Sleepless

[Jenn060306]

Don't you hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night because you have to pee? So you get up go to the washroom, crawl back in bed then toss and turn trying to get comfortable?! And of course. You can't. Then before you know it you're stomic starts to grumble. Which for me is the kiss of death. I can not get to sleep it my stomic is making any sort of indication it wants food. So you get up and get a glass of milk and a granola bar.... and end up sitting infront of the computer. Now wide awake, and thinking about wedding plans!

It was close to 2am when i finally stopped messing arround with the layout and wording for the invitations and RSVP cards to go to bed. It's now 5am...

I think i am starting to feel really stressed out about the ceramony. I have asked Mark a couple times in the past week to call the church and confirm that we will be able to have the ceramony there. I keep worrying that they are going to say no because we haven't been attending much at all. I don't really wan't to call myself because:
a) i don't belong to the church and
b) for some reason i feel really uncomfortable trying to explain why we haven't been and i think i would be really upset hearing no. I just know i wouldn't be able to hold back my emotions and you would be able to hear it in my voice.
I don't know why it seems to difficult for him to do. It would take 10 minutes out of his day. I understand that he is busy with work... but he works for people who we consider to be family. I really feel like his boss would totally understand taking 10 minutes out of his day for our wedding.

I'm feeling a bit bad that i have had to go ahead and do so much for the wedding myself. I know Mark really wants to be involved in the planning, but there is no time. I really just don't know what to do... Tonight when i was explaining to him that i really needed him to confirm the church because i wanted to get the invitations printed today or tommorrow so they would be ready for Monday when i had planned on working on them with my mom and one of my bridesmaids who is coming in from Ottawa to help. He let out this huge sigh when i started talking about it. It really made me feel like it was his way of saying 'shut up and stop nagging me.' When i asked him about it he just said it was a deep breath. But it's kinda bothering me. I don't want to be a nag... but sometimes i don't know what to do. I hate that i worry so much.... i worry about things that don't make much sence to worry about. It's almost out of hand at times. :bbconfused:

Anyways.... i think i should go back to bed and try to get another hour of sleep before i have to get up for the day. Sorry this is long.

[CarlosHoney]

Aww, hun! :hug: I know where you're coming from!

I gave Carlo a written list of what he needs to have done. He's such a procrastinator! We need to go sign the contract for the cake, we need to look at tuxes, we need to figure out what's going on with the food (sit down dinner? finger foods?) and the wording of the invitations.. we need to do SO MANY THINGS and he hates to talk about it.

I feel bad doing so much myself too, but I don't think that it's such a big deal to guys. As long as they're not wearing a suit left over from one of Prince's tours, and as long as everyone isn't reduced to eating cotton candy and stale leftover candy corn, they don't really care.

When all this started, Carlo told me that "95% of this is all up to you. It's your day. I don't care what happens, as long as we end up married by the end of this thing." I think that since this is something that most women are constructing in their brain from the age of 6, they figure hey, why rock the boat. If she wants it her way, who am I to say anything?

What's worked for me is making the list and saying "This is the latest possible time that we can wait to do this!" and make it a week before it really needs to get done. So, if you need him to book the church, hey, you booked items A-G. He can handle H and I. You're going to be working on J-P in the meantime. Explain that it's his church, and that this is just one thing that you want him to handle. Tell him that it needs to be done in this many days, and that you aren't going to remind him again, but it does need to be done. If it was your church, you would make the call.

:goodluck: I know how you feel.

[Shawna Bride]

Sounds like we're all in similar boats. All I do is think about and worry about this wedding. I can't wait until it's not with me every waking moment.
Sometimes I put off things because I'm scared of the results (ie. like you not wanting to call the church). You just have to do it, or get one of your bridesmaids to do it. I know my BM's want to help out and take on little projects. Let them work! I wrote down a to-do list and then delegated what I could to my MIL, Mother, FH and BM's. It makes life a lot easier, and I think people like to help out. Sometimes we have to let go of things. I know we all want to have control over every detail (well, I know I do.) But, I'm slowly learning to let go of certian things, and trust others to get it done.
It's a long process though.
I realize that all the stress, joy and headache of planning a wedding is an example of all the stress, joy and headache you go through in a relationship. If we can deal with the pressures from family, the deadlines, and all the other stuff that comes with plannign a wedding, who's to say we can't deal with the rest of our lives together?

[CindySue]

Brian tells me..."You handle it. Just tell where and what time to show up" It really makes me mad sometimes, but thats what guys think they are supposed to do, I guess. I tried talking to Brian last night about the wedding. I even asked him if I could talk wedding with him while he was putting up a security light. He said "Sure". I think I got 2 whole questions out before his eyes glazed over and I knew I had lost him. I know we want their input because it their wedding's too, but I think Carlo has it right....they really just DONT care along as they are married at the end of the night.
Oh and Jenn, Ive had some of my best ideas in the middle of the night!

[CarlosHoney]

I think Carlo has it right....they really just DONT care along as they are married at the end of the night.
Oh and Jenn, Ive had some of my best ideas in the middle of the night!Yeah. It's sad, but true.

But, look at it this way--what if you had a Groomzilla on your hands. You envision a classy, elegant, high impact, all white reception. He wants midnight blue and silver, with his college alma mater playing when you enter. He won't budge, and instead of white roses on every table, he wants green carnations.

Immagine that! I don't want to, that's for sure. I mean, I'd rather do all the work than have him tell me that he wants it this way, and it totally clashes with what I want. I'm releived that I can have my fantasy day.

It does stink that there's little to nothing in the input department, but if there was something that he wasn't okay with, he'd let you know.

[Jenn060306]

Yeah. It's sad, but true.

But, look at it this way--what if you had a Groomzilla on your hands. You envision a classy, elegant, high impact, all white reception. He wants midnight blue and silver, with his college alma mater playing when you enter. He won't budge, and instead of white roses on every table, he wants green carnations.

Immagine that! I don't want to, that's for sure. I mean, I'd rather do all the work than have him tell me that he wants it this way, and it totally clashes with what I want. I'm releived that I can have my fantasy day.

It does stink that there's little to nothing in the input department, but if there was something that he wasn't okay with, he'd let you know.

Ya.... that would be a total pain! He does want to be involved. And he has had alot of opinions on things. It's a bit fustrating trying to get him to see why i am suggesting that particular thing. Sometimes i think he doesen't like somthing because the idea came from my mom. So i just stopped telling him who's ideas where who's. Thats made life better!
As for getting my best ideas at night.... i do. I've been doing awsome after 7pm doing my homework and wedding plans. But sometimes.... i come up with ideas that really add 3 times more work to my plate. I don't think i can handle that much more right now. As it is... when i was at the Dr. on Monday she said my blood presure was up. So i need to cut back on some of those moments of DIY brilliance. And pass more stuff off to friends and family!

[CarlosHoney]

Yeah. That's one thing that I've learned from having Elias. If you're stressed, and you're putting all of your frustration into what you're doing, you're going to get stress and frustration back. When I get to that point, I stop what I'm doing and take a shower, or have a glass of water, and start again once I'm calm. I am a much better mom, and a much better crafter when I'm focused on what I'm doing.

As for the groom interfering. I just don't tell him the idea until it's pretty much set in stone. I didn't ask about the cake, the flowers, the colors, nothing. I asked him to think about the music, food, tuxes, and what kind of bout he wants. That's it. When you limit their feedback, it makes things more simple. They normally don't give a c-r-a-p anyway.

[CindySue]

Brian chose our wedding colors, the date, knew about the ceremony spot, and hes picked the honeymoon spot. Apparently, he thinks thats enough input from him.

[CarlosHoney]

Wow, Cindy!! That's a lot from a guy. I've done EVERYTHING so far. He's picked what he wants for his groom's cake. That's It. I'm going to see if his mom can make it. He wants cheesecake.

We might just get a few frozen cheesecakes and put strawberries and chocolate on top.

[CindySue]

Wow, Cindy!! That's a lot from a guy.

I guess it is but its still fun to try and talk to him about centerpieces and wedding favors. Oh and he just LOVES to talk about tulle.;) (I dont think he even knows what tulle is!) I like to time it....how many wedding questions can I ask before his eyes glaze over? Last night it was 2!

[Jenn060306]

Last night i was talking to Mark about the mini chocolate bars, and i mentioned that i'm not 100% sure on what colours i want to do.... He simple said... 'I don't care.... I'm colour blind!' I had to laugh at myself because i seem to forget somedays. After that he went off to La-La-Land....
Ah well.... :D

[rainbowtreat]

I get the same reactiosn from Nicholas. I got so excited when thigns started ariving in the mail that I couldn't wait to tell him or show him. He would just say something like that's nice. He did start on his part of the guest list and that shocked me becasue I only told him once that he had to do that. And he ordered the cake top, I had the last say on what one to order though. And he found and picked out and ordered our glasses. So he was kinda excited about them when they came in. Nothing like I get though. lol He was into the music for while. We haven't talked much about it latley. I will have to bring it up again. He played with music for about an hour on just trying to find a song to take my garter off to. He is such a man. lol

[NeilsGrl]

I was reading many of your posts on the subject of having to pick up a lot of the planning yourselves....I find myself in the opposite position...My FH from day one has been helping plan it....I know it seems kinda odd but when we got engaged on our way home from the beach trip were he proposed, he was already throwing out ideas...and I was like WHOA.....hold up...let me have time for this to sink in...lol....This is my second marriage so I was all for a destination wedding...but since its his first I didn't want to take anything away from him and now four months into planning, I am glad I didn't because he really has been an active participant (unlike my first husband). We did opt however for a semi inclusive venue whereas they provide most of the stuff as part of the package, i.e. chapel, reception hall, catering, invitiations, cake, decorations, flowers,etc....so really it has been pretty easy. I definetly recommend it if you can afford it...(although our package is really not that expensive...) We are getting married at A Special Place in Gresham OR. www.aspecialplace.us (http://www.aspecialplace.us)

I am sorry to hear about all the stress all you other brides to be are under...in the end it will all be worth it...and people are not going to remember the trivial things that we all obsess about time and time again...what they are going to remember and what you are going to remember is how you brought everybody together to witness the love you have for your significant other....and allowed them to be a part of a new beginning of your lives together...

Best wishes to you all!