Is anyone not having money problems with wedding funding?

[Joe's girl]

I am just wondering how many people on here have problems with thinking someone is giving them money to help fund there wedding? I read alot of posts on here when brides and grooms are upset because they think they are getting a family member to help them out then they are in shock when it doesn't happen.

[hummingbird521]

We didn't. Of course we were both older, not our first marriages and didn't want or need any help. We decided we would rather do all ourselves and feel better about ourselves for doing so. Also if you pay for it yourselves you don't have the problem of choosing certain venues, decorations and things. You don't have to listen to anyone's input on what you choose. lol. it is completely your choice since you are paying for it.

[delilah]

Not us. We're paying for everything ourselves. Of course, we're having only 15 guests, and we're of a "certain age" where our parents aren't really expected to contribute. Not to mention, we've both been married before, and his parents are both deceased. Guess we're not your typical wedding scenario though.

I am having a tough time sticking to my budget however. When your having a small wedding it's hard to not justify spending "just a little extra" on certain things. Unfortunately, all those little splurges start to add up after awhile.

[heatherh321]

My parents gave us $5000 but I still spend tons of my own money every time I get paid.

[Joe's girl]

Not us. We're paying for everything ourselves. Of course, we're having only 15 guests, and we're of a "certain age" where our parents aren't really expected to contribute. Not to mention, we've both been married before, and his parents are both deceased. Guess we're not your typical wedding scenario though.

I am having a tough time sticking to my budget however. When your having a small wedding it's hard to not justify spending "just a little extra" on certain things. Unfortunately, all those little splurges start to add up after awhile.

I can relate to that, I am a little older as well and first marriage for me and my fiance. I come from a family of 6 and my dad is retired and I have a brother getting married on '08 so I did not want any financial burden on my dad, plus I am also at that age where I should do it myself. MY FMIL tried to give me 10k but I didnt take it, feel better doing it on my own, not to say if parents want to pay you shouldn't take it. lol. I am over budget only because we keep forgetting people ( like his cousin from Idaho that he hasn't seen in 15 years that just has to come lol ) but I am going pretty basic on flowers and favors and stuff like that.

[snu]

We don't have a wedding date set as of now, but we will be paying for our entire wedding (we're starting to put some money away in savings now). We do not expect, nor do we really need the help.

[Joe's girl]

We don't have a wedding date set as of now, but we will be paying for our entire wedding (we're starting to put some money away in savings now). We do not expect, nor do we really need the help.

Thats what we did, I did a rough guest list first then added cost pp to figure out how much to save. I did beat up the venue alot and got it from $90 pp to 60$ pp, did a little bit of an odd date too to get it there 1/4/08 right after New years and before valentines day this way I knew they would have nothing going on really that month.

[SerendipityCrafts]

Another older couple who paid for all themselves. The only thing that anyone paid for were my shoes .... My mother insisted that the wanted to help and I kept saying no and so she told me that she would pay for my shoes. So I presented her with my receipt - I got them 99 cents off Ebay LOL

We had about 75 guests. We bought things a little at a time over the 6 months of planning. We opted to go for the free church hall that was offered to us and we did it everything ourselves to keep the costs down.

ETA - I forgot .... my brother owns a restaurant supply biz and so he gave us our plates, cutlery, coffee cups etc. I tried to pay him but he wouldn't here of it.

[snu]

That's what we have done, also. We know about how many guests (less than 50), and about how much it will cost per person. We're also looking into "off season" dates to save a little more (we're thinking November).

[shawnsgirl]

We paid for mostly everything ourselves. We didn't discuss it much with our parents or anything. My mom just kind of came in and said I'm buying your dress and veil and offered to pay for flowers. I didn't want or expect any of it and I was soooo thankful!!

[twu]

I would have problems with anyone assuming any party will contribute money for weddings. For example, simply assuming that the bride's parents will pay for most of the expenses is a fairly presumptuous in this day & age, and simply assuming that one set of parents will donate more just because they are wealthier is also presumptuous.

However, if the bride & groom discuss their financial situations with all their parents and each set of parents proposes how much/how little they can contribute, then I have no problem with thinking that is how much they will contribute. I know that the families that my FH and I come from are both very loving and understanding, so there wouldn't be drama as a result. I think that if his parents or my parents were more elitist, gossipy, unpredictable, or less demonstrative, then I would be more cautious about taking their word.

[EarlyBird]

Not that i would call it a PROBLEM thinking another person is paying (and i dont think any RATIONAL person just THINKS that someone else is paying- it is discussed before anyone would think that, which would mean its not assuming)
But yes, my parents are contributing a great deal- they are actually paying for the wedding, but anything extra i want, (extra favors or a certain lighting i want or different sashes on the chairs) i am paying for..
and if they told me tomorrow they couldnt pay for it I would be upset after they let me book venues and eeverything.. Nobody promises financial help and then wakes up one morning to find they cant help.- they know for a while whats going on.
I know this is not your first post about this, so i understand it upsets you very much for whatever reason, The thing i can find a problem with is someone spending money and assuming they will get it back from the guests as gifts.. as my fh and i have stated, out of the money we get, we will replenish anything we put in to the wedding, but if we dont get it, thats fine too- we are not overextending ourself in that way.
and honestly, if we were, im not really sure why this post would even exist- its not like its a problem YOUR having and you want to see who else is in the same boat, your kind of attacking people - i mean that in no offense to you-

[Joe's girl]

Not that i would call it a PROBLEM thinking another person is paying (and i dont think any RATIONAL person just THINKS that someone else is paying- it is discussed before anyone would think that, which would mean its not assuming)
But yes, my parents are contributing a great deal- they are actually paying for the wedding, but anything extra i want, (extra favors or a certain lighting i want or different sashes on the chairs) i am paying for..
and if they told me tomorrow they couldnt pay for it I would be upset after they let me book venues and eeverything.. Nobody promises financial help and then wakes up one morning to find they cant help.- they know for a while whats going on.
I know this is not your first post about this, so i understand it upsets you very much for whatever reason, The thing i can find a problem with is someone spending money and assuming they will get it back from the guests as gifts.. as my fh and i have stated, out of the money we get, we will replenish anything we put in to the wedding, but if we dont get it, thats fine too- we are not overextending ourself in that way.
and honestly, if we were, im not really sure why this post would even exist- its not like its a problem YOUR having and you want to see who else is in the same boat, your kind of attacking people - i mean that in no offense to you-

I am absolutly not attacking anyone, It is a mere statement that so many girls complain on here that family memebers are not helping out. It has just been tradition thru the ages that the Bride discusses with her parents on how much they can afford then plan accordingly. The other post starts off with finding a MORE expensive location then venting that the FIL are not contibuting and that they are very wealthy and thats what upsets me, its not about stature its about principal.

[twu]

It's not what you say so much as how you say it--condescendingly.

[WebLady]

Remember to play nice ladies :ginger:

Everyone has different views, different families, different upbringing, etc ...

[bichonlvr]

I wish I was RICH! I mean like Really rich!!! HA HA! I would donate at ton to all of you!

[HisMuse]

I wish I had enough money to do a destination wedding in Ireland and fly all my friends/family there. That would rock! I'm pretty lucky though to have my parents paying although things could still go haywire...nothing is set in stone.

[TangoWedding]

We're expecting to pay everything ourselves, too. That way if/when anyone contributes anything at all, it's a welcome surprise. FMIL bought all our plates/cups/napkins/etc and even though it was only, like, $70, it made me squeal I was so excited about it. :bblol:

[Whitewater]

Well, here's my perspective . . .

The first time I was barely 21 years old. Both families came from wealthy professional backgrounds (he was a lawyer's son, I'm a doctor's daughter) and my parents are very conservative and pretty darn traditional.

My folks are so traditional that I never saw any of the bills. My parents assumed they were going to pay for what the bride's family paid for, and that's what they did. His parents assumed they were going to pay for what the groom's family pays for, and that's what they did. We paid for our church (that was a compromise because neither family wanted us to get married there, but we really liked it, not the least because it was non-denominational and the non-denom church ex and I went to held their services in a GYM at the time, so no 'home' ground) but that was about it.

There most certainly are people out there still who are traditional and pay up because they just know it's their duty, privlege and responsibility.


Now, the second time around we have created a budget where we will not *have* to rely on our families to afford our wedding. My parents have told me that they'll most likely give a gift (and I have a feeling it will be either $500 or $1000) to help with wedding expenses but we are NOT counting on that. We fully intend to pay for the wedding ourselves. If our families want to help, great. If not, that's fine too. We've both been married before and we don't think it's appropriate to expect our families to foot the bills this time around -- and anyhow, I have had enough of 'I'm paying for it, so I get to make the decisions!' attitude.

So this time what it boils down to is: We are saving and budgeting and so on so that we don't have to depend on outside help. If we get money from another source, it's gravy. But we are not counting on it, and we budgeted our wedding without adding in any extra 'Bank of Mom and Dad' income.


Whitewater

[rainbowtreat]

We payed for our wedding. It was my second and his first. Neither family has money and if they did we would not expect them to pay. After all this was our wedding. ( just my point of view and how I was raised ) What peopl did do for us was offer things as gifts. As in my BIL and his mother did the food for us. They cooked it and set up the buffet tables and cleared away and all that. My friend from Australia paid for our picutres ( which just so happen to be more then my whole wedding lol ). I had a freind buy the glasses I decorated for the guys and girls. My moms husband paid for some of the bouquetts and bouts. for the guys again as a gift. This ment so much more to me then a gift they could have bought. My aunt did my hair for me and my daughter. She is a hair dresser.

So besides what people offered to us as gifts we paid the rest of it ourselves. I even boguht my sisters kdis their clothes for the wedding.

I think if comes down to how people are raised and if they are raised in the sense that parents pay for the weddings then that is what they may come to expect. there is nothing wrong with this at all. Others perfer to do it all themselves and again not a thing wrong with that either.

[frenchie]

I hope I won't have too many problems - we ARE counting on a lot of help from a lot of people, so if some things don't happen we have a problem.

[Whitewater]

I think the key to making sure that the money actually comes from other folks is communication! Talk about it, openly talk about the money, and keep talking about it!

At the moment I'm having trouble getting the FH to actually make the literal movements to get me his share of the savings he pulls from his paycheck so that I can put it in our joint savings account. (For some reason, he's letting me handle our wedding money!) He's saving the money, and putting it somewhere, but he won't put it in the right place. I'm going to have to remind him to get it to me . . . again.

It may seem silly and wierd or pushy, or whatnot, but personally I'd rather remind him about what we agreed and tell him how serious it is that he's not complying and GET IT DONE than to suffer in silence and have our relationship suffer (not to mention the wedding) because he is being slow. He has money issues and I am *sure* his reluctance stems from nothing more than the fact that he doesn't want his money to leave his possession. He's one of those guys who would put it in a mattress in order to feel secure. . .

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that if you're expecting financial help from others for your wedding, talk to them about it until you're all blue in the face, and leave nothing to be assumed, because that's where the problems lurk.


Whitewater

[HisMuse]

I was really annoyed a little while ago when my mom started complaining about the cost...even though I've asked her every single item along the way. I told her that she can always tell me it's too much but so far she should have no complaints. Then she told me she was considering offering me the money instead but thought I wouldn't take it but I told her I might have.

I think she wants to do the wedding more than she admits. I don't know what her problem is. They are waiting to get money back from a legal situation and until then I suppose she'll be nervous. I definitely would have been ok with eloping to Ireland.

[bichonlvr]

We are going 3 ways....my mom/Step-dad, my dad, and US!!!

[Nekochanpurr]

We planned on paying for the whole thing ourselves. I would never ask my family to pay for it, if they could.. Moms more broke than i am.. Steve's parents have been nice enough to add things along the way and say they are paying for certain things, and i REALLY appericate it. I won't lie, its been really hard to save up for the wedding. We don't make very much.. We are having a small wedding, but to us, $3,000 is still way expensive. However, we WILL get it done. And if for some reason Steve's parents decide to pull out, we will work it out somehow. The only thing i'm a little worried about is that his mom offered to get us a photographer.. I am REALLY excited about this.. If she changes her mind, we will have to just have our friends take pics.. So i'm really hoping she doesn't change her mind!! lol But i'm too scared to ask, and Steve doesn't know how to ask 'hey, bout that photographer..' lol... Does this even make any sense??

...Sorry, rambling now.

[Joe's girl]

We planned on paying for the whole thing ourselves. I would never ask my family to pay for it, if they could.. Moms more broke than i am.. Steve's parents have been nice enough to add things along the way and say they are paying for certain things, and i REALLY appericate it. I won't lie, its been really hard to save up for the wedding. We don't make very much.. We are having a small wedding, but to us, $3,000 is still way expensive. However, we WILL get it done. And if for some reason Steve's parents decide to pull out, we will work it out somehow. The only thing i'm a little worried about is that his mom offered to get us a photographer.. I am REALLY excited about this.. If she changes her mind, we will have to just have our friends take pics.. So i'm really hoping she doesn't change her mind!! lol But i'm too scared to ask, and Steve doesn't know how to ask 'hey, bout that photographer..' lol... Does this even make any sense??

...Sorry, rambling now.

IF you run into a problem with a photographer, your best bet to get professional pics for a very low cost is call a local photography school, All students have to have certain amount of professional pictures taken to get in there portfolio. They will probably just make you pay for the film.

[BrandyGibbons]

My mother told us up front how much money she was giving us and that was it. She said that we could spend it on what ever we wanted. When we got around to talking to Husbands parents they were so bad at us (another day) that they said that they would only pay for there side of the family. They wanted to know how much the food was going to cost and how much the alcohol was going to cost. When we told them prices, they got all bad and told us it was too much money. They only had like 20 people show us from there side of the family. In the end we just thought that they weren't going to give us any money and we paid for it our selves. They ended up giving up $500.

When it comes to money plan that you are not going to get any, and than when you get some it will be a bonus. If you plann on people giving you money, you many end up in a jam.

[miranda]

We're not really having too many problems right now. My dad has offered a certain amount, and we saved a certain amount, so that's our budget. If my dad suddenly says he won't give us the money, we'll be in trouble.

[Nekochanpurr]

IF you run into a problem with a photographer, your best bet to get professional pics for a very low cost is call a local photography school, All students have to have certain amount of professional pictures taken to get in there portfolio. They will probably just make you pay for the film.


Thats a really good idea, but i don't think we'll even be that flexible!! I have a couple friends who are really good at taking pics.. They are both in my wedding party (d'oh!). When i say we are on a tight budget, i mean it :whoa:. But thanks for the idea.. It wouldn't hurt to look..

[septemberbride06]

my parents paid for most of it but me and Joe paid for certain stuff along the way... some posters on here said that their parents were comaplining about how much things costed..I was a BARGAIN SHOPPER...my mom would tell me to STOP cutting costs that that wasn't important, what I wanted was...of course in the end I won and said look, there is NO reason to spend 3 x's more on such and such when I can save this much...yada, yada....I only had like 65 guests but I think my little wedding was perfect and I think my parents spend around $4,000.00 and me and Joe footed about $1,000.00-2,000.00

[DizzyCow]

both our rents said they will pay half half.
my rents so far are paying for the venue bridal accessories shoes makeup hair guest book food music cake champagne glasses and cake cutting stuff and much much more.including my jewelry.
his parents have payed the dry cleaners for my dress and might be paying for the florist since its their relative.

so yeah i do have a problem because its not fair that my parents have to pay and they arent giving me **** and they even live 5 minutes away while my parents live an hour away and come all the way here to give me money. :hothead:
and i cant very well ask for them to give me money and i told h2b but he wont either. but i told him he is going to ask for money for my hair extensions and hair stuff that will be over 200 pounds.

[sjk1431]

We will be paying for most of ours ourselves.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I was a BARGAIN SHOPPER...

My mother and I are both bargain shoppers. We both planned my first wedding and had a good time finding the best deals together :) My parents paid for most all of my first wedding.

[crazydaizychiki]

My mom can't stand my FH. He's 5 yrs older than me. She was abused by my dad so she's overly analytical of everything that he says and does. She doesn't aprove of our relationship, but is supportive. I'm not even going to tell her about our wedding planning until I have a ring on my finger. i've talked to her generally about marrying Justen and I've told her about how happy I am to have started a new life with him; moving into our own apartment, being in college, and getting a raise and a promotion at my job this year. I've told her that I want to marry him and I want to EVENTUALLY have kids with him.

Would it be insane to ask for financial help with the wedding after he formally proposes?
We're planning in paying for it ourselves. It would be nice to have help... but she might have a heart attack in the 1st place.

When I was growing up we were dirt poor, my dad was into drugs and always in prison, so we moved in mith my grandparents. My mom worked part time at Fry's and she was going to college full time. My mom, brother, and I all shared 1 bedroom. Later we moved into a house in a nice area, she was just renting it though, when the city hiked the rent up we moved to the GHETTO; drive by shootings, murders, robberies... Now she is an auditor for the state and makes bank. Both my brother and I have already moved out. She takes me shopping and out to lunch sometimes and pays for everything and even buys my perscriptions and pays for doctors appointments. I know it's because she feels guilty about the way we grew up.

I wonder if she would conrtibute at all.

[SenoritaFuego06]

I was raised in a very traditional home down here in the South. But I was also raised by my grandparents. My grandfather has been deceased now for 6 yrs. So money has been tight for my grandma and I. Especially with me going to college. Now I'm getting married too. Needless to say my grandma is 70 and still working to help pay for bills and such. Our entire wedding is going on my grandma's credit cards, if you ask me all of you who have parents or can pay for your own weddings you are blessed.

[Always&Forever]

I honestly don't know how I could pay for a wedding right now! I am in college taking 19 credits a semester. I have a job, but would rather concentrate on my studies than worry about money. My father wants me to have "the wedding of my dreams" and has told this to me countless time. While he is still looking for bargains, he continues to buy more and more for the wedding.

My dad is paying for everything the bride's family is supposed to. My FH is paying for everything he is supposed to, as well as his mother. I payed for his wedding ring and my bridesmaids gifts. My dad feels, if possible, it is the parent's responsibility to pay for their child's education (through college) and regular living expenses. Apparently he considers a wedding as part of his "obligation," though, I know he is loving every minute of it. He keeps talking about wanting to give myself and the guests a wedding they'll always remember.

I am very thankful to have a father who is willing to help with planning the wedding of my dreams and am fortunate to have him provide this for John and I.