Just venting over my mom

[ikkin510]

Every since we started planning this wedding my mom has fought me on everything. We were deciding between two dates, April and October. She hated October because my sister will be in college and she may have homework then, or people's kids play football or some other sport so they won't be able to come to the wedding (cause there are no sports played in april and people would rather watch all 15 of their kids games then skip one to come to our wedding!) She agrued with me over where to buy my dress. I should buy it at the store she bought hers at. She didnt' care if I like one from another store better. She kept sending me ideas involving pumpkins once we picked oct for the wedding, since it isn't her choice I should go with her decorating idea. Well I want to stay with leaves, not pumpkins. So she decided that since I didn't like anything she had to say (she forgot that there are things we did agree on) she was done helping. Whatever. I still call her for her opinion on things and she still throws her two cents in in the middle of a conversation. A couple months ago she asked were we were going to register at since we need to pick a place that close to my family and FH's family. I told her Target and Bed Bath and Beyond. She said Target was a bit of a drive, why not walmart and I told her I just like Targets choices better. She said that's ok. It isn't a major drive there and since we are also doing BB and B, that is closer for people who don't want to drive. I also said they could order stuff online too and have it shipped right to use if people wanted to do that (she didn't like that idea.) So last night we went to Target to work on the registry. It took me a while to get in my head that I can ask for something that costs more then $20 (I hate asking people to buy me big things!) Anyway, I told my mom today that we went there and she flipped. I must not care about her family to pick a place that they won't want to drive to since it's 30 minutes away (the one by me is 30 minutes too and no one here has a problem with it!) I told her she said it was ok and she said well I figured you would use your brain and do what is convienant for them, not me. Ok, now I'm just mad about all of this. Then she goes into how she wants to know about what music we are having in the ceremony and I won't tell her. HELLO I haven't picked any yet! She says that if I really am telling her the truth then I am not going to be prepared for this wedding. I am running out of time and people are not going to enjoy themselves at something just thrown together. I have over 8 months yet to plan this thing!!!!! If I would have gone with her april date I would have had 6 months to plan and she was fine with that. Arg, she just has me so mad right now. I tried to be nice and not get too upset while I was talking to her. But I think that just annoyed her even more. She ended up hanging up on me. ARG!!! I am so frustrated now! I feel like I can't make anyone happy with this darn thing!!!!

[bnd94]

Take a deep breath Nikki! :hug:
Are you able to sit your Mom down and have a long Mother-daughter talk? And be honest with her without her flippin out? If so it may be time to give this a try.

[KMac]

Hi Nikki,
Take a couple deap breaths and maybe do a shot of something! Becky had a point, give some space between you and your mom, and maybe sit down and have that "mother daughter talk". Sorry to be sooo blunt, but the last time we all checked, this was "your" wedding, not hers! I am sure your mom is very excited in planning and offering her suggestions, but ultimately the decision is yours! Not taking saides here, but maybe you could compromise on the registering thing. Register wherever you want and add Walmart too. This way, you can make your mom happy on this instance. And register for whatever you need. Even if something does cost more than $20.People always have the choice to go in on a gift together or get you a gift card so that you can pick something out yourself!
You have plenty of time to plan for this wedding! October is like 9 months away!! Just worry about making yourself and your FH first.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Oh Hun! That sucks and I'm sorry that this is happening to you!! I had some similar, but not quite to that extent, problems with my mom as well! I don't know what turns people into "crazy monsters" at the mere mention of the word wedding! I guess the best place to start is to talk with her about how much her negative comments and such affect and hurt you and if it were me, I'd mention how Immature and rude it is to hang up on someone, ESPICIALLY her daughter!! Remind her of who's wedding it is and that you are trying to accomodate as many people as possible but that you want to continue to make yourself and your FH happy, afterall it is YOUR wedding! If she can't accept the way you do things maybe you should tell her that you think she needs to step back from "helping" you plan! (I put helping like that because I don't really know if what she's currently doing is helping you too much!!) Communication is the key! With her, I would try and avoid the phone and talk in person, at least you can chase after her if she tries to storm away, where as on the phone if she hangs up on you and you try and call back she could ignore it! And with registering, register where you want!! Walmart is crappy, in most cases and who really wants to register there?? (Sorry if I offend anyone!) This is about you and recieving gifts that you like and need! Best of luck!

[Jenn060306]

Sorry to hear your having trouble with your mom. My mom gets a little crazy sometimes too. I've had to be very honest with her and tell her what i want and what mark and i want. There are some things we've come together and comprimised on. Hopefully you will be able to work things out with her. This should be a really fun and exsiting time for you.
As for registry.... really choose what YOU and your FH want. This is the stuff you are going to have to live with. Does Target have online shopping? If the guests are so concerned about driving 30 min to go the Target Store they could order a gift online. They wouldn't have to leave the comfort of their own desk chair! Also.... for Target.... i would imagine you'd have a list of things you need to get and do a big shopping trip if you were going there. That's what i'd do.
Hope everything works out for ya.

[ikkin510]

Thanks girls. I talked to my mom about this once before and she backed off for a while. She goes in streaks. I'll give her soem time to cool off and talk to her again. Unfortunatly we don't get to see each other in person often. The days I have off she works and vise versa. I feel bad because I want her to help but the things I like, she doesn't and what she likes, I don't. I'm just not sure what to involve her in anymore because everything I try to get her help in (which is most everything) she doesn't like what I'm doing. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time with her. Who knows what the future will hold for this wedding?!?!

[Shawna Bride]

Reading your message makes me feel comforted in the fact that I'm not the only one going through this!
My Mom is fighting and ridiculing almost every decision I make. If I find a vendor, it's never as good as her contact. She always can get a better deal and a better vendor. Sometimes it makes me hate the wedding process and planning. I cry often and my fiancee sometimes doesn't know what to do with me.
I've tried talking to my Mom, but she never really understands the affect she has on me. So, finally I've just decided to continue on, and just ignore her when she gets like that. It's not all the time, but when she is hurtful, I just tell her "Mom, we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one." Over and over until she gets it.

www.forevershawnaandryan.wedquarters.com (http://forums.onewed.com/www.forevershawnaandryan.wedquarters.com)

[LaceyinPgh]

I know how you feel. I have a crazy mother too. The wedding has only made her crazier. In fact tomorrow on my day off I have to drive an hour to her house to plan my own bridal shower because she insisted that had to be the one to host and pay for it all. She refused to even let someone else think about it. NOw she is too tired and doesn't want to do it. So if I am to have a bridal shower I have to plan the whole thing and I'll probably end up paying for it too. This is just one of a million things that she has done since I got engaged.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I know how you feel. I have a crazy mother too. The wedding has only made her crazier. In fact tomorrow on my day off I have to drive an hour to her house to plan my own bridal shower because she insisted that had to be the one to host and pay for it all. She refused to even let someone else think about it. NOw she is too tired and doesn't want to do it. So if I am to have a bridal shower I have to plan the whole thing and I'll probably end up paying for it too. This is just one of a million things that she has done since I got engaged.

Thats rough Lacey!! I ended up decorating for my own bridal shower because my SIL/MOH buggered off with her mom who just so happened to come visit right as we were preparing to get married! Getting my MOH's attention long enough was like pulling teeth!! I don't know what I would have done without the DH, he sent me home and finished decorating for the shower BY HIMSELF!! When he got home, I was so thankful to him, but then I cried because I realized, if my MOH can't even be bothered to decorate for my shower then where does that make me stand on here list of priorities and will she do the same kind of :censored: on the wedding day! Thankfully she kinda pulled it together and did almost as much as I expected from her!