My Bridal Shower Vent

[StaceyMc]

I just need to vent and get this out and maybe I'll just get over it.

Last night, Joe and I were at my parents house, talking about my sister's upcoming baby shower (she's due in May). In the middle of the baby shower talk, my mom tells me that she needs a count of how many people I want to invite to my bridal shower and she wants it next week.

Ahhh...wait...what? Already?

She goes on to say that since my sister is my only attendant, that mom is going to help her, which is totally fine with me, however, I told them both when we started talking about all things bridal that I didn't want them to go to a ton of trouble for a shower, if we even had one.

I guess that they've decided to have the shower in November, prior to the holidays, since I chose to get married in February. That's fine with me too.

The annoying part is, Joe and I don't actually have a wedding guest list completely together, so how am I supposed to get a "ball parked" shower figure together? Not only did she tell me three times last night, she told me again this morning when she IM'ed me. This morning, she reminded me about my shower homework for this weekend. I heard her the first time.

Not only have I been told to get a number together, I've been told about the favor ideas and been asked to get some information about a place to have it. When I did my sister's gigantic shower, she had no say in it, she didn't know anything about anything until the day of the shower. I don't want to help plan my shower.....I have enough planning to do.

Maybe I'm just tired and stressed from work, but I just don't want a shower now. Joe told me last night to have the shower and enjoy it...this kind of stuff only happens once. (He's a smart guy, don'tcha think?)

Ok, now I feel better. Thanks for reading all of that, if you made it to the bottom.

[CindySue]

Im not really up on the etiquette but I think your mom may be rushing things just a bit. All of the check lists I have seen do not have you planning the bridal shower 9 months in advance. Ask your mom why it has to be now.

[StaceyMc]

She wants a figure because she has an idea for heart favors that she thinks they can get after Valentine's Day on sale.

Also, she wants to get things moving now because she thinks my sister will be very busy once she has the baby. I can't imagine that my little tiny shower will take that much of her time, but maybe that's just me.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Unfortunately I don't know why in this day in age but the bride (in a lot) of cases has to step up to the plate and get the ball rolling on these things. However, I also do not understand why they need to start planning so soon! And why your mom even needs to do favors for a bridal shower!! I certainly did not have favors at my shower! Just explain to her that you haven't compiled your guest list and won't be doing that for a while! Also tell her that it is not your responsibilty to plan your OWN shower! (I ended up decorating for my own shower while my MOH galavanted all over the country side, believe me I was VERY unhappy!!) So, stop the fights before they start, tell her that it is not your responsibility to plan it but if they have any questions about the way you would like certain things, they are welcome to ask!! I'd just let them know these minor facts and leave it at that. If she continues to harrass you for a list, tell her to wait!! Nine months is awfully early!! Best of luck!!

[LaceyinPgh]

As much as it sucks, I am planning most of my shower too. If I don't I know that I won't get one. I had to shop for locations, price compare, set up meetings, decide on menus, make guest list, delegate tasks, all of it. Other people get to take the credit for it too. It is just like group work in high school :bbconfused: Now on top of all of that, I lef tmy 6 bm's with two tasks, order centerpieces from the florist and get favors. Of course my maid of honor and one bridesmaid with a control probelm hate each other so I get to referee everything with them and all the tensions that it is causing between the other girls. Why are people such :censored: about weddings?

By the way, if your mother is that concerned about your sister not being able to take care of a new born and call a caterer and baker, she needs to invest in an au pair or nanny to help out some. It was too early to plan your shower in my opinion. I didn't even think about mine until about 5 months ahead.

[StaceyMc]

I just have to clarify, I know that I'm not going to have to plan my entire shower, I'm just irritated that I have to hurry to do things right now.

It's just a lot of stuff bothering me, wedding wise, lately and I think the hurry up and plan the shower is the straw...ya know?

I told her last night that I don't have a guest list finished and she keeps telling me to "ball park" it. How can I do that? I'll just have to put something together this weekend to keep the peace and keep my sanity.

As far as not having time to plan it. It bugs the **** outta me that no one ever seems to remember that my sister's bridal shower was HUGE and I planned the thing mostly by myself (the other bridesmaid did what I asked her, but wasn't a super duper planner). I planned that and worked full time at a stressful job and went to school part time at night. I realize that you can't compare school and work to an infant, but darn it....I was busy too. I did it, without starting 10 months in advance. (Now I sound bratty...lol)

[CindySue]

I just have to clarify, I know that I'm not going to have to plan my entire shower, I'm just irritated that I have to hurry to do things right now.

It's just a lot of stuff bothering me, wedding wise, lately and I think the hurry up and plan the shower is the straw...ya know?

I told her last night that I don't have a guest list finished and she keeps telling me to "ball park" it. How can I do that? I'll just have to put something together this weekend to keep the peace and keep my sanity.

As far as not having time to plan it. It bugs the **** outta me that no one ever seems to remember that my sister's bridal shower was HUGE and I planned the thing mostly by myself (the other bridesmaid did what I asked her, but wasn't a super duper planner). I planned that and worked full time at a stressful job and went to school part time at night. I realize that you can't compare school and work to an infant, but darn it....I was busy too. I did it, without starting 10 months in advance. (Now I sound bratty...lol)

Ok...she said "ball park" it......if you have decided on roughly how many people you want to invite, you can assume HALF will be women, so cut the number you plan to invite in half and give that to her. It should shut her up for a bit. You probably WONT be inviting all of the women invited to your wedding to the shower, but oh well, she said "ball park" it. And if you DO end up inviting more to the shower that she got favors for......again....she said "ball park" it!
And NO youre not being bratty......she IS pushing this issue a little too soon.

[martysgurl]

GOod luck with whatever happens. Sounds like something I wouldnt' want to go through. I just realized how stressful planning a wedding is let alone helping with your own shower. I would count on my bridal party do that.
I had an idea for a Mary Kay makeup shower. I have lived with my SO for 5 years so we have alot of everything. Then we could try out make up for the wedding day.
((hugs))

[CarlosHoney]

Yeah, it sucks. I gave my list of invites for my baby shower and half of them didn't reveive an invitation. It irked me, sure, but I let it go. We got so many gifts, and lots of people came, so I have no hard feelings.

If need be, pick a nunber out of the air and give it to your mom. If she doesn't buy enough, big deal. I have rarely seen a grown woman cry over not getting a favor from a shower. If she boys too many, big deal. They were on sale anyway, right? Ebay, here we come!!

Good luck. I hope it all turns out less stressful than it is now.

[StaceyMc]

Thank you ladies for your replies. I feel better about the whole thing. I think I might have just been in a rotten mood yesterday. I'm going to work on a list tomorrow, since I need it to start getting some idea on the cost of catering.

[9801crystal]

Hi I am going to come across a little blunt. But their is other things to worry about or gripe about. Because all you have to do is say MOM I DON'T KNOW. Hahahaha! Just tell her we don't know we don't have a guest list yet. I mean I didn't even have a bridal shower. I didn't want one. All it is is a bunch of women sitting around eating cake and flocking all over you with presents. When they can give you those presents at the wedding. But hey if you really want to have a bridal shower make it fun. And have it mixed with a bacherlotte party. Have someone hire a georgoes guy to dance for everyone. Now that is a bridal shower to remember. Make sure good ol mom gets her a dance.

But seriously I just think that bridal showers. Are a little materialistic. It's like your only inviting these people over to give you gifts. And it seems like people who normally have them. Act like oh gosh I cannot live if I don't have a bridal shower. It's the end of the world if I cannot have a bridalshower. Like their princesses or something. But also remember this at least you have a mom and family. That is very involved in your future plans.
Crystal

[rainbowtreat]

Hi I am going to come across a little blunt. But their is other things to worry about or gripe about.
But seriously I just think that bridal showers. Are a little materialistic. It's like your only inviting these people over to give you gifts. And it seems like people who normally have them. Act like oh gosh I cannot live if I don't have a bridal shower. It's the end of the world if I cannot have a bridalshower. Like their princesses or something. But also remember this at least you have a mom and family. That is very involved in your future plans.
Crystal

OK for one not every one will if they dont have one. And two, it is usually your friends and family hanging out to throw you a little party just for you before you get married. I see nothing wrong with that. You can have a bridal shower and say no gfts just as you can do with a wedding. It is up to the person. And the people who normaly have them are not ALL little princesses. My was a suprise and it great tosee every one together in one place, which never happens, and beable to spend tim ewith them all. You can not do this very well on your wedding day. So yes you wer blunt but remember who you talking to here. Every one is very different here. There is nothign wrong with wanting a bridal shower and nothing wring with having one. If you dont want one that is YOUR choice. yes we are all here to help and give advice but I personly thought yours a little harsh to any one who might read it. I am not lashing out here. I am just telling you how it came across to me. This is my second wedding and I don't mind if I do or do not have one. The purpuse of the bridal shower ( for my sake ) was that my family got me alot of things that I needed for the wedding , the glasses and knife set, etc. We had a fun time and every oen was glad to see me. So dont have one if that is what you want to do but dont put others down for wanting one. That is what it sounded like you did.

[WhiskeyGirl]

OK for one not every one will if they dont have one. And two, it is usually your friends and family hanging out to throw you a little party just for you before you get married. I see nothing wrong with that. You can have a bridal shower and say no gfts just as you can do with a wedding. It is up to the person. And the people who normaly have them are not ALL little princesses. My was a suprise and it great tosee every one together in one place, which never happens, and beable to spend tim ewith them all. You can not do this very well on your wedding day. So yes you wer blunt but remember who you talking to here. Every one is very different here. There is nothign wrong with wanting a bridal shower and nothing wring with having one. If you dont want one that is YOUR choice. yes we are all here to help and give advice but I personly thought yours a little harsh to any one who might read it. I am not lashing out here. I am just telling you how it came across to me. This is my second wedding and I don't mind if I do or do not have one. The purpuse of the bridal shower ( for my sake ) was that my family got me alot of things that I needed for the wedding , the glasses and knife set, etc. We had a fun time and every oen was glad to see me. So dont have one if that is what you want to do but dont put others down for wanting one. That is what it sounded like you did.

I agree whole heartedly! I did not have a bridal shower because I was a "princess"...they are a tradition that my family likes to uphold!! I agree with everything you said Gwen!! You go girl!!

[CarlosHoney]

Oh, and Miss Manners would disagree!! You are not supposed to bring gifts to the wedding. They are to be sent to the Bride and Groom through the mail, or brought by in person.

This bringing gifts to the wedding is new. I don't think that people should bring them simply because there's enough for the couple to think about WITHOUT presents thrown into the mix.

[StaceyMc]

I've tried and tried not to respond to Miss Crystal's post on this thread, but I can't keep it in any longer.

I am NOT a princess. You do NOT know me. You do NOT judge me.

I don't feel that I have to explain myself to you, however, I originally told my sister and mother that I didn't want to have a shower.

I could give a :censored: about receiving gifts. I enjoy getting all of the woman together. It's a great way for my mom and sister to get to know my FH's mom and sisters.

And don't tell me that there are other things to worry about or gripe about. I know there are other things to gripe about, but at that moment, that was bothering me. Read the title of the section "Wedding Stress, Vents and Frustrations". Believe me, I'm not sitting around just worrying about bridal showers and guest lists. I have a job, I have a home, I have a life.

So, before you start calling people materialistic and princesses, why don't you hang around and get to know people first.

And, stop using "blunt" as your excuse to be ignorant and rude.

[Valmai]

Sorry and please dont shout but what exactly is a bridal shower and what does it entail? we dont have these over here and they seem to be mentioned loads on here xxx

[blueeyedbride]

It involves most of the time all your close women friends and relatives. it is like a party in a way with food and sometimes games.. It is hosted by the maid of honor or maybe someone else but the bride recives gifts (exe.. toaster, dish towles, bath towels ect...) things you would need to start your own house furnisihings.....

[Valmai]

Ahhh rite thank you they sound kinda nice - we have nothing like that over here ( i dont think they sound materialistic tho?) Sounds like a good excuse to get together have a good gosiip aboutt he wedding in general and be spoilt for the day/evening lol xxx