Kids at the dinner ? kids at the reception ? [Archive]

martysgurl

02-08-2006, 09:07 PM

WhiskeyGirl

02-08-2006, 10:56 PM

There are plenty of people who feel the same way as you. You'll just have to tell your mom to explain to your aunt and uncle that your reception will be kid free and that she made a mistake tellign them that they can bring their children!! This is your wedding, take back the control now before anyone thinks they can undermind you on anything! Best of luck!!

Jenn060306

02-08-2006, 10:58 PM

We are only having children who are directly related to us at the wedding. Our neice and nephews who will be in the wedding party and my cousins daughter. None of our friends will be bringing their children because we want to keep it to adults. The kids who are attending are 6, 6, 2, and 8months. So they won't be up much later then dinner.
You're not a nut, and i'm sorry that you've been put in a position where you are not completely happy with the decision. You should express you're wishes to you're mother so she doesen't tell any more guests that they are welcome to bring their children to your wedding. But also talk to her about why she told your aunt and uncle they could bring their boys. My FMiL got re-married last summer and one couple said they wouldn't be able to attend the wedding if they weren't able to bring their children. In the end i hardly even remember the girls being there. So their might be a particular reason behind it.

Hayz

02-09-2006, 12:04 AM

Are you having a dance/party after your dinner. Maybe you can say No to kids at the dinner but they're most welcome to come to the dance.
I'm not inviting any kids to any part of my wedding. The youngest is 14 and thats my youngest cousin. FH has younger cousins but we are not inviting them, and one of my friends has 2 young kids but we are not inviting them either. Though my friend has asked if it was ok if she organised the babysitter to bring the kids down so they were waiting for us to come out of the church so her daughter can give me a horseshoe or something. Not sure how thats going to work cos she only just 2 and doesn't exactly know me. I've only met her twice due as we don't live in the same place.

LaceyinPgh

02-09-2006, 08:05 AM

We are doing adults only too. The only "kids" that will be there are my 16 year old cousins. One is my bm so I can't very well have her and not invite the other two. We spread by word of mouth that it was an adult only reception. You can just call your mother and give her two options, she can call and expalin it to the people who she already gave the ok to or you can call and explain it. But, make it very clear to her that it will be expalined. Then do what we did, on our reception card is states "Adult dinner reception...." and the envelopes will be adressed to the adults of the family only, outside, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and inside, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." If someone RSVPs with more than were invited, you call and explain to them that it is an adult party and that your budget is too tight to allow extra people but you are looking forward to spending time with them.

StaceyMc

02-09-2006, 10:12 AM

You are absolutely not nuts! I can not believe that your mother would undermine your decision to have an adult reception!

I agree with everyone who told you to either have your mother call and uninvite the children, or you're going to have to do it. It unfortunate that she's put you in this position.

bnd94

02-09-2006, 10:18 AM

We don't mind kids coming. It doesn't matter to me. Our ceremony is the only part that we want private with only the people that we have asked to be there. We will probably have quite a few kids at the reception though unless the parents get babysitters but I doubt they will. It is going to be more of a big party than a reception anyway. The only traditional things we are doing is the cake cutting and maybe a few dances. I have thought about hiring a babysitter if there is a lot of kids just to keep them occupied. It helps that there is a swing set and some other things to play on at the ballfield. ;)

It's really a personal decision but alot of feelings can be hurt over this topic. I know my cousins wouldn't even come to my brother's wedding because kids weren't invited. I think that was a little rude on their part but whatever, they really weren't missed. ;) It should be the bride and grooms decision and people should honor that. It is their day. :D

CindySue

02-09-2006, 10:23 AM

We have talked about it and we would LOVE to have an adult only reception, but we cant figure out how to pull it off. 1st, our kids are in the wedding. And his nephew and daughter want to play a song for us at the reception. None of the kids will be spending the night with us that night. Mine will be going with my dad (I think) and his will be going back with his mom. So.....we decided we can spend a few hours with them at the reception because we will have several days without them on the honeymoon!!!!

martysgurl

02-09-2006, 01:35 PM

I agree that my mother is over the line. Thats a whole other story :)
I dunno how to fix that part. I think i'll just live with having kids there and see how it goes. I dont' mind kids personally I just think receptions should be for adults. When I send out invites i'm only putting the adults names. See how that helps. If they bring there kids its there choice. I'm not very gutsy so I wont say much.

CindySue

02-09-2006, 01:42 PM

Is there someone else besides your mother that could help spread the "no kids" by word of mouth? And since SHES the one that told your aunt and uncle they could bring kids, then SHE should be the one to explain what a mistake she made. Are you having kids in the wedding party?

martysgurl

02-09-2006, 07:53 PM

Yes i'm having my own 2 and 4 yr old as part of the wedding party. I know my 4 yr old will be at the reception late enough as well.
I'm sure it all work out.
My dads wife is the one that really said no kids to me. She was the one who got me started on it I think. I'm pretty sure she is telling her own family no kids. See how it goes. I just figure most families like to spend a Saturday night out with out there kids. I understand when your out of town you dont' have much choice but still.
Ah the stress of this wedding is going to kill me :)

9801crystal

03-04-2006, 06:21 PM

No you are not a nut. I got married recently in october last year. I had told my aunt I do not want kids under 6 yrs old at my wedding. She asked why I said because I do not want screaming kids throwing a tantrum at my wedding. I didn't tell a lot of people that. But why would people want to bring babies to a wedding or 3 yr old kids. I mean they are tempermental. You never know when they will have their fit. Just don't put that on your invitations. It might make you look snooty. I thought about doing that at first. But I realized to do it a better way. Do you have kids? I remember people telling me oh if you had kids you wouldn't be that way. Which I thought was very rude of them to say. The reason why brides feel this way. Is because they want romance in their wedding. Not screaming kids under 6 with smelly diapers. My cousin recently got married to this girl that has a kid by someone else. Her kid is 3 yrs old ok. Well this little girl was going to be her mothers flowergirl. Well she had threw a fit and screamed and fussed almost ruined her moms wedding. So the babysitter had to take this little girl home. And she missed out on her moms wedding. She is the same litte 3 yr old I said cannot come to my wedding. If they ask just tell them and if they get offended. Then they have issues.
Crystal

blueeyedbride

03-05-2006, 04:38 PM

No you are not nuts.... I feel the same way about having an adult only reception..... There are some people that won't come if their kids are not invited, tuff **** on their part, kids do not need to be at everything....... I'm addressing my envelopes to the adults in the family not putting the kids on there.

wolf4091

03-05-2006, 05:27 PM

that's just awful. saying no kids at a wedding? i mean the DINNER yes ok but to a reception? ok let's just assume all kids are bad. as a parent if someone told me that i couldnt bring mine to such a public event i wouldnt attend and be so insulted!! if there are to be no kids at the wedding dinner just say so and then maybe do something fun at another time to make them feel included. kids usually only act up when they are just so bored they dont know what to do with theirself. my kids love helping to set up and clean up and act like little ladies at parties. since someone else did the talking and gave the go ahead without your consent i feel it should be THEIR duty to undo it. as long as the kids are not destructive or ill behaved i dont see why it should be a problem. and they do make videos so much fun!!

9801crystal

03-05-2006, 05:58 PM

I have replied to you before. I am sending you another message. You say you have kids also. But you also say you do not want kids at the dinner reception. If you have a family member that is telling other guest no kids. They might take that personal. It would be better if you told them. If they ask why just say we are having alcohol served or other reasons. Your family might not see it that way because they will say well her kids are going.

But I also would like to say this just because a bride doesn't want kids at a certain age at a wedding. Doesn't mean that bride is a bad person either. I think it how a child acts also. I remember I told my friend I don't want kids at my wedding. She said to me well what about my kid. I asked her will she act up. She said no she said if my kid cannot come I will not go to your wedding. I explained to her that I am just very worried. Don't get me wrong I adore kids. I have been around kids who can be bad at the wrong timing. To where their parents do not do a thing. I think people with kids or without. Need to see our sides also. Instead of assuming we soon to be brides are just being snooty and unreasonable. Good luck and tell us how it goes in the future.
Crystal

blueeyedbride

03-05-2006, 06:39 PM

Another thing as to my opinion, if you are having a reception at a place were you are paying $11-12 dollars etc. per person it is a little much to pay for someones kids that are gonna waste half of what they get, some receptions its hard to invite kids only to the dancing part. Its your wedding you do what u want your the "QUEEN" that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9801crystal

03-05-2006, 06:52 PM

I agree also with you
Crystal

Kacie_bride

03-06-2006, 11:06 PM

I adore kids and want them at my wedding and reception, but I respect anyone who doesn't and I understand why. I don't think anyone is a bad person who doesn't want children there. I've had friends that didn't allow children. It's just a personal choice.

CarlosHoney

03-07-2006, 12:23 AM

I can understand why someone would want an adults only wedding, but I think that you should have an area onsite with babysitters, kid food, and activities. It's as simple as having a couple of afterhours daycare workers and a few boxes of pizza.

We went out for our anavarsary and the whole night I was calling and checking on Elias. We were only gone for a few hours! I know that being able to pop in and check on them puts me at ease, and if the parents don't have to secure childcare (unless of course, they want to) then they are more likely to be able to come to the wedding.

Oh, and something that I know some caterers do is charge half for a kid's plate.. Like chicken fingers, or grilled cheese, or something.

ikkin510

03-07-2006, 08:18 AM

CindySue

03-07-2006, 10:27 AM

We are not going to be haven't any children at our wedding with the exception of the ringbearer. Both of our families and friends know about this and they are fine with it. There aren't many that have small children, but the ones that do say they would love to have a night out without the kids. Both my FH and I love children and would like to have a big family one day, but we just choose not to invite them. Let the parents have a night out and enjoy. I personally have only been to one wedding where children were invited and it went fine. I was having fun watching the kids dance to the music. They are so cute!

I would view it as an excuse to get away from kids. I understand completely that kids arent going to be allowed everywhere. If Im invited somewhere and my kids arent, if I can get a sitter, I will go. If I cant, then I guess I will stay home. Its as simple as that!
Now there will be children at MY wedding, but I want them there and Im not worried about any of them throwing a fit. If they do, its on their parents not me. Im not going to be the one looking bad if my nieces or nephews act up. And I seriously doubt that its going to "ruin" my wedding. My kids are IN my wedding party, and i do have 1 under 6. If all of the kids invited show up there with be 6 there under the age of 6. We are planning to have an area set up in the house for them and a couple of the older kids will be "babysitting".

Kacie_bride

03-07-2006, 03:18 PM

I was wondering if not inviting children to weddings is a cultural thing. I've only ever been invited to one wedding where children weren't allowed and that was in Pennsylvania. I've never heard of anyone not inviting children here in Texas or most of the southern states, except really fancy weddings that I've only read about in magazines. Have you guys noticed that or is it just me? But like I said before, I understand why children wouldn't be allowed.

wedbyjean

03-07-2006, 06:55 PM

if someone told me that i couldnt bring mine to such a public event A wedding reception is not a public event, but a private function, and the bride and groom, as the "hosts" of the event have the right to invite whomever they want.

It is a personal choice whether to invite children to your wedding and reception. For some couples, having children at their function is the right choice, for others it isn't.

Are all kids "bad" or will all kids "throw a fit?" Of course not. But kids will be kids. They get tired and bored and cranky a lot quicker than older folks. If they aren't given something to do, they will find something -- whether it be running around the dance floor or running around the cake table.

kheath10

04-12-2006, 09:34 AM

Well first of all i am haveing my daughter as my jr brides maid she is 10 yrs old my little cousin is my flower girl she is 4 and my fiances 2 boys are jr grooms they are 10and 12 and that is all the children that will be in my wedding. And my reception I have a kids table for them and that is that.
WHOOOOOOO ever does'nt like it can stay there:censored: at home this is my wedding and I can have whatever i want especially when they arent paying for it. I used to be so nice and sweet every thing was bothering me before this wedding and now I am on a rapage with stupid :censored: people. Just want o run every thing first you, then your wedding, then the reception, then your life . Look honey you call your momma or give me her number and i will call her and tell her I love you but there are no kids and that is that. Yes im am sure there are going to be some mad people at me but I don't care because i am on a budget and if they are going to give me a wedding refund check ;) then fine but I doubt it so come and enjoy or stay home and be annoyned thier choice. I have decided that my life and the things i want i will do because people don't want you to be happy and most of all your family . I have had to find that out the hard way.
SO GOOD LUCK AND START STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF!!

Amber818

04-12-2006, 12:16 PM

What are you ideas on this ??
I have had one fight with my SIL already over no kids at the dinner. I had kinda not wanted alot of kids at the reception but now my mother has gave the go ahead to my aunt and uncle to bring there boys. There under 10.
So now I have no choice and its my wedding ??Ack
ANyone else feel this way ?? Or am a nut

I couldn't agree with you more. My reception is $67 a head, call me cheap but I really don't want to pay that for a child. Obviously the ring bearer, flower girl, and usher will be there but I think we are passing it around "word of mouth" that it is an adult reception...

Jenn060306

04-12-2006, 12:27 PM

We are only having our neice and nephew who are in the bridal party and my cousin is bringing her daughter who we've never met and they are tavelling halfway across the country and since the rest of the family is coming. There would be nobody to watch her for the weekend.
Other then those 3 there are no children at the wedding. We are having people from the age of 13-18 though. There is different costs for different things. $25.00 for the kids which will give them chicken fingers rather then a more formal dinner, $65.00 for minors because they won't be able to drink. Then $97.00 for everyone eles. It includes an open bar, all the decorations, etc.
We chose not to have kids because we wanted it to be an adult only party and allow our friends who have little kids a night out. The three little ones will be asleep by 9 or so. There is a nice little quiet area available.

Kacie_bride

04-12-2006, 05:22 PM

I couldn't agree with you more. My reception is $67 a head, call me cheap but I really don't want to pay that for a child. Obviously the ring bearer, flower girl, and usher will be there but I think we are passing it around "word of mouth" that it is an adult reception...

Does your caterer offer half price for the children? My caterer does half price for children 5-12 and free under 5. If they do then that will be better for you when it comes to the ring bearer, flower girl, and usher. Be careful passing around the news word of mouth because I have heard of someone on here I think trying that out and it did not work. She ended up with RSVP's for children and then she had to get herself out of it. I think you should probably have it written that it is an adult reception so you wont get yourself in this situation.

StaceyMc

04-13-2006, 08:46 AM

At $67 a person, I wouldn't risk "word of mouth". My sister's reception cards read something like "Adult reception to be held at the Lamplighter immediately following the ceremony." She didn't have any trouble, I don't think.

Joe and I are probably going to let children come, because my sister and bil will have a 9 month old by that time and his sister and bil have a 1 year old (at that time), so I couldn't exclude them and we don't have any other younger kids - all kids would be 11 and over, I think.

rainbowtreat

04-13-2006, 06:50 PM

I dont mind kids at my wedding. But then I am not paying all out for meals either. My brother in law and his mom are doing the food for me. It will be a buffet style meal. We have our 2 in the wedding and my sisters 2. If any one else brings their child it is fine. I am going to have a table set up with things for the kids to do. We plan on sending our kids home with the older kids later on in the night so we can enjoy ourselves with no worries.