Hello?! These are MY kids, NOT YOURS

[thatgirljenn]

As some of you know, I just had a baby on 9/12. About 2 weeks after we went to my FH's parents house for dinner. His dad was talking about how the baby should get cereal in his bottle and this and that. I told him "Uh, no..he's only 2 weeks. He's not supposed to have anything until he's 4 months" Then his dad proceeded to tell Rick (my fh) that he wouldn't be able to say no to his grandma if she did that (who is dead by the way).

Well she (Ricks mom) took the kids (my 3 yr old and the baby) overnight last night because my FH and I we're having a rough day. She calls me today to let me know what time she'll bring them home. I ask her how the baby slept and she says:
"Pretty good actually. I'm going to be honest with you and let you know I picked up some baby cereal and fed him about a teaspoon (or tablespoon I don't remember what she said) not in his bottle, on a spoon. And well, he slept from 10pm to 3am."

Um, EXCUSE ME?! He's ***** 3 weeks old. So I call Rick and he's working so he doesn't answer. And so I text him telling him he needs to call me and he replies with "why". And I text him again saying, "do you rememeber how angry I said I would be if your parents gave the baby cereal?" and he says he's not going to fight with me and her.

I am so livid right now. And I know I need to say something to her, but she's an overemotional ***** at times and she'll get pissed at me, and then say something to Rick, and then Rick and I will end up fighting.

[thatgirljenn]

Well I sent his mom a text, if I call her I'm going to lose it.

The text said "I'm going to be honest and let you know I'm really angry that you didn't respect my wishes about not giving the baby anything but formula until his doctor says its ok. He's ten pounds already he doesn't need anything else. I'm just hurt you would do that after I asked you not to"

[shawnsgirl]

While I agree the baby is a bit young for cereal..Those are bascally guidlines..Every baby is different...My oldest wouldn't get full enough on formula alone...At 3 weeks old he would wake up every twohours. I tried binkies, rocking, swaddling..the only thing that would south him is food. Eventually I gave him rice cereal and it helped hold him over and he was much happier..I finally told my doctor and he said well, whatever works..works..If the baby is tolerating it and is having no issues with digestion than it shouldn't hurt!

[ikkin510]

I'm sorry, I just had to laugh when i read the post because I see me and my mother so much in it. My baby isn't even here yet and my mother has decided that I know nothing and have no right to decide what is best for the baby.
I told my mom that I respect her advise and what she has learned over the years. I will take it in to consideration, but this is my child and I will make the decision as to what I think is best. I told her right off, I want her to respect my decisions. And if she can't, then I don't know how comfortable I'll be letting her care for the baby that often.
When your FH gets home, try to calmly explain to him again that this upset you and that you send his mom a message. Just ask that while it doesn't need to start a war over the topic, maybe he could again ask that she respect your wishes on how to raise the baby.
Good luck!

[WebLady]

Well I sent his mom a text, if I call her I'm going to lose it.

The text said "I'm going to be honest and let you know I'm really angry that you didn't respect my wishes about not giving the baby anything but formula until his doctor says its ok. He's ten pounds already he doesn't need anything else. I'm just hurt you would do that after I asked you not to"
That sounds fine to me. I don't have kids, but I have seen and heard of similar issues with my sister and her baby. I don't know why the grandparents just have to push what they think is best no matter what you and the baby's Dr have decided on :bbrolleyes: I would be very upset!

My mom always says "Well, I raised 4 kids and you all turned out ok" It would make my sister SO mad.

One time many years ago I had my mom dog sit for me while my ex and I went on a little vaca. I told her not to give the dog any table scraps, but to only feed him what I sent for him. Well, when I got back the dog was sick and she didn't admit to feeding him **** until I told her what the vet said. I was ticked and I won't let her watch my dogs now!

My sister and her have fought several times over things she chooses to do with my niece that my sister asks her not to.

But it is not worth the drama it would cause in the family to make a big deal about it (even though it is), so If it was me, I would just not let her alone with the baby anymore.

Good luck!

[shawnsgirl]

I want to add too that I don't agree when Grandmom's go and just do against the mother's wishes...We have schedules and we do what do for a reason...My ex mother in law did that a lot to me and it either made me really upset or it made me feel insecure as a mother. It was so frustarting...I'll remember that when I have grandkids down the road!!!!

[keri_rae]

Personally, I'd talk to FH first to make sure he will back you up, but then have a face to face (I think those tend to go over better with serious topics) with FH and FMIL stating that You are very happy the baby has grandparents that care so much, but you are the parent and what you decide needs to be respect. If FMIL or FFIL do not respect your wishes, or you don't feel that you can trust them the baby shouldn't be left alone in their care. However, if they have a serious concern regarding the baby, they should come to you and/or FH and share it. I think that kind of puts the ball in the in-laws court, so to speak as well as saying that you are open to advice should they seriously feel the need to give it.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I am not saying it's right but if your MIL is anything like my x-FIL, you are fighting an up hill battle!

He put a lollypop in my newborn's mouth, gave her a finger full of whip cream and then when she was old enough to drink from a cup, he would give them pop!

No matter how much I protested, fought with him, and had my ex talk to him, he didn't change. He was going to do what he wanted and too bad for everyone else.

*and my x wondered why I didn't care to go over often

Consider asking someone else for help when you need a break.

[thatgirljenn]

Well to make a long story short she called my FH and he called me because I made her cry and this ends up causing a fight between us, I give up.

I'm not too worried about it now because of something that happened, see thread "worst day ever"

[sjk1431]

:hug: that is so rude that they didn't respect your wishes.


My FMIL feeds my dogs table scraps even though myself, FH and the vet have told her no she still does it.

[BrideInCuffs21]

I'll be honest I don't know a whole lot about kids but if a child isn't suppose to have cereal at a certain age then what's so hard to comprehend here? A licensed physician told you to hold off on cereal shouldn't that be a good enough reason to not do it? I would be just as upset as you were hunny at the FMIL... I know I have already had a talk with FH about our furture child rearing days and I made mention of your circumstance and he understands that if I was to 'snap' on my FMIL it will be for a good reason...

Sounds like FMIL has a problem with listening... Just because I am brutatly blunt I would have called my FMIL ASAP and let me words flow especially since you gave instructions to her.... girl I got your back!

[Smashingpennies]

My mother in law is like this sometimes; she seems to think that since she gave her son onion soup at 2 weeks old that she could give a pickle to my newborn. Some of it I think she did just to tick me off and some of it was just that she thinks that if it didn't cause any problems with her son, then it won't harm her grandkids. Pick your battles; and trust me there will be battles. I love my mother in law; but even I have only so much patience for her. I remember one time my two oldest came home and told me Nana( my kids call her that) had given them candy for breakfast. I hit the roof and I had to talk to her about it; what the kids didn't tell me was she gave it to them because they had eaten their breakfast so well. I didn't wait to hear why she had given it to them, I just assumed that was all she had fed them. I try and take a deep breath and count to 10 or 20, before I deal with my mother in law, my kids or my husband. I hope things get worked out, GOOD LUCK!

[hummingbird521]

She should have respected your wishes with regards to this and I completely understand why you are mad. Each child and baby is different and my doctor told me the same thing. NO formula till at least 4 to 6 months of age. However my daughter weighed 8lbs 8 1/2 ozs at birth and could suck a 8 oz bottle down in a heartbeat and still be hungry. So at two weeks she was on cereal. I am not saying this is right for you or your baby. I would have been upset with grandma too. Sometimes though grandma's do know some things. lol. I know my mother certainly did. Maybe if you talk to her calmly and tell her that as she didn't respect your wishes it upsets you to think what else she might do while baby is in her care and that you would feel more comfortable finding someone else to keep baby. Then again if she is anything like myself and my mom she will look you in the face and say "grandma's are allowed". lol.

[ger]

When I do something my daughter doesn't like (which isn't often, but does happen), she tells me she is going to REVOKE my Grandma privleges. And PRIVLEGES they are. I know she is teasing...but is telling me in a fun way that I'm doing something that she doesn't agree with. She is the Mom. I had my turn to attempt to raise fairly well adjusted people...now it is her turn.

Maybe you can approach the situation from that angle. It is her privlege to be Grandma...but your duty to be Mom. Maybe it wouldn't help...but maybe it could cause a little less stress.