Who is paying for your BM dresses?

[cassiopeia]

So, I just assumed that the bridesmaids would pay for them, really only because the two weddings I was in I did. My FH just told me that his parents paid for all of his sisters' bridesmaids' dresses for each of their weddings. The dresses were like $250 each. :whoa:

:whoa:.

And can I just repeat, :whoa:?


He has 4 sisters! I barely even know them! My parents and I are supposed to pay $1,000 (roughly 5% of our entire budget at this point!) for dresses for them? Duh. No.

So I am looking at cheap(er than I had first picked) dresses. But still, I don't want to pay for them!

Am I wrong? How do I handle this? Should I ask him if they are expecting us to pay for them? He'll have no idea, but I'm not really in contact with them or his parents (long story, they all live timezones away). His parents are paying for some things (photography, cake, his suit, rehearsal dinner), so I kinda feel uncomfortable asking them to get the dresses too, but it's just at least $500 that we don't have to spend.

:censored:.

[Measha]

My girls will be buying their dresses. I'm not sure how many of them are sure of how it works, but they'll be informed *chuckle*. There is just no way we could afford it, or that I'd ask either of our parents to.

[Whitewater]

The last time I got married, my dressmaker and I were friends so she made the maid's dresses as part of her gift to me (the other part was giving me the materials for my dress), so I don't have any experience.

I do know that this time around my two friends are getting matching two piece suits (jackets and skirts) and they can either pay my (new) dressmaker to put them together, or they can buy the materials and so on and sew them themselves. The suits are Victorian/Edwardian, with slightly puffy sleeves, buttons down the front, and a gored skirt. The skirt is going to be dead easy, but because the jackets are fitted, that might be a bit harder.

On the other hand, they don't have to be historically accurate, like most of the sewing we do, so we can take shortcuts like darts! That will help.

The short answer? My two friends are paying for their outfits themselves. 'Cause I just don't have the money.


Whitewater

[Goin2thechapel]

My Bridesmaids all bought thier own dress for my wedding and the dresses were $230.00 each!
I think by assuming the role of a bridesmaid, you are expecting to pay for a dress. I wouldn't feel bad asking them to pay for them at all!

[Danielle9608]

I have never been part of a wedding where they paid for my dress. My bridesmaids are also paying for their own, but I did try to find reasonable priced dresses, because its not my money I'm spending.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I paid for my girl's dresses but that was only because my "girls" were indeed my "girls" LOL; my daughter and DH's daughter. They were both in school and could little afford to buy their own. We also paid for DH's son's suit (we had bought my son a suit about a year before hand so he wore that).

In a fantasy world, it would be nice if you could foot the bill but today, it's generally "expected" that bridesmaid's pay for their own.

[Brian's Bride]

My bridesmaids are also paying for their dresses. I found relatively inexpensive dresses (under $100) on the internet and I'm also having them purchase dyed shoes from David's Bridal. Dresses are chocolate brown so I'm having a hard time finding matching shoes without going the dyed-route. I figure with the money saved on the dresses I can have them get matching shoes... Total cost each BM is paying is about $150.

[EarlyBird]

Do you speak with his sisters? Maybe you could send a mass email to all your bridesmaids saying something like

"I have chosen a few dresses for the bridesmaids dresses and I want everyone's opinion. I want you to feel comfortable enough and hope that the majority of you will wear them again and you wont just be buying a dress for my wedding, but that you will get some use out of it and get your money's worth. You all mean so much to me and (fh) and i am so thrilled that you will be standing for us" Something to that effect could get it across without actually being a bitc* and being like "sorry but MY parents are not going to be paying for your dresses"

Personally, i know one of my bridesmaids cant afford it so i will be helping her "on the side" she knows that she is to keep it hush hush - the rest of them can afford it and they should pay. thats how this thing works. i have never been in a wedding where it didnt work that way

[Nekochanpurr]

My BMs are paying for their own dresses.. I've never been to a wedding where someone else paid for them...I agree with Vana!! Approach it in a way where you are telling them you aren't footing the bill, but in a way where they know that your not makin' them buy the most expensive thing on the rack.
BTW: mine paid about $130 and i felt SO bad for it.. They had to talk ME into it, LOL.

[TangoWedding]

I was a BM in one wedding and they paid for the dresses. I was going to pay for my BM dresses if I were going to have them because I hated the idea of having them pay for their own.


Either way you go, though, you can find cheaper (but still awesome) BM dresses. Check out the places like J.Crew or Nordstrom. They have great stuff (my wedding dress came from Nordstrom!) and it's way, way cheaper.

[sparrowfell]

I think that it's easiest to ask them to pay for their own when you let them choose their own styles. Anyone can find a cheap dress on clearance or whatever in the right color if they need to. When I was in my brother's wedding, I found a claret dress for $50 that was just perfect. It was no chore to pay at all.

[Qtlilone22]

My bms are all paying for their dresses. I know I have always had to pay for bms dresses in the two weddings I have walked and I'm walking in two more now and I already paid for the dresses. :)

[mj512]

My BM bought their own. I think they paid about $150 for them. They wore whatever shoes they already had that were silver though. So $150 was the total cost.

[heatherh321]

All my girls are paying for their own, and I think thats pretty much the norm. I WAS in a wedding where the parents paid for our dresses but it was not expected.

[IDoTwo]

My bridesmaids all paid for their dresses. I did some research about cost and most things I read said to try to keep it under $200.

[LoveHim08]

We got our bridesmaid's dresses on sale from Target.com. They are from the "wedding dresses" section of the website, and are perfect for my girls. They're black lace, and they have several other colors (cherry red, gray, brown and ivory). We got them for 30 bucks a piece and I only have a MOH and a bridesmaid, so I paid for them-happily. Good luck... that sounds like a sticky situation, but generally bridesmaids pay for their own dresses unless the bride decides to do something else.

[LILBOBO1980]

I have 6 bridesmaids and I am paying for one of their dresses and helping another. One of the bridesmaids just left her husband and moved back to Jacksonville so she does not currently have a job... the other one is just full of drama and thinks that everything is a crisis... so I am helping her...lol I love her though : )

The dress is only 89.00 though....

[uptowngirl]

Since I am asking my maid of honor (I am only having the one attendant) to take vacation from work and fly all the way to Vermont for my wedding I decided to pay for her dress so she wouldn't have too much of a financial burden...we have decided to have a dress made, so I gave her a "budget" of $150 for materials and hiring a seamstress if she wants.

[Parhelion]

I'm edging toward that same idea for my MatronOH. She's a busy mom with a very limited budget and will already have to drive 12 hours to get to my wedding.

Another 'dark horse' possibility at this point is buying a pattern and some nice fabric and having her (or someone she knows) make the dress. I've seen that work before.

[CelticAngel]

I'm still debating on this issue myself since my BM's will be coming from out-of-state. In a wedding planning book I checked out at the library it says the MOH and BMs are responsible for: their dresses and accessories, a gift for the couple, a shower gift, contribute to the bridal shower, their transportation to and from the wedding. Please excuse my neurotic geekiness that likes to read up on everything. :upsidown: That being said it really would depend on what you'd like and how much you can handle finacial wise.

[Deanna2112001]

I searched High and Low for the best price Dress. And I found them near my house in Cincinnati. 1.5 Hours away from the bridesmaids!

They called in there measurements. And I got them the Dresses for $52.00 Plus $10.00 Shipping. Cut from the roll of fabric! Everywhere else I called quoted me $150.00. And it was a Alfred Angelo too.

How did I do it? The lady that is doing my wedding dress alterations was trying to get into selling dresses too. And to get more clients in her store she did a 50% off HER Price. $104.00

Only catch was... They had to order last June. lol June of 2007. And my wedding is not until April 2009!

3 girls bought there dress. The last girl didn't care to get it. And didn't mind paying $150.00 for it if needed.. She was on a diet and didn't want to buy the dress so soon.

I did my part. yano. I found it. **** near cheap. And they look beautiful!

Here is the dress from the catalog.

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p261/Deanna2112002/6137-600.jpg

And this is the dress when it came in. I was so excited I tried it on. lol

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p261/Deanna2112002/Oct132007001.jpg

[BamaBride]

my bridesmaids paid for theirs. i felt bad about it but i have 6 bridesmaids and 2 jr bm's & that would have been alot. but everyone i talked to told me they pay for it

[RosieAngel]

I've been a BM 6 times. I always paid for my dresses without complaint, even when they were ugly and/or super-expensive!

So their experience wasn't normal.

[sunflowersummer]

My BMs are all paying for their own dresses, but they all expected to, just as I expect to at their weddings (I'm a BM for at least 2/4). Our only guideline was to keep the dresses as cheap as possible, since some are still in school (I think we agreed on $200 for a max). I'm keeping them highly involved in the dress picking so they can find something they think they can wear later (like a sundress, or little black dress).

[redrosesredroses1977]

When asking each girl to be a BM/MOH, I asked if they would be able to handle the expense of paying for their own dress. Each girl that took on the role stated that they would be able to do that, no problem. I am not in your position, but if I were, I would call each BM and make sure that they understand, tackfully, that the expense of their dress is their responsibility. For those that can't handle the expense, see if there is some way that they can handle part of it maybe and you take care of part of it, if the budget allows. Good Luck!

[notsoanonymous]

I also plan to be upfront when ASKING if they want to participate in the wedding if cost of dress/shoes/hair or whatever they want done is going to be an issue so they #1) know I am not paying and #2) can make an educated choice about it.

[mobdilemma]

I paid for my girl's dresses but that was only because my "girls" were indeed my "girls" LOL; my daughter and DH's daughter.
Haha... I was going to say the same thing! I am paying for the dress for my daughter's maid of honor (her only attendant) because she's a poor college student AND she's my other daughter! If there were other bridesmaids, I certainly wouldn't expect to foot the bill for their dresses.

[bichonlvr]

I have been in 6 weddings and 5 of them as MOH or BM and I paid for them all, I think that one girl paid 100 of ours!

All of our girl's paid for their own!

I bought the FG dresses

[Scrwballsgrl]

I have heard where the Bride & parents paid for the BM dresses but it was at their discretion. I was under the impression the norm was for the individual to pay for his/her own attire whether it be for BM or GM.

My BM will be paying for their own dresses so I am trying to take that into consideration when choosing a style. I've also thought about letting them choose their own still in the same colors there by allowing them to decide their price range.

In all actually it will be like we are paying for two of them though b/c two of my BM are my sisters & one is my cousin....(the cousin will pay for her own but the sisters will probably come out of the wedding budget thats being provided mostly by my parents)

[WebLady]

I am surprised I missed this before ... anyway, as others have mentioned it is commonly expected for the attendants to pay for their own attire. As far as "etiquette" goes (since the topic/question was posted in this forum); that is the normal way things are done.

Being a BM or GM is quite often a costly venture. Someone being asked to take on such a role in a wedding should be aware of that before accepting.
Although it is nice of the brides/families that can afford it to offer to help or pay for things for their attendants.

Brides should try to be mindful of their chosen attendants finances and not pick out expensive attire and not ask too much of these people too ... JMPO ;)

[harleybride]

My BM and MOH paid for their own dresses. They could wear any shoes the already had. I asked them (well parents of the two unger BM) if the expense would be a problem. The dresses were less than $100. However a few needed alterations that ended up costing almost as much as the dress:bbeek:.
I have never been in a wedding where I didnt buy my own dress. I did turn down being a BM in one wedding because the dress she picked out was $800, and we had to get altrations done at the store, another $100, the jewlery was $100, and shoes were some designer silver shoes for $200. I was a broke college student, even now I wouldnt pay that.

[lisa826]

i have said for years that i would pay for my bridesmaid's dresses just because i hate it when brides have the attitude that "its my day and you'll wear the dress i choose no matter the cost". however i was gonna try to find the bargains. Now that i'm actually getting married and i realize how much everything else is going to cost i just can't afford to pay for their dresses, but i'm still trying to find the cheapest route possible and i plan on giving them plenty of time to save the money so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. You could also just pay half of the dresses, i had thought of doing that too.

[garnet]

I may have posted in here I would expect them to pay for theirs. And then today I found bmaids dresses for $27 so I bought them. They say they are going to pay me back but I'm not worried about it.

[Tadswife]

I have been in two weddings. Both dresses I paid for myself. The bm for my wedding also paid for thier own dresses, my junior brides dress was made and I bought the material for that. I think it cost like 30 bucks. And my moh youngest daughter was my flower girl. She found her dress for like 20 bucks and it was beautiful. My bm dresses were 110 dollars and I let them pick out the style they wanted in the price range they could afford. So none of my bm could give me "this cost to much" because they all agreed on the one they wanted and the cost of it.

[tawni8806]

Maybe you could send a mass email to all your bridesmaids saying something like

"I have chosen a few dresses for the bridesmaids dresses and I want everyone's opinion. I want you to feel comfortable enough and hope that the majority of you will wear them again and you wont just be buying a dress for my wedding, but that you will get some use out of it and get your money's worth. You all mean so much to me and (fh) and i am so thrilled that you will be standing for us" Something to that effect could get it across without actually being a bitc* and being like "sorry but MY parents are not going to be paying for your dresses"


I thought she had a great idea!! I'd definetly suggest using this.

[joraye]

I've been in two weddings, and my dresses were paid for. Maybe just since I'm used to it, I assumed that how it was going to be, and I'm doing it myself as well.

Also, I was the photographer for the first wedding, and the DJ for the second, so I actually saved them money in other areas....

My BMs have all offered to pay for or offer in what they can for their dresses, but I figure once we decide on a style and see the price, we'll go from there. FH has had to rent tuxes for various weddings he's walked in, so he's deadset on paying for his groomsmen's tuxes (or whatever we end up in at this point...)

If my BMs did give me any money for the dresses, I'd put it right back into helping pay for the dinners, drinks, and show we are taking our Vegas party to, as a treat for coming out to Vegas with us.

[Hope75]

I've been in about 7 weddings in the last 10 years and I have paid for my own BM dress each time.

My BM's all bought their own dresses for our wedding, and they were about 155$ each.

I think normal etiquette is if you accept the invitation to be a BM in someone's wedding you accept knowing the cost will include the purchase of a dress for the wedding.