the interest back to ourselves so the process really hasn't been too painful. Now we are just ready to have it paid off so his paychecks go back up.
I sure hope that somethings gives a bit for you guys. The time leading up to the wedding can be so stressful and overwhelming at times. Just try to remember why you decided to take all this on in the first place and enjoy it as much as you possibly can!

[HisMuse]

I'm not worried about our relationship, we made it through his 3 year long divorce...we can make it through anything.

[smileyone2002]

Sounds like me and charlie right now...we arent to the point where we have no money but we are to the point where we have no jobs and the money supply is rapidly going downhill!! But things will get better....you will hit a big break and everything will turn around! Just keep your head up and think positive! :flower:

[NOTKT]

:( This totally sucks, and I know the feeling all to well. I use Google Calendar for my finances. All of my bills are laid out and I can SEE what else needs to be paid, I would always forget!

I've attached a pic for you. It's a great site and is accessible anywhere! Good Luck!


http://www.google.com/intl/en/googlecalendar/images/ss-tour4.jpg



http://www.thinkvitamin.com/images/articles/reviews/google-calendar/gcal.png

http://www.kerussopolis.com/stuff/pics/Desktop_Calendar.png

[HisMuse]

Yeah I use that too although I tend to put my bills in my organizer more than on there. I should but then I never have the money to pay the bills when they are due.

[SugarPlum]

So sorry to hear about your troubles. My FH and I haven't really sat down to look at our combined finances yet, beyond a vague plan that (after the wedding) we will meet with a financial planner and address our debt. It's managable right now, but I can see the cloud on the horizon.

I hate to be a downer, here, but have you considered scaling back on the wedding/honeymoon plans? I know we all want our weddings to be the perfect day, but credit card debt hanging over your marriage is a real nightmare. If you can back out on elaborate travel plans (assuming you don't lose deposits), consider doing a small weekend getaway. Then, you could set yourselves a goal to take that big, romantic trip once your finances are really under control.

I think you would be happier in the long run if you address it now. Good luck!!!

[HisMuse]

So sorry to hear about your troubles. My FH and I haven't really sat down to look at our combined finances yet, beyond a vague plan that (after the wedding) we will meet with a financial planner and address our debt. It's managable right now, but I can see the cloud on the horizon.

I hate to be a downer, here, but have you considered scaling back on the wedding/honeymoon plans? I know we all want our weddings to be the perfect day, but credit card debt hanging over your marriage is a real nightmare. If you can back out on elaborate travel plans (assuming you don't lose deposits), consider doing a small weekend getaway. Then, you could set yourselves a goal to take that big, romantic trip once your finances are really under control.

I think you would be happier in the long run if you address it now. Good luck!!!

That's the sad thing, my parents are paying for the wedding ((sigh)) our money problems have nothing to do with the wedding. The one thing I was going to pay for that really cost anything was the boudoir shoot and I probably won't do that.

[thetsakid]

well i don't know where you live but maybe you could get help with your house bills by social services or something and that might help...also i don't know if this is possible just a suggestion but what about getting another job temporarily? i hope everything works out for ya.

[HisMuse]

I've been doing a little extra work on the side but I need to do more. I do some online reviews. I don't have any spare time to work elsewhere as I commute about 10 hours a week ((sigh)) but I'm looking for a job closer.