Would you be mad???

[shawnsgirl]

Ok, first off lets just say I don't get a lot of time with my "girlfriends" even a phone conversation without interuption is more than a rare occurance. I have two amazing boys, and a wonderful husband however...I also trust him 200%...However, DH really ticked me off tonight.

Just as I was coming downstairs from tucking the kids into bed, I over hear my DH on the phone. I was putting my nightly load of laundry in the washer and DH says hey come here Luke (name changed here) would like to speak to you. Luke preceeded to give me this long whole speech about next Thursday and having my DH come down to his house and go out with Luke, Luke's GF, and two of her female friends. They would all end up at the same house after going to some swimsuit contest..I didn't give his freind an answer but said politely you don't need to get my permission I'm not his mother.

I almost throw the phone at DH at this point I'm tired, cranky, and upset to be put in that position this late at night. (I'm the one that crawls out of bed at 530 every morning) He gets off the phone with his friend and is laughing. I said to DH don't ever put me in that position again. You're a married man however you have a brain you should use it. He said oh it's just a swimsuit contest..I said no I don't care about that. I care that you would be going out with your friend, his gf, and two of her friends that I do not know and sleeping under the same roof. I trust you but in my opinion unless you were forced into this situation it's something a single boy would do, not a married man. I said then put yourself in my shoes...Then he back peddled and said I told Luke what you want to put me in divorce court?? when he asked me. I had no intentions of going. I said I do not care...Please don't EVER have your friends ask me for permission for you to go with them. That just isn't right. Ofcourse...I have nothing to worry about with DH'S loyality and I'm sure it's just boys being immachure, but the whole thing kind of urked me.

DH still thinks it's funny and doesn't understand why I'm upset. I told him that I just don't find it funny to be asked by his friend to go some place. I would much rather have you talk to me if you are really interested going instead of acting like a teenager having your buddy ask mom if it's ok and assure mom that everything's cool.

Ok done ranting..Do I need to recheck that whole issue about keeping a sense of humor in a relationship or do you think I have a right to be upset??

[SerendipityCrafts]

I would be ticked with Luke. I am wondering why "Luke" was asking for your permission for DH to go, but he didn't invite you? Obviously his GF is going.

[KMS]

I would be irritated too. Reminds me of the time one of FHs female friends asked him if he could go do something with a group of their friends or if he was on too short of a leash! Personally, I think that you have every right to be frustrated. Please do take note that I tend to be a very sensitive girl though! :frogg:

[lize566]

I personally would be a little upset. I would not want him to go, but also feel that I shouldn't have to tell him he can't go, he should come to that conclusion on his own b/c he loves me and respects me, right? I would also be incredibly upset that he and his friends look at me in a way that would make them think I would need to give him permission to go, KWIM? So yes I think you have a right to be upset.

ETA: I agree with Elizabeth, too that I would be very upset with Luke, although I would take it out on DH b/c thats what I do (I know it's not healthy, I am working on it :)). Luke was wrong, but DH could have said something.

[KMS]

I would be ticked with Luke. I am wondering why "Luke" was asking for DH to go but didn't invite you too?

Ooooh I didn't think about that. :notsure:

[bichonlvr]

Great points ladies...

do you think that "Luke" asked Shawn and he said something like, "I have to check with the wife." Or "I don't think the wife will let me go?"

[Jacklynn]

I would be upset, I'm right along with you on that one. It's not funny, I hate when people make jokes about having to check with me and stuff first. He shouldn't have handed you the phone. I would give yourselves time to cool off (and for him to realize it isn't funny at all) and then talk about why it made you upset, that way he knows for next time. I mean of course it would be better if he just knew and understood why... but lets face it, sometimes we have to down right explain everything about why we feel a certain way sometimes lol

I hope he realizes that it isn't funny and that stuff like that can make you feel hurt.

[Jacklynn]

I would be ticked with Luke. I am wondering why "Luke" was asking for your permission for DH to go, but he didn't invite you? Obviously his GF is going.

I didn't even think of this... do you have other plans for that same time or what? You should have been invited too! Good point!

[shawnsgirl]

I would be ticked with Luke. I am wondering why "Luke" was asking for your permission for DH to go, but he didn't invite you? Obviously his GF is going.

DH has to go to NJ for work..What happened was is DH got his calender screwed up...One weekend this month he was to have a show to do for work, and a wedding for us to go to all in the same weeked -one at the shore and the wedding is near where all his family is from in NJ. Luke is from DH's hometown which is 4 hours away. When DH told Luke he was going to be around he originally told him this Thursday..He wanted to see if they wanted to go grab a bite to eat or something..DH was all screwed up until I showed him our invite to the wedding and it's actually next weekend. So DH called Luke to tell him he won't be down till next weekend. That's when Luke said oh we have plans for this swim suit contest I may be able to get you an extra ticket and then it goes from there...Does this make any sense?

It wasn't even considered for me to go because of the kids! My youngest is in preschool and my oldest is in first grade. So, Luke knew off the bat it wouldn't be possible for me to come down.

[shawnsgirl]

Great points ladies...

do you think that "Luke" asked Shawn and he said something like, "I have to check with the wife." Or "I don't think the wife will let me go?"

Yeah he supposedly told his buddy what you want to see me in divorce court?? I guess...

DH did this with his Bachelor party..His GM's wanted to take him to a strip club which that's a whole other opinion I have...either way he told his friends I don't think Jonelle would appreciate it and well so they didn't even throw him a bachelor party...

IMO: which I would never say this to DH..While I love his friends..They mean well and for the most part are decent people..They all have a lot of growing up to do!

[KMS]

IMO: which I would never say this to DH..While I love his friends..They mean well and for the most part are decent people..They all have a lot of growing up to do!

That is just what I was thinking with that bachelor party story.

[shawnsgirl]

I personally would be a little upset. I would not want him to go, but also feel that I shouldn't have to tell him he can't go, he should come to that conclusion on his own b/c he loves me and respects me, right? I would also be incredibly upset that he and his friends look at me in a way that would make them think I would need to give him permission to go, KWIM? So yes I think you have a right to be upset.

ETA: I agree with Elizabeth, too that I would be very upset with Luke, although I would take it out on DH b/c thats what I do (I know it's not healthy, I am working on it :)). Luke was wrong, but DH could have said something.

I guess it's one of those no win situations for DH. I agree this is how I feel..I didn't want him to go...and I feel this would be one of those situation where he would tell his friend that hey remember those vows I said a little over a month ago and those promises I made??? Yeah, um count me out..
When it comes to those situations like this I want him to know himself without asking my opinion or asking me to go..wether if it's appropriate or not. It makes it even worst that his friend asked me and not him which makes me in turn more suspicious!

[bichonlvr]

Don't all men have growing up to do HA HA! Right :)

[firespirit]

Yeah. I would be mad. If I were in your shoes at that moment I would have felt like he was treating me more like his mom instead of his wife. He might not have seen it that way, guys are weird and maybe he thought he would be more honest with you if you knew things he had the opportuninty to go to, but didn't want to, I know that doesn't make sense, but guys are weird.

You're going to want to explain to him how that made you feel, without blaming him and maybe he'll think before he hands you the phone again.

[NicksBride]

I would be rather annoyed, but I also have a sense of humor for stuff like this. I would would have "yelled" at Luke and told him to F-off and that DH can do what he wants. That stuff does not bother me.
Ok, so with that being said I think that DH shouldn't have put you in that position, it is ackward and not fair on you. Its like a teenager having his friend ask you something because he is scared of you. Its not appropriate behavior for a grown man and I thought the same thing.. Why wouldn't he ask if you wanted to go? It just seems all very fishy, I would talk with DH about it. If he still thinks its funny i would just drop it and say I hope it dosen't happen again.

[Danielle9608]

I would be annoyed. It was imature on both their parts. And if DH didn't want to go he should have told his friend that, not put you on the spot. Jon did this once and it really bothered me.

[samantha01]

Yeah, I would be aggravated too. He def. should have just said "sorry I'm not up to it" or nope I really don't want to go. I would not want to be put on the spot like you were.

[ikkin510]

I agree with all of the other ladies. "Luke" was completely out of line and DH too, knowingly putting you in the position of having to talk to him. I agree that even if he knew that you would be unable to go because of the kids, you should have been asked anyway. Other women, including his girlfriend had been invited and were going.
As for the batchlor party, I understand you're point there. The same happened with my DH. They wanted to take him to a strip bar. Thankfully, my DH, knowing it would upset me said no, right off the bat. Saying that isn't his idea of a fun time. They all ended up going out to dinner and then playing Wallyball instead.

[katieandalex]

I don't think your DH should of had Luke ask you permission. I think your DH should have said, I have to talk it over with my wife and I'll get back with you. Then DH sit down with you and have a discussion about whether or not he should go.

I guess I'm used to Alex asking me for permission to do stuff, mainly because he knows that I would be upset if he just said "I'm going to go do this tonight. See ya." What if I wanted to go with? Or what if I had other plans that night? And I guess I'm that way because of the family I was raised in. My dad used to just say "Yeah sure." Whenever his friends would call to do soemthing and then tell my mom...my mom would get upset and it would start a big fight. So my dad is now slowly working on saying "I'll have to check and call you back." And then he asks my mom if its ok.

I mean, either way, everyone's relationship is different. I wouldn't have been upset if my DH would have asked me if he could go somewhere with friends, but I would have been upset if he put me on the phoen with a friend and the friend asked permission (other than one because I know it would be a joke). Either way, if its something you are upset about, you need to mention it to your DH to get the problem resolved for the future.

[shawnsgirl]

DH and I had a talk about it last night and Katie I am the same way...If I want to go somewhere or do something I "run" it by DH first and make sure it's ok with him..Even if it's just running to my mom's and grammom's..It's out of respect...

I told DH exactly how I felt and told him it made me even more suspicious having his friend ask. I said please never put me in that situation again. DH told me again he had NO intentions of going...Not sure about that..but that is what he said...After I got off the phone with his friend that is when he said he wasn't going to go..Either way...I told DH that when it comes to situations like what "Luke" is trying to get you to do..I want you to be a man about it and say look..I'm married...I'm not going to spend the night at your house if your having your GF's friends stay there (that are single) and say I'm not interested. Not make a joke about it and hand me the phone. DH was actually taken back and didn't understand why or how I could be upset about it. But, he's a man...I said I don't want you to think you need to ask me permission but run it by me if its something you would like to go do..That's all. If your not interested then drop it. I said...If I was going and staying the night at your friends house too I would feel differently but I don't feel comfortable him going out with another couple and two single girls that neither of us know. I said to DH it's not that I don't trust him it's that it's not appropriate and in a small way disrespectful to me.

I have been through a lot and I don't have much tolerance for some of the single woman out there. Some of them don't care if a man is married or engaged and have no respect for the sanctity of marriage. sorry JMO. For instance his old boss had the nerve to flirt with him right infront me. Dh actually had to ask her to stop it got so bad and threatened to quit if it didn't stop. Luckily to weeks later she quit her job...This woman was engaged to..Like I may have said I get jealous very easy...adn can be rather territorial...lol