A Thank You??? RIGHT!!!

[EarlyBird]

Okay so FBIL/FSIL got married 8 months ago and never sent out thank yous- after i sent out my ENGAGEMENT thank yous, we received a thank you. HOWEVER-----it was addressed to my fh and not me. the side said my name but not dear him and me it said "Thank you so much blah blah, it was so good to be at your engagement party (name and name)"

WE OWN A HOUSE TOGETHER AND AM I WRONG TO SAY THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ADDRESSED TO BOTH OF US?!?!?!

we gave them 5k----tell me that it was wrong enough to have the thank you take 8months- but now to have it also not have my name..when the card was signed from me and they know we live toegther and combine all finances!!!!


im so upset and mad

[twu]

Unless your FBIL/FSIL are extreme jerks, it's pretty likely that they're just extremely dense. Do you think they were purposefully trying to slight you? If not, then just ask your FH to mention how you felt sad/excluded/upset that they didn't thank you more personally.


I have pretty thick skin, so I probably wouldn't be upset, but I would be disappointed. I think it's understandable that you're upset.

[EarlyBird]

Well in case your wondering , They are complete jerks. they treat me like im nothing. today fbil told me over the phone that i had no right to be at the hospital b/c im not married to him yet- that i should not know about his condition bbefore his family- its not my fault i was there while he was in surgery and his family isnt!!!

[twu]

Well in case your wondering , They are complete jerks. they treat me like im nothing. today fbil told me over the phone that i had no right to be at the hospital b/c im not married to him yet- that i should not know about his condition bbefore his family- its not my fault i was there while he was in surgery and his family isnt!!!

Holy ****! Ok, I would be pretty livid about that. I probably would've told him off right on the spot!


What does your FH think about them and how they treat you?

[EarlyBird]

he knows his bros treat me this way but when he talks to them, they only treat me worse.. so he stopped and i just get over it- yah luckily my phone died right after he said that- i hope the jerk thinks i hung up on him.. give me a chance to be the B*tch this time!!!!!!!!!

:) but really, yes, i am upset about the card- did they not know y last name after 3 years?!?!?!?!?!? or did they not care???? i mean comon.. i never did this to them, not even a little!

[twu]

:(

I'm so sorry. It's hard to cut off family since you all inevitably get together around those holidays. I don't know what to say. If I were in that situation, I would send out a letter/email expressing how upset I was and wait for an apology. If it doesn't come or if they still act like jerks, then I would enlist my FH's help in just cutting them out of our lives completely.

I know it sounds harsh, but in my eyes the ball is in their court if they want to be in my FH's life or my life ever again.

[bichonlvr]

Wait I am still stunned at the 5K...

I would tell them to shove it!!!

[ger]

You could give me 5K and I would send you lots of thank yous!! (Just trying to be funny...don't be mad!)

When Bruce & I were engaged, one of my co-workers got married. His fiance sent our invite to Gerri and guest!! Bruce was sooooo pissed. We had been living together for over a year...and he had been to their house at least 3 or 4 times. Like you said, comeon...can't you even write the name??

As for the hospital thing, I would be VERY livid. It's not like you haven't been close to him for more than a week. I think that is very rude...and when everything is settled down, I guess I would be have a "come to Jesus meeting" with the family. They need to stop bullying you....and GROW UP!!

Hope things get better. You have enough stress right now without dealing with these jerks!

[firespirit]

I have no idea what I would do in this situation. I'm astounded! Especially about the hospital comment! Wow, just wow, I would be livid.

Props to you for keeping your cool!

[WebLady]

I would probably be upset too; I am sorry your in-laws are such jerks, but try not to let them get to you :hug:

What does FH say about their behavior? I hope he sticks up for you to them. I sure wouldn't be giving them anymore money!

[EarlyBird]

Its only his bros and their wives. his parents are great to me, and so is everyone else.. also the bros would never dar act like that in front of anyone other then fh and me..

He does say things to them, but they are only more harsh to me after so i asked him not to say anything anymore. I did call his older brother today and tell him what the younger one said and told him about the card. I also asked if him and his fiances card said her name and he admitted it did - He and i dont get along very well but he is honest too so i knew he would answer. he also said the other bro took it a little far and he was going to say something to him right away.

Yes, ger, i wish i would have told fh to put that 5k toward ANYTHING other then them.

[frenchie]

Wow I can't believe they snub you like that! The hospital comment was TOTALLY uncalled for, and it's so incredibly rude that they wouldn't thank you. I mean that was a NICE gift, too!

[EarlyBird]

yah and this is funny im having trouble sleeping again and i just realized--- you think instead of telling me i shouldnt be there for his surgery- you think they would thank me for being there for him every waking minute- im there every morning at 7am and dont come home till about midnight or later---- UGHHH! My parents have been there 7 times. my dad stayed there through his whole surgery today- and his parents visit but his bros- NOT AT ALL. i wish they would get off their high horse.. haha

[Danielle9608]

Wow what jerks! I would be angry to especially after that hospital comment. Does being engaged mean nothing to him???

[twu]

My fiance's sister has a lot of experience in socially manipulating others. She said this to me one time: "If I want something or want someone to take a hint, I just talk about it with all of the other adults in their lives, and I eventually get it."

Using that strategy, I guess the approach would be to go to the parents and act all despondent and upset! And if you know any other cousins, uncles, etc., talk to them too.


Of course, the question I'd also ask myself is whether I care enough about them to make that effort. The answer is usually no, but since they're his immediate family... "maybe."

[WebLady]

Well it really sux that they are like that, but I would just not associate myself with them unless I had to.

Like 'twu' said, you could talk to the family and maybe it will make them see what they are doing and they will act better, or maybe it will things worse.

If it was me, I would expect my FH/DH to tell them off for treating me that way ... and probably tell them off myself when they come back worse after the fact.

It is usually best to just stay away from these kinds of people, it is just hard when it is family. Hope you all can find a way to be civil to each other when you have to see each other, but you don't have to be friends and you don't have to give them anymore expensive gifts; they don't deserve your generosity!

Anyway; hope DH is feeling better!!

[bichonlvr]

Do you think his siblings are just bummed that he is taken and not the little bro anymore?

Obviously this is NO reason to be rude etc. But it sounds like they are jealous.... especially since his parents are so great to you...weird!

hang in there!

[EarlyBird]

No there are 4 boys and they are all close but never have that jealously thing. also we all started dating them within 5 months of each other and now we are all marrying... you would think that would make us closer? you guys have probably read on here that the other 3 sil are super close and go out of their way to exclude me (they are in each others wedding, im the only one not)
The way i see it, im close to everyone else in his fam. His fam always says how im the most down to earth and the kindest and to me those are characteristics i want, the values i cherish, and they should let a little of it rub off on them. His mom always says how they are "no class act" when i get upset- i spoke with her about this and she was like "wow i havent even gotten a thank you and i threw them a 12k rehersal dinner, her snobbiness and her trashiness amaze me" ---
It might be that im not good enough either according to them- all the other couples are like 250k year combined income couples. i guess our measly 100k combined income family is too little for their likes :) His mom says it best when she says "money cant buy class dear"..


I saw his brother today- had to be alone with him in the hospital room- he was fidgety and at one point even muttered "awkkkkward" loud enough for me to hear... hahaha just thought i would share that!!!

WEBLADY- Looks like FH will be in there for the rest of the weekend, maybe into next week. told them not to release him until they have an answer on why he is so sick

[frenchie]

Oh I hope your FH will be ok...

Well sounds like your FMIL loves you - which honestly is more important than being liked by the rest. The others sound like they are snobs to everyone who has less money.

[ger]

Have they come to any conclusions about what is wrong with your sweetie??
I hope they find the answers soon!! Is he still in a lot of pain? Hope not!

As for your sils and bils...I am soooo glad that your mil sticks up for you and is nice to you. I think it's funny that your bil thought the scene was ackward...it wouldn't have been if he hadn't been such a jerk!! I have no suggestions...but hang in there. Your mil is your best allie! Good luck!!

[Nekochanpurr]

Wow, they really do sound like jerks. :( Least your mommy in law loves you! <3