Am I getting over Paranoid?

[RevMatty]

From my blog on Trucker Spaces.....

Been awhile since I last blogged. So here I go.
Had a wedding this past Friday, that went excellent, and now that summer is coming, business is slowly picking up again, YAHOO!!!
Still working on getting a lower mortgage.
But here's where the stress comes in. As some of you know, a former co-worker, friend, and fellow minister is renting my spare bedroom. Things were going well for awhile. I gave him reigns of my wedding ministry, and even changed the name (which sounds better). But he wanted more controll, he wanted to take and change my church name. No way in heaven was that going to happen. So he started to distance himself from the church.
Yet that's not all. My wife has been out of work for 2 months now do to her back. And ever since he's moved in, she's been distanting herself from me. Doesn't want to cuddle, call's him sweety, dear, cutie, honey, etc. And some of the stuff I've heard between both of them, "when I move out, you can come live with me and find a better job, your young enough to remarry, Matt's an a** towards you." Then when me and her have a talk, he hear's all about it, and I get turned into a creep.
So now I'm starting to lose faith in our marriage, for good reason, our past is replaying it's self. And I'm not the only one that see's this. Yet they claim it's all inocent, I've had many sleepless nights, in bed, on the couch.
And the hard thing is I'm a minister and have to forgive according to the Bible, and I have so many times (and I don't do it cause God tell's me to), but I never forget.
That's been my life the past couple months.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Whoaaa it sounds as if you have a full plate and way too much to deal with, digest and think about. :bbcry:

Do you have a spiritual advisor or mentor that you might talk to? Perhaps he/she could counsel you. It might also be a good to seek couple's counseling so as to set the two of you back on the same track.

I'll lift up some prayers. :hug:

[soontobemrs]

As I agree with what Serendipity suggested about a spiritual mentor, I think it may also be time to consider asking your renter to leave. I know that is easier said than done but you don't want matters spiraling out of control. This of course is only my opinion. I'm sorry you are going through this and hope things get better for you.

[IDoTwo]

I don't think you're being paranoid.

[PGDesigns]

Aww, Matty, I'm sorry you have all of this going on right now!

I think you have a serious right to be concerned. I definitely second the couples counseling. I know that being a minister sometimes requires one to forgive more than perhaps the average person, so to speak, but if it were me, I would ask your renter to leave.

You'll be in my thoughts!

[domeafavor]

So sorry Matty, I agree with Elizabeth and what the other onewed ladies said. I agree its time your former co-worker move out.

[pipsqueak]

Wow...I'm terribly sorry your are going through all of that! My thoughts and prayers are with you! Have you spoken with your wife on the topic? I know that it may be a touchy subject and she may snap at you, but I've always felt that being upfront with my worries [whether about me or my Joseph] has always been the best policy. And, as mentioned before, do you have a higher pastor you could speak with? Such as the secular leader of your community with whom you could converse with on the topic? Also, perhaps it is time to tell your renter to make like a bat out of...well...get out quickly. ;)

I will be praying for you and your situation, and I hope you will remain strong.

[EarlyBird]

Matt,
I am so saddened to hear this from you, as your such a great person and dont deserve this in your life. To answer your question harshly; no you are not being paranoid. To be a little more sensitive: To what extent have you spoken to your wife about this? Explain to her your concerns, if she gets defensive or all of the sudden, he knows about the conversation; get him out. Okay i understand your willingness to forgive (yet not forget) but I doubt God would want you to sit by and not try to take every possible step to stop this (should anything be tempting either of them to hurt you in this way) If he is such a man of God, hopefully he will realize the toll this is taking on you and have the heart to speak with you about whatever is going on. I would venture to say that even after you speak with her, i would speak with him as well.

Matt, i am so so so sorry. Even if none of your fears are founded, you still dont deserve the undoubtable pain your going through. We are here; talk when you need us! My thoughts are with you

[bichonlvr]

Oh gosh!!!

WTF (sorry Matty)!!!

Okay I am guessing that you have talked to him about this, if not I would suggest doing so and telling him to take a hike. Yes, money will be tight, but that is a must!

Also, you need to explain to your wife, that yes, it might all be for fun and innocent, that it hurts your feelings, and from the outside in it does not look innocent. Of, course you can forgive, however, there is a huge difference from forgiving and just turning a blind eye, that is not so smart. Things can be worked out as much as possible, but remember if something is going on you do not need to take this (rap! You have a bunch of chicks that are ready to rumble for you!!!!!!

I'm sorry you are going through this....Keep your head up high!

[val24]

wow

you are not paranoid

good luck i hope you can work things out

*i agree with everyone else in their posting*

*hugs*

[bichonlvr]

AND...what is the past is replaying itself?

Do I have to fly out that and kick some arse????

[RevMatty]

AND...what is the past is replaying itself?

Do I have to fly out that and kick some arse????
A similar incident from our past, where she up and walked out on me before, but I was nice enough to take her back.

As for talking to her, I try, but then she turns it all around and insideout, upside down, etc. And says I'm yelling at her for no reason? Yelling!?!? Sounds like talking to a mime may be easier, right now.
But anywho, I'm going to go talk to an old friend today, and see what he says.

[bichonlvr]

Oh Matty!!!!

Chat away......

Stay strong, but see what is REAL!

[SerendipityCrafts]

But anywho, I'm going to go talk to an old friend today, and see what he says.

I think that is a good idea. IMHO it may not be the best idea to be giving up too much info online; especially when it's not possible to delete it later - KWIM?

[bichonlvr]

I think that is a good idea. IMHO it may not be the best idea to be giving up too much info online; especially when it's not possible to delete it later - KWIM?

true true!!!

We can "chat" later ;) We can keep Elizabeth up for it!!! She loves going to bed super late to chat with all of us!

[SerendipityCrafts]

We can "chat" later ;) We can keep Elizabeth up for it!!! She loves going to bed super late to chat with all of us!

LOL do you have a bottle of wine (or two) for me?

[WBandMe]

No, you're not being overparanoid.

Right now, I'm agreeing with those that have said to get your renter out. Maybe there isn't anything going on exactly, but it doesn't sound as if he's helping.

Good luck! *e-hug*

[RevMatty]

LOL do you have a bottle of wine (or two) for me?
Sorry no wine here, got Holy Water. You can even chose which kind, regular or toilet free.

[TangoWedding]

I'll just say it this way...if this story was posted by any of the women on here...getting yelled at by her DH, her DH calling some other woman 'honey' and saying he's going to move in with her later - and on top of it all, this happening more than once? We'd be screaming for her to GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP! We wouln't be saying "talk to her and get counselling." At least *I* wouldn't.

That's my two cents.

((((((((((((((((Matty)))))))))))))))))

No one deserves that.

Forgiveness is a tool god gave to you for yourself...not a free ride and an excuse for her.

[bichonlvr]

LOL do you have a bottle of wine (or two) for me?

HA HA!!!! Some good old Napa Valley wine for you...too bad I dont drinks ;) You can knock some back for me!

Maybe Matty needs some :D

[RevMatty]

HA HA!!!! Some good old Napa Valley wine for you...too bad I dont drinks ;) You can knock some back for me!

Maybe Matty needs some :D
Is it vintage 1872?

[bichonlvr]

Um...okay...no no I know KONA coffee!!!

[RevMatty]

Coffee, on my way over!! Now is that a left on Hollywood and Vine or a right?

[SerendipityCrafts]

This friend, renter, aka pastor & business partner .......... what kind of pastor is it that is encouraging a wife to turn away from her husband?!!!! IMHO his type of "counselling" is most definitely flawed and perhaps he should be reported.

[RevMatty]

He has resigned his postion, at the request of the church chairman and founder.

[Dani]

I'll just say it this way...if this story was posted by any of the women on here...getting yelled at by her DH, her DH calling some other woman 'honey' and saying he's going to move in with her later - and on top of it all, this happening more than once? We'd be screaming for her to GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP! We wouln't be saying "talk to her and get counselling." At least *I* wouldn't.

That's my two cents.

((((((((((((((((Matty)))))))))))))))))

No one deserves that.

Forgiveness is a tool god gave to you for yourself...not a free ride and an excuse for her.


Well said.

[Nekochanpurr]

Wow Matty.. That stinks! I will be praying for you. :(

[EarlyBird]

A similar incident from our past, where she up and walked out on me before, but I was nice enough to take her back.

As for talking to her, I try, but then she turns it all around and insideout, upside down, etc. And says I'm yelling at her for no reason? Yelling!?!? Sounds like talking to a mime may be easier, right now.
But anywho, I'm going to go talk to an old friend today, and see what he says.


truthfully, us women do that whole twist it around "STOP YELLING AT ME" bit often when we dont want to discuss something. As unpleasurable as it will be; dont let yourself continue to be hurt (like i said whether or not something is going on isnt the TOTAL point--- the point is your hurting and feel like noone is being open and honest with you) You must speak with both of them-- not together but also within a close time period so that they dont "collaborate" a story together .. ohhh matty my heart goes out to you--- my thoughts are with you

[firespirit]

Awww, I'm sorry to hear this. I don't think you're being over paranoid.

If you can convince her I would really suggest seeing a marriage couselor.

My thoughts are with you.

[shawnsgirl]

Hey Rev. I will keep you in my prayers...

Even if everything is "just friends" and innocent between the two of them..I think he's too involved in your life and your marriage. When the two of you have a disagreement he should be in the other room and staying out of it. Also, your wife shouldn't be talking about marital problems or arguements with him. I just don't think that is right. When my DH and I disagree I don't vent to my mom, his friends, or my friends about personal issues. Sometimes I may laugh about it or just vent to my one dear freind just to keep myself in check by asking am I overreacting....type thing. DH is my partner and my best friend he's the one I talk to about our problems...

Women do have a way of twisting things and turning them around! I'm guilty of it myself. I do think you have a right to be suspicious and should seek some sort of marital counseling. I hope your meeting with your friend goes well and you get some more insight. Good luck!!

[EarlyBird]

He has resigned his postion, at the request of the church chairman and founder.




Ummmm.. so what is he doing NOW? is he working or staying home all day with YOUR WIFE?!?!?
Ohhh jeez.. heartbreaking even if it is innocent cuz i hate thinking you are hurting. you dont deserve it..

[todaysdestinationwedding]

I'm with the others Matty....kick him out...like........YESTERDAY! I wouldn't bother asking him either...he has worn out his welcome.

[kgvettegirl]

Hey Matty I will be keeping you and your wife in my prayers. I know as a pkgrandkid that you are under alot of stress and strain that "normal" men are not. Keep your heart and eyes on our father and he will lead you in the path that he set you on. Oh, and kick that sorry excuse for a pastor out.