I am new to this and need alittle help

[skybaby]

Okay so I have been engaged for a year in April. At first I was excited, not overly excited cause I am only 23 but I had waited for this to happen with my boyfriend because we have been dating years. Well my problem is that all my friends are being rude to me about it. Like anytime I mentioned it they would quickly change the subject or something along those lines. So from April all the way up untill last weekend I didn't mention a word about it just because I felt they were mad at me. Anyways, So last weekend I asked a friend of mine to go to a bridal show with me since my "Maid of Honor" was to busy to go. We went and I just couldn't get excited at all? So then I go to work on Monday (today) and I am telling my friend about it not anything extreme just trying to bring her to reality of I am gonna be getting married and she says in the middle of my conversation "oh did I tell you what my boyfriend said to me about having a baby" I know she always thought she would be married before me and that is what her problem is but come on after 6 years did she not think he was gonna ever ask me. I don't know what to do? we have been friends since birth she is also my cousin so I just can't see why she can't be happy for me? Help please

[bnd94]

I have people in my life that act this way too. Changing the subject whenever I start talking about our plans. Most of the time it is my Mom doing this to me :bbconfused:

All I can tell you is what I do. I pretty much ignore them. I am planning this wedding all by myself. And I am not letting anyone bring me down. It would be nice to have more help and I am hoping when we get closer to our date people will want to get more involved.

This is your wedding. The only wedding you will ever have. Don't let others ruin your excitement. It is ok to be excited for yourself. It is a BIG day and the beginning of the rest of your life together. No Offense but if they are behaving this way how good of friends are they really? I would never try to ruin a friends happiness. It sounds like this is what they are trying to do. I hope you won't let them.

I don't know what to tell you to do about it other than ignoring them. Maybe you could talk to them and explain how it makes you feel. If they are true friends they will realize what they have been doing to you is not what friends do to eachother. I wish you luck. If you ever need any help or advice come to us. We will always be here for you.

Oh yeah tell us all about your wedding plans. I would love to hear all about it!!:D

[LaceyinPgh]

I have a bridesmaid who is the exact same way. Whenever I mention anything about my wedding she changes the subject on me. Her dress was supposed to be ordered this month and I know for a fact that she hasn't even gotten around to getting that little detail done yet. If I do get her to acknowledge that I am getting married she points out that she thinks I am wasting money on this or that but since I am "spoiled" I can do what I want. It all boils down to jealousy in the situation. It is hard to be happy or involved in something like a wedding if you are too jealous to see straight. I am lucky in the fact that I have my mom helping me with my wedding on those days where she isn't driving me totally insane about my wedding. If I didn't have her though I get the feeling that 100% of the burden would fall on me too. It is unfortunate but sometimes that is what you have to do. Is your FH at least helping out?

[Teribridetobe]

I am also having to plan my wedding on my own. I have someone who is quite vocal about some of the decisions i am making. Never right or waisting my money. I have stopped asking this person for an opinion because now i know it will be negative. It only happens once. I would like to have fun with the planning. I have to agree with Becky. I think friends are supposed to be very supportive. Its supposed to be fun. I would let them know how this is affecting you. i would have to say that avoid the negativity and share with people who are supportive. I wish you all the best. If you need anything we are here to help!!

[CindySue]

Dont feel too bad. I think every bride must have that one person that acts like that. Some have more. Ive have a friend that wants the MoH role but doesnt want the responsibility that comes with it. She had told me she would ahndle certain details but has yet to do so and when i ask her about it she changes the subject. So I am handling everything myself and we have dropped the wedding party to just our kids. The way I see it, if they dont deserve the honor, they arent getting the honor.

[skybaby]

that helps alot i just get so frustrated with everyone. i wanna be excited and happy but they restrict that and yeah that isn't how she should act considering when we were about 5 we would pretend to plan weddings for each other. she should be happy oh well let the games begin i won't let them bring me down anylonger!!!!!!!!!
thanks (:

[CindySue]

Ive gone through little periods of depression because with no one helping me, it was overwhelming. Talking to my FH helped alot.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Keep your head up and keep pushing through! Don't let these people bring you down, all it is is Jealousy!! (that horriable green eyed monster!!) Just remember that in the end "The Juice is worth the squeeze!"

As far as your Best Friend, is she really that great if thats the way she acts?? Cut her out of the wedding and the wedding plans, maybe when she realizes what a :censored: she is being and realizes that you aren't including her anymore, maybe just maybe, she will realize what she is doing to hurt you! Or just talk to her, if she means that much to you. You can't resolve something like this if you don't speak up!!

I wish you the best of luck!!

[Moe]

I know it's difficult but I think you should ask her in person if there's something on her mind. Tell her that your feelings are hurt and that you've noticed that she's constantly changing the subject when it comes to your wedding.
If you continue to ignore the situation and just chalk it up to her jealousy it will cause you to resent her and that's going to hurt your relationship with her.
She may not be aware of what she's doing, she may just be self absorbed and isn't comfortable with you having the spotlight. She may be irritated with you about something, what ever it is it's hurting the relationship, it needs to be put out on the table. You may even get into a fight but talking about it will hopefully bring the two of you closer.

Don't talk to her when you're mad that won't help the situation.

I've had friendships end because of a lack of communication.

[rainbowtreat]

[quote=Moe]Don't talk to her when you're mad that won't help the situation.
quote]

I can vouch for that. I had a problem with one of my friends. a problem that will not go away anytime soon. Not till a month before my wedding.

But besides that I dont realy have any one who wants to listen about all the thigns I have inplace for this wedding. I find it easy to deal with when I come on here and place every thing on my journal to share with all of you here. I can pour my heart and soul into over 3 hours of budgeting and searching to a point that my FH didn't want to disturb me case I wason a roll. So after all was said and done I couldnt wait to post what I had done in my journal because I knew the girls here would give me a thumbs up and tell me how great it all sounds.

I thank god every day I found this place. It keeps me sane.

[WebLady]

Ya know when it all comes down to it, the whole wedding thing is about you and your FH and you guys starting your new married life together. Not about what others think or who is involved. At least IMO

Try to talk to your friends and family but if they (friends, family, or whoever) cannot be positive and supportive of you then just brush them off and wish them the best. None of us need that thing in our lives. Don't other people's 'drama' affect your life and your wedding. I know it is hard because I have issues with friends and family too. And it is not like you can never see these people again ... you will find that some people will be friends you can talk to about anything and others you can't talk about much more than the weather.

You should be able to talk to your FH about anything and lean on him when you need support ... be happy and make your wedding plans, if no one wants to be happy for you and/or be a part of your day then (as harsh as this might sound) :censored: them.

Best wishes,

[maz]

You all shouldnt let jealous people get you down at the end of the day its your big day not theres and if they cant be happy for you then they cant really be good friends! It very unfair on you they are taking away your thunder be strong and dont let them. Let them just get green with envey when they see that there rudeness hasnt affected you and that you have a wonderful day and an even better life together x x x x x x x x x x

[WebLady]

Someone told me something the other day that might be fitting to this kind of thing ...

"We have to remember that there are lower forces all around us ... they will try to get in and attack through those closest to us; our friends and family"

In cases like this, (at least with me) I find that I would never accept such behavior from random people but it affects me more when it is those closest to me. That is where the 'lower forces' get their power ... don't let them!

If these people are really your friends (family or not) then they shouldn't act that way. Like I said before, none of us need that kind of 'drama'. So if your friends and family are not positive and supportive of you then just brush them off and wish them the best and look for new friends.

I am dealing with similar issues and trying to distance myself from such drama and trying hard not to let it affect me.

Best wishes to everyone!

[Beaner]

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who has family members who act like that. I have a cousin who I had set my heart on asking to be a bridesmaid - and she KNEW I was working up the courage to ask her - but both she and her mother always used to change the subject whenever I or my mother would broach the topic of my wedding. And to top it all off, when visiting these relatives one day, my aunt waited until my cousin had left the room before she looked at me and said: "Well, you know, she isn't for the big wedding things.... her other friend is getting married as well and she's sick of hearing about the ring and the dress and the this and the that.." Gee, tryin' to tell me something, are we? lol Needless to say, I never did ask after that. Now this cousin has had a child with her partner. While I am excited for them, I couldn't help but feel a little resentful at the fact that I wasn't allowed to talk about the wedding, but they could send me e-mail after e-mail after e-mail of new photos, sonogram pictures, scans of hospital cards, etc. I am very happy for them, but I wish they could have shown a little more interest in this step in my life.

[WebLady]

'Beaner', I have that problem too but in the reverse ;) Most of the peopleI know love to talk to me about baby things (which I care nothing about) and send me all the emails with the silly pictures and such, but don't seem to care about what is important to me in my life. Or when they do 'allow' me to talk about my life, they make stupid comments.

I just don't understand people half the time, and I guess they don't understand me ;)

:goodluck: to all of us :wink: