Baby before wedding?

[McG2B]

Hi,

My partner and I got engaged a couple of months ago. This was very welcome and largely unexpected. I am 29 and we were planning to try for children soon as having a family is very important to us. Despite now being engaged (and not being pregnant) we are considering waiting till after our first child to get married. The alternatives are to get married quickly (I like the idea but realistically feel we are both too busy right now for this to be enjoyable or good for us) or to leave trying for children for a while (I’m loathed to do this because of my biological clock :-))

I could go into all thoughts and background and explain in detail where I stand on this but I’ll leave that for now!

Any thoughts appreciated.

Thanks!

[Danielle9608]

I think if you and your partner feel the time is right then try for it. Plus wouldn't it be wonderful to have your bundle of joy there on the day that you to get married. How do you folks feel about it?

[McG2B]

Thanks Danielle. i like that thought too.

I haven't mentioned it to my folks yet as I'd like to be surer of myself before i do that. pretty sure they'd be supportive though.

[McG2B]

As an aside, has anyone planned a sizeable wedding (say 150 guests) pretty quickly (4 or 5 months?) and found it to be enjoyable and not too stressful? We could just elope but I'm keen to have family and friends there.

[bichonlvr]

The only thing I worry about is you never know how long it will take to get pregnant...some get prego first try others try for months!

I have heard of plenty of people planning a big wedding quickly as long as you can get a place!

[tinkerjew]

Just out of curiousity... you say that you are too busy to plan a wedding right now to really enjoy it, and I can understand how stressful it is because I finally decided to give it up because it was really stressful, among other reasons. But wouldn't having a child be much more stressful? Would you really be able to enjoy the pregnancy, the birth, and the early development stages of a child?

[septemberbride06]

okay I have 2 things to add.
1. I planned my entire wedding in 9 months (and YES..it was extremely stressful at times...not all the time..mostly when I procrastinated LOL)

2. My son was 6 months old the day before my wedding. Me and Joe got pregnant fairly quickly (and unexpectantly) which was okay but being that he was soo young and he won't remember "our day" then it was fine.

I think that you and your FH need to discuss these things before trying to get pregnant simply because if either of you is not ready then it will be even more stressful. i did fine with mine but again different strokes for different folks..your situation is different so do what makes both of your comfortable, and who cares what everyone else thinks, right :frogg:

[SerendipityCrafts]

Ok so I am old fashioned ..... but I think a wedding should come before the baby. Once you have a baby, believe me when I say, your priorities will change and unless you are loaded, there will no be money left to have a wedding or a honeymoon.

[Goin2thechapel]

I agree with Elizabeth. I am a firm believer that marriage is something that should be done before having children, but I also understand that it's 2007 and times have certainly changed. Make sure you talk it over with your partner and come up with a pros and cons list if need be.
Good luck

[TrulyWed]

I planned my entire wedding, honeymoon, and everything in between, in 7 months. It was not stressful AT ALL! I loved every minute of it. I believe that if you have it set in your mind, that it is going to be stressful, then it will be!

Then, 1 month after we got married we got pregnant :) We wanted to get pregnant right away, and it happened. Now I have a 6 month old and let me tell you, a baby is WAY more stressful than planning a wedding! I'm so glad we did it in the order we did, otherwise the entire time planning, I would have had a little one on my mind and taking all my time, every day. And then can you imagine the honeymoon?? I went on a 7 day cruise...I would go NUTS not being able to see him for that long.

So just think about it, when it's your day, you don't want to be worrying about your breast pads leaking through to your wedding dress and having to go change them every two hours! hehe good luck to you and your husband to be! :frogg:

[SerendipityCrafts]

So just think about it, when it's your day, you don't want to be worrying about your breast pads leaking through to your wedding dress and having to go change them every two hours! hehe

I never thought of that but yep, it could happen rotflmao!

[EarlyBird]

Not that im old fashioned. I just personally feel for me, its better to have my wedding before my child. We really talked about having one before but think about it, Do you want to enjoy your day without having to worry about where the baby is or worry about what to do with him/her for the honeymoon. I personally want children right away but will wait until after for that because of this reason -

[exoduslaughin]

I feel that it is proper to be married before having children. But I also know that times are different, some people feel differently. And sometimes things just happen. But for me at least, I have always said that I must be married first. I also want to add to what Elizabeth said, once you have kids you probably won't have the extra money to have a wedding and/or honeymoon. I had a friend that tried to have a formal wedding after having kids, and she couldn't swing it. She even sent out invitations, before realizing that she had to cancel the whole thing. So just make sure you and your FH discuss all the possibilities before making your final decision.

[June_Bride2008]

I reallyl don't know what to say. I kinda think that I"m in the same position. I want a baby so bad!!!!!! WE are going to wait until we are married. That works better for us. I would say do what you want to do. I would probably wait till after you get married. Then your ready!!!! I know your probably ready right know. Don't let the wedding stress you out. It does everyone. I would get the wedding done and over with then do everything else. It would be adorable for the baby to be there at the wedding.

[frenchie]

I think that you should get married first - it's totally possible to plan a wedding in about 5-6 months (I'm doing it, about 150 guests). It's a bit stressful at times, but you just need to be ready for that.

[ger]

I planned our wedding in about 5 months. It wasn't at all stressful...and the hardest part was getting the date actually set because of family issues. The rest wasn't bad at all.

[70707Bride]

If you were to get married first, how soon would you be thinking for the wedding? We had about a year and a half to plan and it was stressful because we procrastinated lol. Once I stopped worrying about little details, it was so much better. I guess it just depends on how elaborate of a wedding you want. I would think that having to raise a child and plan a wedding and working would be a lot more stressful, but that's just me.

[Qtlilone22]

Hi .. Don't worry I am planning my wedding in 9 mths and it is approx. 300 guest.I really have not been stressed out at all. I am enjoying every minuter of it. Getting pregnant is something you and your soon to be husband should think about.I'm sure whatever you guys decide on will be great. On the other hand my fh and I are planning to wait because we want to spend sometime together as a married couple. I guess I am also the old fashion way. Goodluck with your decision!

[Measha]

I am also old fashioned and strongly believe that marriage should come before children. You might like the "idea" of a baby, but the actual thing is a much less romantic notion and can be more than you or FH bargained for.

As for us, well. We want to get out of college first, get settled in our careers, buy a home, and experience life as a married couple before we do it as a family. So I'll likely be waiting 3-5 years.

[septemberbride06]

I just wanted to add my two cents (as usual). I know all of you have stated that you firmly believe children should come before marriage but sometimes that just isn't what happens.
I was on BC and using seperate protection and we STILL got pregnant, so sometimes it's just god's will. I always thought the wedding should come before the kids too, and I was raised old fashioned and have alot of the same beliefs, but I just felt sorta offended by reading what everyone wrote about how it's "proper" to be married first. Just MO and I'm not upset just letting everyone know how it made me feel since I had a child before my wedding..I may be the only one, but still

[70707Bride]

I just wanted to add my two cents (as usual). I know all of you have stated that you firmly believe children should come before marriage but sometimes that just isn't what happens.
I was on BC and using seperate protection and we STILL got pregnant, so sometimes it's just god's will. I always thought the wedding should come before the kids too, and I was raised old fashioned and have alot of the same beliefs, but I just felt sorta offended by reading what everyone wrote about how it's "proper" to be married first. Just MO and I'm not upset just letting everyone know how it made me feel since I had a child before my wedding..I may be the only one, but still

I think using protection and getting pregnant is different than planning a baby.

[Danielle9608]

I just wanted to add my two cents (as usual). I know all of you have stated that you firmly believe children should come before marriage but sometimes that just isn't what happens.
I was on BC and using seperate protection and we STILL got pregnant, so sometimes it's just god's will. I always thought the wedding should come before the kids too, and I was raised old fashioned and have alot of the same beliefs, but I just felt sorta offended by reading what everyone wrote about how it's "proper" to be married first. Just MO and I'm not upset just letting everyone know how it made me feel since I had a child before my wedding..I may be the only one, but still

Personally I think what ever order you do it in doesn't matter. As long as both are happy with the decision. But I have said this from the start. However, I am not the "old fashion" type.

[septemberbride06]

I know it's different but same basic principal (ie. kids BEFORE the wedding)
nobody specified whether they are talking about planned or accidental pregnancies

[SerendipityCrafts]

I think using protection and getting pregnant is different than planning a baby.

Because the OP was talking about a planned baby, I assumed that this is what we were all talking about. I don't think anyone meant to offend at all. Happy little "mistakes" happen & we all realize that.

Those of us who know how much time & money kids require, are just not suggestiong any anyone should PLAN for a baby before a wedding.

[firespirit]

Just MO and I'm not upset just letting everyone know how it made me feel since I had a child before my wedding..I may be the only one, but still

You aren't the only one. I had my son before my first marriage. In fact we didn't get married until he was 2, it was actually kinda cute because he wanted me to hold him so I had him on my hip as we said our vows.

[Nekochanpurr]

Call me old fashioned, but i think marriage should come first. I understand if there are whoopsies with things like the pill (hey, God really wanted you to have a kid! :) ).. But thats why i'm waiting till i'm married. Personally, i think its the most responsible way.. But thats just my opinion. =D

[Jacklynn]

I'm a fan of marriage first.... but as all of you know, I also believe no sex before marriage :) ...

BUT if you have to have sex before you get married, I think that you should probably not PLAN to have a child before you get married. (which I think it different than accidents of course)

[Measha]

I don't think any of us intended to offend anyone! As Elizabeth put it, PLANNING for a child before a marriage is different than what may happen along the road unplanned :)

[firespirit]

I think planning to have a child, whether it is before, after or not even including marriage is probably the more responsible route than not planning. I'm not saying that to offend anyone, my son was not planned.

My concern with saying yay or nay to her question is that she feels that they are too busy right now to plan and enjoy a wedding, but yet she doesn't feel too busy to have a child. I just don't understand that. It's not like they are going to be any less busy after havign a child...

Plus, 29 is still pretty young to really be stressing over a biological clock thing.

[frenchie]

I think planning to have a child, whether it is before, after or not even including marriage is probably the more responsible route than not planning. I'm not saying that to offend anyone, my son was not planned.

My concern with saying yay or nay to her question is that she feels that they are too busy right now to plan and enjoy a wedding, but yet she doesn't feel too busy to have a child. I just don't understand that. It's not like they are going to be any less busy after havign a child...

Plus, 29 is still pretty young to really be stressing over a biological clock thing.

Maybe 29 is a bit young, but we don't know how many kids she wants to have. If she wants more than 3 or 4 kids, I can totally understand she wants to start soon.
But I still think that it would be best to be married first.

[bichonlvr]

HEY HEY 29 is YOUNG!!! HA HA!!!

Have any of you noticed this poster has NOT been back??

[frenchie]

Yeah I noticed that - but I still think that the topic is interesting. And maybe she will be back - sometimes when I find a new forum I forget about it for a few days.
Or maybe she's just reading the e-mail digest of the forum and doesn't have anything to say?