What do yall think about Prenups?

[CindySue]

I was just wondering what yall views on prenups were. Brian and I are doing one, and it shocks everyone that it was my idea. We live in a community property state and we have different reasons for doing it. He has a LOT of rental property that he doesnt want lose should something happen to us. His ex tried to take him to the cleaners. I dont want anyone elses debt, my ex tried to stick me with his. People say that we are already planning our divorce but the one we are doing is actually more of a joint will than an actually prenup. It will not only protect us in the event of divorce but if one of us were to die. That was really the main reason for doing it in the first place.

[dee177]

I think im signing one for my partner, he's only mentioned it once tho so im not sure. The thing is he and his business partner own a designer menswear store. The ladieswear store next door is owned by his business partners family. It was esablished by his partners grandma and is worh millions so Im signing a prenup to sy that if we split im not entitled to any of the predominantly family owned business, which is cool if I get the dog!! haha

[CarlosHoney]

I think that in this day and age, 50% of couples won't make it. That's just reality. A pre-nup isn't a biggie.

The legal aspect of marriage is the one that scares Carlo the most. I think that it can set a mind at ease during a particularly tumultuous time.

[CindySue]

I think im signing one for my partner, he's only mentioned it once tho so im not sure. The thing is he and his business partner own a designer menswear store. The ladieswear store next door is owned by his business partners family. It was esablished by his partners grandma and is worh millions so Im signing a prenup to sy that if we split im not entitled to any of the predominantly family owned business, which is cool if I get the dog!! haha

Thats cool! This website we pulled up had info about them and it said that in the past 5 years over 50% of the preneups signed in the state of Texas was to protect the WIFE's assets, not the husbands. Women are getting out and making their own ways and buying their own houses and such. I will have to find it but I thought it was really interesting.

Basically what ours will say is that whats in MY name in mine, whats in HIS name is his, if its in both our names, we split it.

[CarlosHoney]

Basically what ours will say is that whats in MY name in mine, whats in HIS name is his, if its in both our names, we split it.I think that's the cool, common since thing to do. The only reason that I would ever be a :censored: and try and take everything would be if he cheated or left me for someone else.

[CindySue]

I think that's the cool, common since thing to do. The only reason that I would ever be a :censored: and try and take everything would be if he cheated or left me for someone else.

I think that would be the reason I would want go after everything too. I wont because I know how much BS is involved in his rental property and i dont want that headache!

[CarlosHoney]

Yeah, that's probably a god reason not to. I immagine people don't care much for what they don't own.

I'm tired of renting, though. I really want my own house.

[CindySue]

He makes pretty good money buying houses, fixing them up then renting them out, but you're right....a lot of people dont really care since its not theirs and when they stiff him for rent and move, he has to fix it up AGAIN.

[CarlosHoney]

I don't know if I could do that. It would be so heartbreaking!

[KMac]

Hey Cindy,
It's funny how everyone hears the word "pre-nup" and they freek. I think this is a good idea. I agree with why you and Brian want to do this. It just makes sense. In the long run, you are just protecting yourselves in the event that something happens (which we all know that it won't). ;)
KMac

[CarlosHoney]

Yeah, Carlo gets worried about the legal aspects of marriage. He doesn't want me to try and screw him later on if something happens.

The way I see it, breaking up sucks. Married or not. And now that we have a child, it's going to be even harder. You know, I tell him that it doesn't matter to me about the legal stuff. I'm not that type of person to go and try to take everything. I do think that it's fair to split things evenly, and whoever has the children should keep the house, but I don't think that a woman should try to suck a man dry just because things didn't work out. Also goes with men.

Taking advantage of anyone, whether you know them or not, is wrong. And I think that in this day and age, marriage isn't always forrever. My dad has been married 8 times now. I don't think that it always works out, but humans are a hopeful species.

Many of us here are on second marriages (maybe more) and I think that having a realistic view is good. The road to (you know where) is paved with good intentions. Marriage is a contract of good intentions. I really feel that a prenup is a responsible thing to do, and in the case, where children are involved that aren't yours, it's the right thing to do.

[WebLady]

I have mixed feelings about the whole prenup thing ... I wish I had one when I was married before. When we got divorced, I got stuck with alot of his outstanding tax debt and he got the house and let that get repossessed and I ended up having to file bankruptcy to get out of all that. However, the tax stuff wouldn't have mattered because we filed together that year. Something that I would NEVER do again. But there were problems from the start of all that.

In my marriage now we don't have any problems. There are a few things on my credit that he doesn't like (because of the divorce and the BK) but we will never file taxes together (my idea) so it will never be a problem. He has some stuff, but most of what we have we have accumulated since we have been together. Right now pretty much everything we have is in his name, but if doesn't really bother me.

We do have a will that states I get everything in the event that he should die. We have separate checking accounts, but I am on all his accounts and he is on mine. (not as a signer, just in case of death) And I am the primary beneficiary on his life insurance. However, I am not sure how I would feel if he had asked me for a prenup. I sort of feel like if he was thinking "What if we don't make it" then he wasn't sure about us, so why get married anyway? Yeah, I know that statistics say half of all marriages end, but that is just the way I feel. I feel certain our relationship is going to last. But in the unlikely event that is doesn't I am not going to 'take him' for anything that isn't mine. Unless he cheats on me ;) Honestly, it has taken me ALOT to let him 'take care of me' and to work together towards our future.

But, I do see how some people with more to lose might want that added 'protection' "Better safe than sorry" right? In a way I guess that is what life insurance is for too. I mean, I don't want to think about my husband dieing, (or me either) but I am glad things are in place in the worst were to happen. For me, if something happens to us I am not ever getting married again.

Ok, sorry for rambling on ... I think it is a personal decision the couple should make together. Who cares what others think. I would tell them to just butt out ;)

[CarlosHoney]

Sorry about your bad experience, Weblady! I'm glad that things are working out.

Yeah, it is a very personal decision. We're not having one (though we really don't have any assets to protect) and I'm comfortable with that. But, I can't say that if I had a house or something to that effect that I wouldn't ask for one. I don't think that it's asking for much. It's just insurance. ;)

[CindySue]

Youre right WebLady. I wish I would have had one before too.
Our decision to do it came about when we were looking for the paperwork needed for the joint will. We were wanting to protect the other from getting stuck with stuff that wasnt ours if the other would pass away. AND....then we found this. We started talking about it, discussed what it meant, etc. We actually see it as a way to help get rid of some of those "doubt demons" and its worked. Our past marriages were not for the right reasons.......we didnt know that then but we found out later. We had both been used. This paperwork shows we arent using eachother. People will say that if you trust eachother.......blah, blah......, but they dont know our realtionship, they dont know EVERYTHING we went though in the past, and if this little piece of paper helps us BOTH be less scared and nervous about the future, then by all means we are going to do it. I would like to think that Brain and I will be together forever, but having been divorced before and my mother being widowed a few years ago at 45, I know not to get my hopes up on forever.I dont WANT anything to happen to us and I will work as hard as I can to prevent it and I will love him and cherish him each day and take it one day at a time. You NEVER know what tommorrow will bring.

[WebLady]

Well since I can't just agree ;) ...

Sorry about your bad experience, Weblady! I'm glad that things are working out.

Thanks :) I wish the best to and Carlo and your new family! :wub: And you are right, sometimes just having insurance means alot ... even if you never use it.

Youre right WebLady. I wish I would have had one before too.

Our decision to do it came about when we were looking for the paperwork needed for the joint will. We were wanting to protect the other from getting stuck with stuff that wasnt ours if the other would pass away. AND....then we found this ...

I understand where you are coming from and I respect your decision. If this makes you guys feel more comfortable, then by all means do what you feel is best.

We actually talked a little about it at one point but decided it wasn't something we needed. I am glad we have all the other things like life insurance and such.

Like you said ... I cherish every day we have together and I will do everything in my power to make the best of every day. I truly believe that we were meant to be together ... our relationship is everything I have ever wanted and more. I use to have doubt but after nearly 7 years, I don't really have doubt anymore. I look forward to a wonderful future together ... how ever long that may be is in God's hands. I will deal with the 'what ifs' if and when that time comes.

LOL ... maybe I don't care about the prenup because I don't have anything to 'protect' :wink:

I wish the best of everything to all of you ladies!

[Jenn060306]

I think it is a good idea especially if you are coming into the marriage with some major assets such as rental properties. And you have had a bad experience in the past.

I don't plan on doing one myself because we have very little of any real value at this point. I also belive that if things don't work out that we will have the respect and understanding to meet eachothers needs.

I think it's really unfortunet that people are so shocked that one would want to protect themselves. I don't think it is somthing that anyone has the right to critize anyone for. It doesen't mean its the beginning of the end for that relationship. Plus knowing that it protects the other person in case of death is really rather reassuring. It can show people that you care about what will happen to them once you are gone.

[bnd94]

We aren't doing a prenup. Everything we have we have worked together to get anyway. I was 15 when we started dating so obviously I didn't come into the relationship with anything more than some furniture. And he was 21. We both know eachother well enough to know that no matter what happens in the future we would never try to screw eachother.

[WebLady]

We aren't doing a prenup. Everything we have we have worked together to get anyway. I was 15 when we started dating so obviously I didn't come into the relationship with anything more than some furniture. And he was 21. We both know eachother well enough to know that no matter what happens in the future we would never try to screw eachother.

I think maybe this better discribes how I feel ... I didn't have much coming into this and most of what we have now we have worked together to get. And we have been together for a while and know that we wouldn't be out to get anything if something were to happen.

But, I agree with what Jenn said ... I don't think it is somthing that anyone has the right to critize anyone for. It should be a personal choice the couple makes for themselves.

And I also agree that the will and life insurance thing rather reassuring and shows that you care about what will happen if one of you should pass.

:goodluck: and best wishes! :D

[CindySue]

Thanks yall.....I just kinda wanted to hear someone else's opinion on this subject. We have caught ALOT of flack about it and thats just from the few people we have told.
We really just want to protect ourselves and eachother. When we got married before, we went into it thinking it was forever. It wasnt. We know our relationship is VERY different than anything we have had before, that we were meant to be together, and I guess thats why we were able to discuss this and agree without one of us getting offended.

[Shawna Bride]

We haven't discussed it, but I don't think it's really necessary for us. We both make similar salaries (he more than I by a little). We've been together for 8 years, and we own a house together. For me it just doesn't feel right, but that's just my opinion.

[LaceyinPgh]

From a legal standpoint, you would have to be crazy to get married without a prenup. We all say that we would never hurt our partner but the fact of the matter is, divorce is a **** ugly and mean thing no matter how nicely you go about. You toss in some hurt feelings and emotions and watch out. But that is my opinion.

Also, depending on the state, pre nups can be worth less than the paper they are written on if you get a good enough attorney. They won't hold up to any child custody that is placed in them either.

[CindySue]

From a legal standpoint, you would have to be crazy to get married without a prenup. We all say that we would never hurt our partner but the fact of the matter is, divorce is a **** ugly and mean thing no matter how nicely you go about. You toss in some hurt feelings and emotions and watch out. But that is my opinion.

Also, depending on the state, pre nups can be worth less than the paper they are written on if you get a good enough attorney. They won't hold up to any child custody that is placed in them either.

Yeah....here in Texas the Attorney General can overturn ANY custodial agreement. Ive seen it happen tooo many times. AND THIS IS EVEN WITHOUT AN ATTORNEY!!!!! All you have to do it file with their office and they take care of the rest.

[usahgrad]

While I can see all the benefits of a prenup, we are also not getting one done. Probably the biggest reason is that we really don't have anything but a rented apartment and some recycled furniture and a cat (who was mine to begin with).

Secondly, if for whatever ungodly reason, our marriage ends, I'm not going to be worried about taking much but myself. If there are children in there, we will have joint custody. I grew up without a father and I DO NOT want my children to do the same.

We both are very much against divorce. Jason says the only reason he would leave me is if I cheated on him, and seeing as how I won't do that, I think we'll be alright. We don't have any problem with people who have gotten divorced and I've seen a million good reasons why marriages have ended, I just don't think I will ever get divorced.

So, I don't see us spending the time to get prenups done. We will be getting wills done and Jason has to change around his life insurance so that I become the beneficiary and not his sister's kids.

Guess that's just my two cents. I don't really like to let what other people do bother me to much, so whatever floats your boat! If getting a prenup done makes you feel less nervous about getting married (and I can see why it would!) then go for it! If you just don't think you need one...great! You're as broke as me! :) If you couldn't see why anyone would get one and how it's just setting your marriage up to fail, well ok then, that's your opinion, your welcome to it.

Good luck to all of you and hopefully you'll never need to use that emergency parachute!

[andysgirl07]

We're not getting a prenup either. For one, we're both basically starting out with just ourselves in the marriage. He has a car in his name and when I buy a new car, it'll be in my name. As for a house or any other large purchase of that nature, we'll probably buy it jointly, so if anything happens to us, we'd probably sell it. But I can see how getting a prenup would be the best for other couples, just not us.

[CindySue]

I understand if youre starting out fresh and will buying everything together you dont need one. A prenup is to protect assets you have before you get married. We both have assets, he has more than me, but in the event something should happen, those assets are protected. We are also protecting assets in the event of dealth too.

[Shawna Bride]

I don't know, maybe I'm just a romantic at heart... I just can't fathom doing a prenup before we get married. It does sort of feel like you are not 100% sure it's going to work out. I know the stats about marriages, but I still like to believe we're going to be one of the ones that work out!

[CindySue]

I don't know, maybe I'm just a romantic at heart... I just can't fathom doing a prenup before we get married. It does sort of feel like you are not 100% sure it's going to work out. I know the stats about marriages, but I still like to believe we're going to be one of the ones that work out!

I understand completely where you are coming from.....

[WhiskeyGirl]

I understand completely where you are coming from.....

Cindy, I think you are bang on with what you are doing with the prenup and all!! And no matter what anyone says, I think you are on the right track!!! I wish you and Brian the best of Luck!

My DH and I didn't do a prenup. We are like everyone else, we have no assets! However, I did ask him if he wanted to write one up! Not because I don't think our marriage will work (it would take so much for me to stop loving him!! ) but because his Brother and SIL don't have one, and she is a terriable gold digger, sitting waiting to get her hands on part of his dad's 8 million dollar farm. Thankfully, my DH's dad is putting certain things into his will that if they get a divorce, she gets nothing! And if my DH's brother dies after getting the farm then the farm is liquidated and divided up between the three remaing siblings and the (evil) SIL gets very little!! Their's is a situation that should have a prenup, but they didn't.

So no matter what anyone person decides, NO ONE can judge them about what they are doing. We are not in their shoes and its not about being romantic, its about being in their situation and wanting whats best for you and your loved ones!! and like Lacey said, divorce is a **** dirty thing, so if you want to protect yourself Cindy, I commend you!! And like you said, it also protects you in the event of Brian's passing (heaven forbid!!)

Again, I think you are doing what is right!! Take care!!

[bnd94]

Everything we have is already in both our names. Our house and land both are. The only thing that isn't is my car. But I am thinking about trading it in for a truck sometime soon and we will put that in both our names.

[WebLady]

As we have said before, this is a personal decision that you should make based on your personal situation. While I don't see a need for a prenup that doesn't mean that it is wrong or dooming your marriage.

Cindy, I can see where you are coming from and hope we have not made you feel bad or uncomfortable. You don't have to explain your self or make excuses for your decision. Do what you feel is best for you and Brian. Who cares what others think, I wouldn't even tell them ... it is just none of anyone else's business.

:goodluck: We love ya no matter what you do :wub: ;)

[CindySue]

Yall have actually been great! Thanks for all the feedback about this.

[WeddingManager]

I agree prenups are for when you have something to protect. ppl that start business or have been given something from family dont want someone else marring them then expecting a part of it if they ever hit the road.

Its all about “What’s mine is mine before the marriage, anything we build into value after that is ours!”.

Am3na and I don’t have one, but we did not have anything but CC debit when we got married. LOL

I don’t see anything wrong with having one, and IMO if the other party really got bent out of shape about having one, I would be worried why they wanted to marry me.