Concerned friends & family

[Jenn060306]

Ok... So I need some words of wisdom. I think you guys are really the best ones to help me right now. Everyone i know has such a bias opinion.

So.... Last Thursday, my FSiL/ MOH approached me about what's going on in my life/ Mark and my relationship. She was very concerned because i don't seem like i am very happy. And i don't seem to be bouncing off the walls giddy like 'most' brides this close to their weddings. She asked me how things were going and what was happening that was causing me to be so unhappy. She told me that there have been a couple people asking about me, wondering if i am ok. And also that her and her husband invited Mark and i for dinner on Saturday so they can talk to us and make sure everything is ok.
Then... over the weekend their neighbor (who is also friends of ours but knows Mark MUCH better then myself) starts talking to me on MSN and tells me he feels like Mark bends more to make me happy then i do for him. he gives me all his thoughts on how to make a marriage work. This is all fine, but I'm having a hard time convincing him that we are Fine.
I'd like to say, we are fine. We have our moments like every other couple. We are totally in love and are very supportive of eachother.
I am feeling like some of the problems people may be seeing and thinking has to do with us are problems with myself. In the last month or so i have become more depressed. Not because of Mark and i, but i think more because i am stressed and because the weather here has been absolutly miserable (winiter blues). I don't think i have seen the sun in over a month! Anyways. I know i have alot on my plate with school, work, the wedding, moving, and finding a career in the next 5 months.
I appreciate their concern. I don't know how to communicate with everyone that everything is fine without going to deep into the details of my health problems. I know that just saying 'We're Ok' won't always be enough. Also, how do i suggest to people that i don't appreciate my relationship being the topic of the streets converstation? I don't mind discussing it with my family and best friends... But from what i understand there has been some lengthy conversations among people who don't nessessarily see us together enough to have a good idea of the situations.

If any of you have any ideas on fixing this without coming off and being a :censored: that would be great!
Thanks!

[rainbowtreat]

I am not the best at this stuff. There are girls on her who will give you better advice. but I would have to say that for one not every bride gets giddy so close to the wedding. If so every one deals with it and shows it in their own way. I have 5 months to go and I am not giddy at all. I have way to much to do to be giddy right now. My ex sister in law was the same waywhen winter hit. She was depressed alot. the earlier it got darker he worse for her. Come spring and summer she is herself all the time again. Every person is different and every couple is different. I dont think that any one should be trying to play the role of marriage council here. As to how to tell them to back off without sounding like a ***** i am not sure how to help you there. I tend to ***** if someone has pissed me off.

[WebLady]

I agree with rainbow in that every bride reacts to wedding things in different ways.

You mentioned [i]"I'd like to say, we are fine. We have our moments like every other couple. We are totally in love and are very supportive of each other."[i/] I would just tell them that. If they keep pushing then tell them that you appreciate their concern but you are fine and you don't want to talk about it any further and ask them to drop it *as politely as possible* ;)

Now, I know lots of people that gets 'winter blues' but if you are having real problems with your health and/or depression (which is also a health issue) you should defiantly talk to your FH and maybe even a Dr.

Best wishes to you dear :hug: We are hear if you want to talk.

~ WebLady :)

[bnd94]

Oh Jen I am sorry you are feeling down! Winter blues suck!! I would say go outside and play in the snow. That always helps me. But you are a busy girl. I think you answered your question your self:

I know i have alot on my plate with school, work, the wedding, moving, and finding a career in the next 5 months.
Thanks!

You have so much going on it is understandable that you wouldn't be giddy about your up coming wedding. I wish there was something I could do to help you. Don't burn yourself out girl! I am sure once you explain to everyone all you have going on in your life right now they will understand. Although I think the people that have been approaching you are going a bit far. There is concerned and then there is nosey! I can understand his parents but his neighbors have some nerve to say that to you. You wouldn't be getting married unless everything is fine. I wouldn't worry too much about what they think and say it is how you and Mark feel and it sounds like everything is fine between you. Make that man help you, you have way too much on your plate. And if there is anything I can research for you or help ya in anyway please let me know!!
:hug:
P.S. I'd love to come over there and talk to those neighbors!! LOL!!

[Jenn060306]

Thanks.
I'm hoping people will start to back off a little. It makes me feel bad when everyone seems to be so concerned about me. I really don't like to be in the spotlight. It's felt like that a bit lately.
Anyways. I am debating the idea of tanning just to get a little more light. My mom has said it does help. Not sure about it. I am also going to see the Dr. to see if she has any suggestions.
I'm trying to create a balance betwen everything so i DON'T get burnt out. I've been getting much better at saying 'no i can't do that'. I've made plans that this Saturday Mark and i are going to sit down and make some major decisions on the wedding invitations and all the printed materials so we can start printing them and getting them cut out so its not a mad rush!

I need to remember to take One day at a Time.
Thanks for the help.

[CindySue]

I went through something similiar here just recently. AND for the record, Im not exactly "giddy" over the whole wedding thing either. One minute Im excited and the next Im thinking why in the :censored: did I agree to do this. I personally think its VERY easy to get depressed right now while trying to plan a wedding. Brian was the main one asking me if I was happy, because he didnt think I was. It actually led to us talking. How close are you to your future inlaws? I told my FMiL everything (well just about everything:bbredface: ) that me and Brian talked about. But we are VERY close. While she would like for us to have a wedding, shes willing to go along with anything we decide. That was a big weight off my shoulders.
Jenn, I wouldnt worry about it too much. If anybody keeps asking, tell them you have PRIVATE personal issues that do not have anything to do with your FH or the wedding. Maybe that will get them to back off.

[CindySue]

On another note....they could be scared youre gonna call off the wedding. (I told Brian about your post and this was his opinion) I dont know, because I dont know them.
I know that us brides do need LOTS of help on keeping our stress levels down. An article I read not to long ago was saying wedding stress was what made Jennifer Wilbanks run away and fake her kidnapping. I felt so sorry for her. She was having a HUGE wedding. If Im getting so stressed over my itty bitty one, I cant even imagine the stress that came along with one that size. I think it said she was having 14 bridesmaids! It may have been wrong, but I was like :bbeek: .
Its also hard when we have soooo much other going on in our everyday lives and cant focus completely on our weddings.
Jenn, I feel for you, I really do. I hope you can find a way to ease your depression. I know it sucks feeling that way!
Good Luck!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thanks.
I'm hoping people will start to back off a little. It makes me feel bad when everyone seems to be so concerned about me. I really don't like to be in the spotlight. It's felt like that a bit lately.
Anyways. I am debating the idea of tanning just to get a little more light. My mom has said it does help. Not sure about it. I am also going to see the Dr. to see if she has any suggestions.
I'm trying to create a balance betwen everything so i DON'T get burnt out. I've been getting much better at saying 'no i can't do that'. I've made plans that this Saturday Mark and i are going to sit down and make some major decisions on the wedding invitations and all the printed materials so we can start printing them and getting them cut out so its not a mad rush!

I need to remember to take One day at a Time.
Thanks for the help.

I have similar problems with the "Winter Blues" and for me, tanning does help!! It's like laying on a hot beach for five minutes (or so) at a time!! (Which is good! When I'm laying there its like I'm re-energizing! People saying tanning isn't good for your skin, but I think its ok because its good for your mood!!) This might just help you! Oh and don't let the doctors goat you into going on antidepressants!! I think they are highly over rated. (I was on them for three years!! All I got was addicted to them and going off them when I didn't need them was HORRIABLE!! {dizziness, fatigue, nausea....I couldn't drive andcould barely eat!) Ask your doctor if there is something natural that you can take! Way out here in Alberta I see a Naturopath who had put me on something called "Elovate" (i use them still when I feel myself gettind "down" or the winter blues)....works the same way as antidepressants, WITHOUT the nasty side effects (Ie. Dizziness, fatigue, etc. while taking them.) and they are ALL NATURAL!! (you'll have to see a naturopath or Homepathic Doc to get these or something like it, which for us Canucks isn't covered under health care and it isn't cheap.) However, if its REALLY bad, don't not take the meds because of my bad experiences. You have to judge whats right for you!!

I hope everything gets better for you! Hang in there! And take care, I've been done that road before so I have an idea where you are coming from!! Take each day a step at a time!

[ikkin510]

Jenn-
It seems like most people here get the winter blues. I know I definatly do. Today is the first time the sun has been out in weeks! When it comes to talking to your friends and family, just be honest with them. Explain that you have a lot of things on your plate with the wedding, school, moving, job, etc. Tell them you appreciate that they care and are worry about you but everything is fine! Tell them to let anyone else who is wondering know that as well, (hopefully that will take care of any more neighbors talking to you about it!) I hope this helps out a little bit. I'm not the best in situations like this. That is what I would try to say (of course, with me, it wouldn't end up coming out as nice, expecially if it was the neighbor approching me!)
Good luck!

[LaceyinPgh]

I know that at times they seem annoying but you do have friends and family that care enough to ask you what is going on. But since it does get grating at times, just tell them what you told us. That you are super busy with a million other things besides a wedding and that you have a little case of the winter blues. That should be enough information to get them to back off. If they keep pressuring you just nicely explain that you are thankful for their concern but you are perfectly fine with your FH and very happy. You would prefer that they leave the subject alone. If that doesn' work then you only have one other option....:chair:

[Jenn060306]

Thanks... i've got the warm fuzzies here cause you all care.

I have days where i am totally giddy and such, then i have days where i am just normal, and i have days where i am exhausted, burnt out and bummed out.
Cindy - I have an ok relationship with Marks parents and step parents. More his mom and step dad because they live much closer and we spend more time together. His stepdad and i are close, he defiantly has come to my aid before, and is very supportive of me. His sisters i am very close with as well. Marks older sister is a great friend, total support, and a confidant. I had to big issues with her talking to me about whats going on. I'm glad she did because i thoght i had the wool pulled over everyones eyes about me being unhappy. Apperently i had the wool over my eyes. of everyone who talked to me, she was the most help. And i really trust her the most as well. I don't know that there is a concern about cancling the wedding or me running away.

Canadian Bride - I do have some coverage for Naturalpath... thats a good idea. My chiropractor has one in his office. Food for thought. I had taken anti-depressants before. They helped, but then i was feeling better so i didn't want to take them anymore. I hate the idea of needing pills to be happy for the rest of my life.

I'm going to try and spend some more time with family and friends, and try and be a little more upbeat. It's hard arround the holidays, and having all this stuff to do. More deligation of work i spose!
The bright thing about today... it was SUNNY! the sky was a brilliant blue! Loved it! So pretty against the crisp white snow! I was stuck at a desk most of the day today. But! I was still able to stare out the window!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Thanks... i've got the warm fuzzies here cause you all care.

I have days where i am totally giddy and such, then i have days where i am just normal, and i have days where i am exhausted, burnt out and bummed out.
Cindy - I have an ok relationship with Marks parents and step parents. More his mom and step dad because they live much closer and we spend more time together. His stepdad and i are close, he defiantly has come to my aid before, and is very supportive of me. His sisters i am very close with as well. Marks older sister is a great friend, total support, and a confidant. I had to big issues with her talking to me about whats going on. I'm glad she did because i thoght i had the wool pulled over everyones eyes about me being unhappy. Apperently i had the wool over my eyes. of everyone who talked to me, she was the most help. And i really trust her the most as well. I don't know that there is a concern about cancling the wedding or me running away.

Canadian Bride - I do have some coverage for Naturalpath... thats a good idea. My chiropractor has one in his office. Food for thought. I had taken anti-depressants before. They helped, but then i was feeling better so i didn't want to take them anymore. I hate the idea of needing pills to be happy for the rest of my life.

I'm going to try and spend some more time with family and friends, and try and be a little more upbeat. It's hard arround the holidays, and having all this stuff to do. More deligation of work i spose!
The bright thing about today... it was SUNNY! the sky was a brilliant blue! Loved it! So pretty against the crisp white snow! I was stuck at a desk most of the day today. But! I was still able to stare out the window!

I'm glad that you are feeling better!! Take it easy and we are all here to talk!!

Oh and the naturopath way to go, is the BEST!! For almost everything! I never take antibiotics ANYMORE and I seem to get sick MUCH less!! Lol...ok thats enough of a plug for naturopaths and homeopathic practioners!!

[ikkin510]

Jenn, I"m glad things are working out for you. And to see the sunshine is great! We actually saw it a little today too. We are having a "heat wave" right now so the snow is melting. Cheers a person up which is somethign needed during the winter for people who get those blues.
CanadianBride- I have never heard of that Naturalpath but am interesting in learning more about it. It sounds like something I would love to try out. I hate taking medician with all the side effects. I figure there has to be a better way.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Jenn, I"m glad things are working out for you. And to see the sunshine is great! We actually saw it a little today too. We are having a "heat wave" right now so the snow is melting. Cheers a person up which is somethign needed during the winter for people who get those blues.
CanadianBride- I have never heard of that Naturalpath but am interesting in learning more about it. It sounds like something I would love to try out. I hate taking medician with all the side effects. I figure there has to be a better way.

I'll send you a PM so as not to high jack this thread and end up with those nasty chairs :chair:!! Lol