For those of you not having children ...

[WebLady]

Some of you know that I have chosen not to have children ... I tend to get alot of 'slack' about it from friends, family and strangers alike. So I was thinking of writing an e-book (well, I guess it would be more like a collection of stories) about women without children. I will be including my own experiences and feelings on the subject.

So is there anything you could share about your life without children? The reasons, the rewards, the challenges, any regrets, advice for other women without kids, etc. I will not use any names if you don't want to, but please include your age and location.

If you know any other women without children that would like to participate, please pass this along to them as well.

You can PM me and I will give you my email address.

Just so you know, as I have said before, I don't have problems with children really, and I don't have anything against people that choose to have them ... I actually have great respect for them! If you want kids, have has many as you want! This is just not something I need or want from my life and I ask for the same respect for my choices that I give to others.

I luv all of you guys so please don't take this the wrong way :D

[usahgrad]

I think it's a GREAT idea to write an e-book about it! I know that there's a million and a half "I'm Having A Baby" books so why not the other way around? It's nice that you have the want to make other understand your choices as you understand theirs.

I would contribute, but the only reason I don't have kids is because I'm too young and too broke...at some point, I'd love to have a HUGE family...our kids, foster kids, the works! (I grew up with just my mama, sister, and I--I think it rubbed off on me.) I don't know many woman who don't have kids...or else I'd go that way.

Good luck to you! It sounds like a GREAT endeavor.

[WebLady]

Thanks Kelli,

Yeah, I hadn't seen many books on the subject before but I looked it up today and found a few, like ... "Pride and Joy: The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children" - by Terri Casey "Women Without Children: The Reasons, the Rewards, the Regrets" - by Susan S. Lang

I am still going to do the e-book, even if it only ends up being my 'story' Like you said, I sort of want to make others understand my choices as I do theirs.

I wish you all the best and your FH and I hope you get the family you want :)

[rainbowtreat]

I would also like to wish you luck. I couldnt see myself NOT having kids. But I know a few people who have chosen not to have them and I have no problem with it at all. It is alot of work and headache at times. Some times I wonder why I did it but then when I see those littles faces and hear them tell me they love me. Or I just hear them laughing and see them enjoying themselves. It is all worth it. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have children. Every one has the choice. It is the people who have them and toss them away that I have a problem with. Again good luck.

[CindySue]

I know a couple of women that dont have kids and Ill will tell them about your book. One of them may not want to participate because she does want kids, she just cant have them and because her husband was in prison 10 years ago (for like 3 months) they arent qualified to adopt.
I honor and respect your decision. And youre right - its YOUR decision! I chose to have kids and sometimes when we have a really bad day I think "What in the :censored: was I thinking?" but I do love them and wouldnt trade them for the world. Sometimes I do envy women that dont have the responsibilties that go along with being a mom.

[WebLady]

Thanks again ladies! I knew I could count on you guys for support and understanding :hug: Man, I wish I knew more people like you guys in real life ... I don't know any other women that don't want kids and the ones that do have them can't seem to understand or accept my choice.

This is something I am going to put in my story ... how I sometimes feel alienated from my so-called friends and I have lost friends because of too.

I just don't understand why it is so hard to just respect my choice and take me for who I am. I can do that with others. I am not telling them they should not have kids, so why can't they just leave me alone. Just yesterday I was out with a friend of mine and she had 3 kids (8, 12 and 15) and they all love me and I don't mind being around them because they are well behaved. She said "You are so good with the girls, you would make a great mother" My mom and my sister have made the same comments before "You are so good with Delaney (my niece)" Just because I am good with them doesn't mean I want to have my own! Should I be a :censored: around the kids then will people get it?!

Oh, sorry ...

[rainbowtreat]

The girl at work wh ois in her 40's and never had kis is great with kids. She is married and has been for a long time they just choice not too. Even though she is the only girl out of 5 kids her family hasnt given her any greif over it. She loves seeing my kids. Her mom makes my kids mittens each year. And she had never met them and has plenty of grandkids. But that is just how these people are.

[usahgrad]

I can see how that would be frustrating...

Try and look at it as a compliment. I'd love to be told I'm going to be a good mom...

To me, it takes someone cool headed, smart, and sensible to be a good mom. So look at it like they're telling you that you're cool headed, smart and more sensible then most other women out there because you're not going to put yourself through 18 years and nine months of kidlet torture...:bbmrgreen:

[WebLady]

The girl at work wh ois in her 40's and never had kis is great with kids. She is married and has been for a long time they just choice not too. Even though she is the only girl out of 5 kids her family hasnt given her any greif over it. She loves seeing my kids. Her mom makes my kids mittens each year. And she had never met them and has plenty of grandkids. But that is just how these people are.

That sounds nice ... I wish I knew more people like that. When my husband told his mother he was having a vasectomy, I am sure she wasn't happy (especially since he is the oldest of 2 boys and a 3rd of his namesake) but she didn't give him grief about it. She just said that she loved being a mom but she wanted him to do what he felt was best for him and made him happy. Now why can't I get that from my mom?!

I can see how that would be frustrating...

Try and look at it as a compliment. I'd love to be told I'm going to be a good mom...

To me, it takes someone cool headed, smart, and sensible to be a good mom. So look at it like they're telling you that you're cool headed, smart and more sensible then most other women out there because you're not going to put yourself through 18 years and nine months of kidlet torture...:bbmrgreen:

I think it is all a mindset thing ... when I go visit my friends that have kids and my sister with my niece, I put it in my mind that I am going to have to deal with the kid thing. It is ok every now and then and in small quantities but I know I can go back home to my life and leave the kids with someone else.

Maybe I should look at it more like a complement but I wish they would just not bring it up at all ... I sure don't. It kind of reminds me of a situation where you want someone to do something (maybe your man) then when they do it you say something like "See that wasn't so hard was it" It just bugs me.

Thanks for letting me vent and understanding me :hug:

[WhiskeyGirl]

I have the opposite problem! My DH and I are having problems concieving and all we ever hear is "when will you have children?" OR "are you pregnant YET???" So I can understand where you are coming from with the grief you recieve from people because you are not having children! (though I am on the opposite side of the scale!) I definately admire you for your decision and not letting the people around sway your decisions!!
I also get so frustrated hearing from the people around me, its so frustrating and extrememly hurtful! I comend you for writing this e-book and I hope that it brings you the results you are hoping for Brandi!!

Take care!

[WebLady]

I have the opposite problem! My DH and I are having problems concieving and all we ever hear is "when will you have children?" OR "are you pregnant YET???" So I can understand where you are coming from with the grief you recieve from people because you are not having children! (though I am on the opposite side of the scale!) I definately admire you for your decision and not letting the people around sway your decisions!!
I also get so frustrated hearing from the people around me, its so frustrating and extrememly hurtful! I comend you for writing this e-book and I hope that it brings you the results you are hoping for Brandi!!

Take care!

Thank you so much for your understanding Shawna! (all of you ladies are so wonderful)

I will definitely keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers :hug:

Please don't take this the wrong way ... I can understand how you would want it to be 'your' baby but have you guys looked into other options (like adoption?) should you need them?

I knew this girl once that was having problems getting pregnant ... she and her husband paid LOTS of money for artificial insemination and that didn't work then they spend LOTS more money on the seragent thing and that didn't work. I don't know what they finally did but last time I talked to her they were very much against the idea of adoption.

Anyway, I wish the best for you Shawna :D

[CindySue]

I really dont understand why having kids or not is such a big issue. Some people want them, and got them; Some people dont want them and dont have them; Some people have them and dont want them; Some people dont have them and want them. Its each person or couples individual decision. I do believe though that whatever the decision it should be mutual between both people in a relationship. One shouldnt be forced into a decision because its what the other wants. Ex. a women not having kids because her husband doesnt want any (or vise versa) or a woman "getting" pregnant even though she knows her husband isnt ready or doesnt want kids. Whatever the decision is that particular couples and NO ONE elses.

[WebLady]

I really dont understand why having kids or not is such a big issue. Some people want them, and got them; Some people dont want them and dont have them; Some people have them and dont want them; Some people dont have them and want them. Its each person or couples individual decision. I do believe though that whatever the decision it should be mutual between both people in a relationship. One shouldnt be forced into a decision because its what the other wants. Ex. a women not having kids because her husband doesnt want any (or vise versa) or a woman "getting" pregnant even though she knows her husband isnt ready or doesnt want kids. Whatever the decision is that particular couples and NO ONE elses.
I agree! I think this way too! I just wish more people did ;) My mother thinks that I chose not to have children because of my husband having a vasectomy before we met. But I sort of blame myself for her feeling that way because I never really expressed my feeling to her. But those closest to me have known I felt this way long before I met him. Even when I was married to my ex we had talked about not having kids. The only time I ever considered it was when people kept pushing me about when I was with my ex ... I was younger and more impressionable then too ;)

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thank you so much for your understanding Shawna! (all of you ladies are so wonderful)

I will definitely keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers :hug:

Please don't take this the wrong way ... I can understand how you would want it to be 'your' baby but have you guys looked into other options (like adoption?) should you need them?

I knew this girl once that was having problems getting pregnant ... she and her husband paid LOTS of money for artificial insemination and that didn't work then they spend LOTS more money on the seragent thing and that didn't work. I don't know what they finally did but last time I talked to her they were very much against the idea of adoption.

Anyway, I wish the best for you Shawna :D

We are defiantly feeling out all of our options and pushing for answers. We will soon visit more doctors and have more tests. Adoption is always an option but unfortunately we are too young at this time. (Stupid rules!! If I can supposedly get pregnant at this age, why can we not adopt until we are 25!!!! GRRRRR! .....anyhow.....) Thank you for your kind words and such!

Take care!!

[WebLady]

We are defiantly feeling out all of our options and pushing for answers. We will soon visit more doctors and have more tests. Adoption is always an option but unfortunately we are too young at this time. (Stupid rules!! If I can supposedly get pregnant at this age, why can we not adopt until we are 25!!!! GRRRRR! .....anyhow.....) Thank you for your kind words and such!

Take care!!

I didn't know you couldn't adopt until you were 25. I guess they have their reasons for the rule. Maybe you will get 'preggers' before then and you won't have to worry about it ;)

[Jenn060306]

We are defiantly feeling out all of our options and pushing for answers. We will soon visit more doctors and have more tests. Adoption is always an option but unfortunately we are too young at this time. (Stupid rules!! If I can supposedly get pregnant at this age, why can we not adopt until we are 25!!!! GRRRRR! .....anyhow.....) Thank you for your kind words and such!

Take care!!

Wow, i had no clue that you had to be over 25 to adopt.
When my mom was 33 her and my dad tried adoption and they told them they were too old to adopt a child.
I agree that there shouldn't be such tight restrictions on age when it comes to adoption. Just because you're young or a little bit older doesen't mean you are not going to make a good parent.
Hope everything works out for you and your husband.

[CindySue]

Wow, i had no clue that you had to be over 25 to adopt.
When my mom was 33 her and my dad tried adoption and they told them they were too old to adopt a child.
I agree that there shouldn't be such tight restrictions on age when it comes to adoption. Just because you're young or a little bit older doesen't mean you are not going to make a good parent.
Hope everything works out for you and your husband.

Now thats just silly. I think that if you have decent jobs and a stable home, not to mention are mentally sound then it shouldnt matter your age as long as you are an adult.
Around here the "planned" children arent being planned until women are in their early 30s. They are more stable in the careers and such. That seems to be the norm. And the younger mothers (23-27) I have spoken with said theirs "just happened" (as did mine!) and they would like to have waited a few more years.
I seriously doubt I will have anymore, but if brian and i do happen to go insane and want another one, it will have to be before I am 35. I would like to be able to still be active when my kids are grown and have moved out.

[CindySue]

We are defiantly feeling out all of our options and pushing for answers. We will soon visit more doctors and have more tests. Adoption is always an option but unfortunately we are too young at this time. (Stupid rules!! If I can supposedly get pregnant at this age, why can we not adopt until we are 25!!!! GRRRRR! .....anyhow.....) Thank you for your kind words and such!

Take care!!

I really hope everything works out for you. I wish I knew some advice for you, but Im sure youve heard it all whether you wanted to or not.
Good Luck!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I really hope everything works out for you. I wish I knew some advice for you, but Im sure youve heard it all whether you wanted to or not.
Good Luck!

Oh we've heard the full gamet...from just relax to medical suggestions. Right now things are a little on hold...trying to move and such, my DH tells me not to think of it right now, its hard....I really want to have a baby soon! People can be insensitive but then there are the ones who blow you away when they know where you are coming from or actually tell you something worth hearing! thank you all for your thoughts!!

[WebLady]

Oh we've heard the full gamet...from just relax to medical suggestions. Right now things are a little on hold...trying to move and such, my DH tells me not to think of it right now, its hard....I really want to have a baby soon! People can be insensitive but then there are the ones who blow you away when they know where you are coming from or actually tell you something worth hearing! thank you all for your thoughts!!

A friend of mine had a hard time getting pregnant several years back and the Dr's even told her that she may never have a baby ... now she has 2 boys.

[rainbowtreat]

my best firend tried for 5 yrs to get pregnant. After her insurance changed they couldnt do as much as they were with the docs to help the process. So they just didnt worry about it for a while. Give things a break and what do ya know, she got pregnant. Her son is now 1 1/2 and they are trying for another. She has other reason why she may not have another but they are working with the docs.