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70707Bride
01-24-2008, 11:39 AM
Found this on Yahoo! and thought I'd share!

Spouses Who Fight Live Longer

LiveScience Staff

LiveScience.com (http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/livescience/sc_livescience/byline/spouseswhofightlivelonger/26031315/SIG=10sog4vj6/*http://www.livescience.com) Wed Jan 23, 11:45 AM ET



A good argument with your spouse could be just what the doctor ordered.

Preliminary results from a survey of married couples suggest that disputing husbands and wives who hold in their anger die earlier than expressive couples.


"When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict," said researcher Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus with the University of Michigan School of Public Health and Psychology Department. "Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict."


So while conflict is inevitable, the critical matter is how couples (http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/livescience/sc_livescience/storytext/spouseswhofightlivelonger/26031315/SIG=120lm446c/*http://www.livescience.com/health/070727_household_chores.html)resolve it.

"The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?" Harburg said. "When you don't, if you bury your anger, and you brood on it and you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don't try to resolve the problem, then you're in trouble."


The findings add to past research showing that the release of anger can be healthy. For instance, one study revealed when people are angry they tend to make better decisions (http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/livescience/sc_livescience/storytext/spouseswhofightlivelonger/26031315/SIG=11uc0k7q6/*http://www.livescience.com/health/070611_anger_rational.html), perhaps because this emotion triggers the brain to ignore irrelevant cues and focus on the meat of the matter. Individuals who express anger might also have a sense of control and optimism over a situation, according to another past study (http://us.rd.yahoo.com/dailynews/livescience/sc_livescience/storytext/spouseswhofightlivelonger/26031315/SIG=11lg08rnq/*http://www.livescience.com/health/051103_anger.html).


Bottled anger adds to stress, which tends to shorten lives, many studies show.


In the current study, the authors suggest a combination of factors to explain the higher mortality for couples who don't express their anger. These include "mutual anger suppression, poor communication (of feelings and issues) and poor problem-solving with medical consequences," they write in the January issue of the Journal of Family Communication.


Over a 17-year period, Harburg and his colleagues studied 192 married couples in which spouses ranged in age from 35 to 69, focusing on aggressive behavior considered unfair or undeserved by the person being "attacked." Harburg said that if an attack is viewed as fair, the victim doesn't tend to get angry.


Based on the participants' anger-coping responses to hypothetical situations, Harburg placed couples into one of four categories: both partners express their anger; the wife expresses anger; the husband communicates anger while the other suppresses; and both the husband and wife brood and suppress their anger.


The researchers found that 26 couples, meaning 52 individuals, were suppressors in which both partners held in their anger. Twenty-five percent of the suppressors died during the study period compared with about 12 percent for the other remaining couples.


In 27 percent of the suppressor couples, one member of the couple died during the study period, and in 23 percent of those couples, both died during the study period. That's compared to only 6 percent of couples where both spouses died in the remaining three groups combined. Only 19 percent in the remaining three groups combined saw one partner die during the study period.


The results held even when other health factors were accounted for, including age, smoking, weight, blood pressure, bronchial problems, breathing and cardiovascular risk.


Harburg said the results are preliminary, and his team is now collecting 30-year follow-up data. He expects the follow-up to show almost double the death rate compared with the preliminary findings.

SerendipityCrafts
01-24-2008, 12:44 PM
Oh oh .... we are doomed to die early I guess :rofl: and if that is the case, I for one would rather live for a shorter amount of time but in harmony than to live longer but on an emotional roller coaster.

hummingbird521
01-24-2008, 12:50 PM
Not sure about this one. I think that would lead to more anger and issues in the long run. Talking it out and coming to some sort of agreement I think would be better.

Gee we'll die earlier than later then. haha

crazycatlady
01-24-2008, 02:51 PM
i hate holding in my anger. we yell at each other all the time but it lasts about 5 minutes. 2 years ago our fights would last a week because neither of us would talk. now we just tell each other "dude... youre being a jerk!" and we yell and then its over. being in harmony but holding your feelings back.... thats totaly unhappiness for me. weve figured out how to fight and that it doesnt mean its over for us. were actually more secure in fighting so whats the point in holding it in?

lize566
01-24-2008, 03:50 PM
i hate holding in my anger. we yell at each other all the time but it lasts about 5 minutes. 2 years ago our fights would last a week because neither of us would talk. now we just tell each other "dude... youre being a jerk!" and we yell and then its over. being in harmony but holding your feelings back.... thats totaly unhappiness for me. weve figured out how to fight and that it doesnt mean its over for us. were actually more secure in fighting so whats the point in holding it in?

We are the same way! We may be mad at each other for a little while and while we may try not to get mad or yell, eventually ends up that way and then it's over. My cousin actually told me one time she hopes she never had a relationship like mine (then her bf broke up with her and I got married, which I think is ironic) but we are happier, and we communitcate better then if we just held in our feelings. Some people are just that way, I supposed. My mom and dad hardly ever yell. I guess it just depends on the person!

SerendipityCrafts
01-24-2008, 04:48 PM
Not sure about this one. I think that would lead to more anger and issues in the long run. Talking it out and coming to some sort of agreement I think would be better.

Gee we'll die earlier than later then. haha

They were talking about this article on our radio talk shows today. The host remembers there being a similar study with completely different findings ...... ie fighting leads to stress which in turn, leads to a shorter life expectancy. Who are you gonna believe?

70707Bride
01-24-2008, 05:35 PM
We argue a lot, but there is nothing wrong with differences!

crazycatlady
01-24-2008, 06:00 PM
granted im going into vet. medicine... still going into a medical profession, im agreeing with the first article. there have been numerous articles, not just with couples, that show that holding in anger is bad for your health. holding in emotions period is bad for your health. fighting leads to less stress than does holding in your anger. the only time fighting in a relationship turns bad is when its abusive and the fighting is physical and constant. otherwise, healthy human beings are supposed to fight.

thats why i cant stand the typical country club people who think that you have to be totally proper all the time. were human... we have emotions.... let them out. not to offend anyone in a country club or anything... just an example.

WebLady
01-24-2008, 06:25 PM
Oh oh .... we are doomed to die early I guess :rofl: and if that is the case, I for one would rather live for a shorter amount of time but in harmony than to live longer but on an emotional roller coaster.hehe - I know right ;)

I understand how stress is bad, but why not marry someone you get along with and don't have to be stressed over :worm:

TangoWedding
01-24-2008, 07:32 PM
We saw this on the news last night. Here was the conversation after that segment:

Me : See....we need to have a fight, baby.

Him : Um. NO?

Me : How about I yell at you now?

Him : Then I'll slap you in the face.

Me : Cool. Then I'll punch you in the throat.

Him : Ok!


:D I think we're just fine.

PGDesigns
01-25-2008, 08:28 AM
We saw this on the news last night. Here was the conversation after that segment:

Me : See....we need to have a fight, baby.

Him : Um. NO?

Me : How about I yell at you now?

Him : Then I'll slap you in the face.

Me : Cool. Then I'll punch you in the throat.

Him : Ok!


:D I think we're just fine.

Haha! That sounds like us! We rarely argue, and if we do, it's usually not over anything serious and is resolved quickly.

RevMatty
01-25-2008, 11:13 AM
News Flash
Lfe expectency of a fying pan has now been reduced to five cracks against the head.

Nekochanpurr
01-25-2008, 04:16 PM
News Flash
Lfe expectency of a fying pan has now been reduced to five cracks against the head.

My grandma once chased my uncle around with a frying pan because he wasn't treating my aunt right. :grinhappy:

SerendipityCrafts
01-25-2008, 09:13 PM
My grandma once chased my uncle around with a frying pan because he wasn't treating my aunt right. :grinhappy:

Ha! My mom did the same thing to my brother but Mom was brandishing a hockey stick (LOL how Canadian is that?!!!!). I doubt my brother has ever told his wife to "Get me a soda, woman!" again - even in jest :)

TangoWedding
01-25-2008, 09:17 PM
My mom did the same thing to my brother but Mom was brandishing a hockey stick (LOL how Canadian is that?!!!!).


Was she also shouting "eh!" ? ;)

SerendipityCrafts
01-25-2008, 09:19 PM
Was she also shouting "eh!" ? ;)

LOL yep, right after she shouted "I have heard just abooooot enough oooot of you, Thomas Bruce C.....!" (you know you are in trouble when Mom uses all three names)

Nekochanpurr
01-25-2008, 09:33 PM
LOL yep, right after she shouted "I have heard just abooooot enough oooot of you, Thomas Bruce C.....!" (you know you are in trouble when Mom uses all three names)

OMG, you made my DAY! XD Thats so funny..