Honeymoon woes

[crazycatlady]

I have always wanted to go to places with interesting cultures like ireland, scotland, russia, germany etc... especially germanic countries because i speak german. my fiancee is only interested in going to places like the bahamas on our honeymoon. i have been to the bahamas and he has been to mexico so we both have done that before. I have been on a cruise and his dad has taken him all over the world. He said that part of the reason he doesn't want to go to a place like where I mentioned is because he wants the trip to be about being together and he thinks if we went to a place like that I would be too interested in the places, not him. But it's not like we have lots of money or anything and I wanted to take this opportunity for a guaranteed trip to go somewhere I have always dreamed of. Does that sound selfish? I just feel like, we probably wont be able to do this for a while after we get married... so why would we do something we have already done and go somewhere we have already gone? But I don't know how to talk to him about it. I figure if were already spending a few thousand dollars we might as well go somewhere neat. not saying that the bahamas and the carribean arent neat... but weve both been there before. ugh...

[WebLady]

Have you talked about what each of you want out of a honeymoon? Time alone together, activities, shopping, sight seeing, etc?

Maybe you guys can both list a few different places you'd like to go (and can afford) along with the reasons and what you'd do there. Then discuss them and narrow down the list to maybe 2 or 3; then pick one from a hat and agree to stick with that.

:goodluck:

[SenoritaFuego06]

I totally agree with Brandi's idea. Heck my FH and I are going to Universal Studios on our honeymoon. I've been there (sr trip) before but he hasn't. We like crazy wild stuff and we don't have a lot of money (college kids) so FL was a GREAT pick for us. Although he was a lil worried I wanted to relive my sr trip and I was like 'no I want to go do all the stuff I didn't get to do and go show you all the really cool stuff I found.'

[crazycatlady]

yeah i know thats what it will be like. and i know it will be totally different bc ill be with him. i guess im just a worry wart and always think "well... shouldnt we do something original for both? are we gonna get bored?" im sure the bahamas will be fine. well actually its carribean cruise. stops in cozumel, nassau and somewhere else. lol. its carnival which is what i was on and they have sooooo much stuff to do. and luckily by then ill be 21 so i can do everything lol

[StJohnBride]

How long are you taking for your honeymoon?

We did a day shy of 2 weeks (wedding included for us). Initially, we wanted to marry and honeymoon in Italy. Then we wanted to go to St John or Tortola for a week for the more traditional "honeymoon" and unwind.

Long story, we ended up in St John the whole time.

[HisMuse]

That's pretty much why I want to go to Ireland, we're just not sure we can afford it. I think WebLady had a great idea.

[crazycatlady]

we dont have enough money to do any kind of destination wedding. and if we sent out invitations for it there would be maybe 5 family members that could even afford to fly to somewhere for it. were probably doing like a week honeymoon. we really cant afford to take off work for longer than a week. a cruise alone will still be like 3000 after everything for 6 days not to mention losing 80 hours of work between the both of us. were probably going to have to take out a loan for everything so the lesser the loan, the better. thats another reason why we cant go somewhere like that... waaaaaay more expensive than a cruise. plus carnival has a lot of stuff to do while on the cruise like gambling and dancing etc...

[Nekochanpurr]

I understand your pain.. I always dreamt my honeymoon as going to Japan and staying at a Hot Spring.. :( However, money won't allow that to work out (can hardly afford the wedding, thanks, lol). However, if you can afford it (or at least save enough for it, if you have enough time..) then i don't see why he wouldn't budge a bit. :( If hes been all over the world, its only far you get to see some too, right?

[crazycatlady]

yeah... his parents are sittin pretty. my family has always been low class... lower middle class on a good day. any time we did anything we had to also cut back on other things to be able to afford it. his parents just give us money and let us put things on their amex and just pay it off. my family cant even afford to drive the 6 hours down here to see us. so he doesnt know what its like i guess. his dad would pay for him and his friend to fly to alaska (from ohio) and stay for 2 weeks at a time. not to mention theyve lived in mobile, al, connecticut, maryland, california (laguna niguel to make it even worse), tallahassee.... its like theyve been everywhere. so i guess he just doesnt understand that i try and take advantage of stuff like that when the opportunity presents itself.

its come up other times like how his dad talks about places hes been like japan etc... and i just kind of sit there... then his family will ask me and my response is always "nope, never been there" and its almost like theyre rubbing it in my face. so to them... places like cozumel where its just shopping and site seeing are awesome. but to me, if im gonna go somewhere... im gonna squeeze every ounce of fun i possibly can out of it! lol. i guess its just hard for him to see it that way and i cant hold that against him.

and i guess i feel bad bringing it up because i feel like his family (specifically his dad) would make a comment about how its not a typical honeymoon destination and how we should go somewhere to relax. i dont know, they just dont get my p.o.v. i guess. i mean, im fine with going on a cruise. i just kinda figured, if were already shelling out money, we might as well go somewhere weve always wanted to go.

[Nekochanpurr]

Exactly!! I know EXACTLY how you feel! Steve's mom goes on vacation like 4 times a year.. The last time i went was 6 years ago! the only reason i got to go to Japan was because it was with my school so it was a MAJOR discount, and i saved sooo long, lol. Its like his family decided that they are having a 'family' trip before Steve gets married.. Guess whos not invited! Obviously i'm not family. :(

Sorry to steal your rant.. >.<

[crazycatlady]

its ok lol.

guess what my grandma said at a family reuinion... my sister was engaged to her now husband and we were doing the family picture with all the generations and he walks over to be in it and my grandma says "jim... get out, youre not in the family yet". lol!! old senile women are funny. she just says whatever she wants and nobody tells her any different.

thats pretty crappy that you would be excluded. :( i think if my fiancees parents did something like that i would be a little upset if he went. because if my parents did that i would say "if you arent including him, then dont include me" so i think that would make me a little mad y'know?

[Nekochanpurr]

LOL at your grandma, i'm sure he knew she wasn't all with it, right? :)

Yeah.. I told my grandma and them today while at a cousins fiancee's bridal shower, they FREAKED.. like 'WHY didn't she invite you? Aren't you SUPPOSE to be family?!' and thats what got me thinking about it.. Steve didn't think much of it either at first.. I still want him to go (unless its some place like Hawaii, then i'd be PISSED)... He did say he would say something if she does this cr@p after we get married, though..

[crazycatlady]

yeah.. that would make me extremely mad. i told my fiancee what you said and he got this look on his face and said "thats some bullcrap!" lol. does she have a problem with you? Im just lucky that his mom LOVES me. lol.

yeah... my grandma doesnt care anymore. she has this mindset of "Im 85 so Im gonna say whatever the hell I want!" lol. its funny sometimes though.

[StJohnBride]

Stacy -- I have to ask why he's not saying anything now? you're engaged -- planning your wedding. What's up?

Why do families have to cause so many problems? I mean, part of me can see how they'd want it to be "family only" (if my sister was getting married, part of me would want one last trip as a family to relish the old times). But you get one, you get both.

Re: OP, that's totally crummy of them. I'd decline their offer to pay for anything. Personally. I hate feeling like a fool - and I would feel like one with them dangling money for certain trips, but not others. That being said, it is his family paying and he does want a relaxing/warm honeymoon. Marriage is about compromise. Tough spot. Can you do someplace warm and relaxing that does have a rich history? Greece in summer? I heard their beaches are superb.

[crazycatlady]

his family isnt paying for anything thus far. if they tried to tell us where to go for our honeymoon i would refuse for them to pay. were taking out a loan and using credit cards. its my fiancee that wont budge on where to go.

i guess... hes not putting up a fight for anything else that i want so i should let him have his one thing. he's right. it shouldnt matter where we are as long as its celebrating us being together. so really we should be able to take a honeymoon to disney world and it would be fine (maybe even better lol)

[firespirit]

If the two of you can afford it and he wants to go someplace with beaches and you want some culture have you two discussed Italy or Greece? I've never been, but I've heard they have some very romantic beaches over that way...

[crazycatlady]

my mom and my step-dad went to italy and greece for 2 weeks last year and said that overall it was neat but they wouldnt do it again. they said its not a place that allows you to just sit back and relax. lots of commotion etc... pretty.... but not like the bahamas where you can just chill out all day.

[Nekochanpurr]

crazycatlady: I think i'm just not good enough for her.. My side of the family doesn't make a lot of money, so i think she thinks i'll be holding him back..
stjohnbride: He honestly didn't think of it at the time. Hes used to his mom... But i'd rather just let him go (after i talked to him about it, he asked me if i wanted him not to go) instead of starting some family fight..
Don't wanna off the thread anymore.. O.o; details in my journal..

How about Florida?? You could go do a bunch of fun stuff AND relax on the beaches.. XD

[crazycatlady]

we have totally switched gears lol

i dont want to go on a cruise for several reasons. he doesnt want to go to ireland for several reasons. so were going to las vegas. lol. we couldnt agree on a place so i said "then lets go to vegas since ill be 21 by then." and he agreed. he has been there before when he was little so couldnt do any of the gambling or anything (he was like 10). i looked on travelocity and it said about 2,000 total for flight and hotel for 7 days in late may. im guessing since we would stay on the strip that we wouldnt need to rent a car.

so were going to look into that now. :) im glad we found a middleground.