last name

[LaceyinPgh]

I am just curious as to what everyone is doing for their last names. I know that it has been a topic on here before but we have a lot of new members and things do change over time.

I am kind of torn on this one. I know that I have been me for the last 26 almost 27 years. I like my name just the way that it is. I also don't like what traditionally the changing of a name signifies. Which, isn't an issue now days but it used to be. I know I could just hyphenate since that is what most people tell me to do. But then I would need to drop my middle name because Lacey Daveine H*****-B***** is just a mouthful. My middle name is so speical because it is a combination of my dad's and grandfather's first names. Sean is really upset that I am not taking his name because that is what I am "supposed" to do. (Not a good argument to use on me by the way.) He also refuses to allow me to hyphenate and children's names that we would have. What he doesn't know is that the nurse isn't gong to ask him, she is going to ask me. If I don't change my name our kids names will be hyphenated because my family is no less important than his family. He also uses the argument that our names won't match and people won't think that we are married. When I brought up that he could just as easily change his name that wasn't brought up anymore. Apparently he as the only son has some pride issue going on there. It is ok for my name as the only child to be wiped out of our family history but not for his......hmmm.....The final piece to the puzzle is how I feel about his parents. I think you can all read my other posts to get the gist on that. They aren't my favorite people in the world.

In the long run I think that I will end up keeping my name and then hyphenating the kids names. I have a feeling that after Sean watches me get an epidural he will be a little more willing to go along with my wishes in that department anyway. (This is a man who can't watch ER.) I was just wondering what you other ladies are doing with this matter.

[sarahomalley]

I wish I could offer you advice. Part of me wants to hyphenate my name, but I know with my FH that would be out of the question. I've had this last name my whole life and I'm very proud of it. Plus his sister has the same first name as me and practically the same middle and I've heard comments from his family about her being the real Sarah L****** Not knowing if I should take offense to that or not, it still kind of hurt my feelings. It will take me probably 5 years to get used to writing a different last name!!! Sorry...like I said wish I could be of more help

[WebLady]

Nice topic Lacey,

I know I have seen this on some other board, I thought it was here but I can find it so it could have been another one I use to frequent.

I have heard alot of talk about this subject. Seems some brides opting out of the tradition of taking their husbands last name all together and others doing the hyphenated thing and even others making up a whole new name after they are married.

I am sure there are many reasons for this, from those with established careers or just wanting to keep their family name to feelings of loosing their identity as a person ...

I did a wedding once where the groom took the brides last name! I bet he got some 'beef' about that ;)

When I got married I defiantly wanted to have my husbands last name but I also wanted somehow keep my family name without having to do the long hyphenated last name. So I dropped my middle name and now I use my maiden name in it's place. This way I was able to take my husbands last name while still keeping my fathers name. It worked out well for me ... though my mom didn't like it but that is another story :wink:

If you decide to hyphenate your last name with your new husbands name, you don't have to drop your middle name unless you want to. Personally, I don't like where the tradition came from but I don't see it like that now. I just wanted to be a part of my husband and his family so having his name in some way was important to me. He didn't seem to care either way. But it was just as important to me to keep my Dad's name.

Good luck figuring out what you want to do :hug:

I think it would be interesting to see what others are doing too.

~ WebLady :)

[WhiskeyGirl]

I took my husband's last name. I am very proud of my German heritage but along the way my "old" last name got a little too bastardized and now NO ONE can pronounce it properly! So when my husband came along with a REAL German name (having come originally from Germany six almost seven years ago) I had no problem taking his! To me its not about losing your identity or erasing the person I was before, to me it was about sharing the same last name as my husband! I am bit of a traditionalist, so all those old "traditions" don't bother me! I know who I am, as a woman, as a person and as a wife! I don't think it makes me any less of a person because I no longer have my old last name!

As far as kids go, I couldn't imagine giving my kids a big long last name. (both our lasts together are fourteen letters long!) And I think its only right that they share the exact same last name as their father. (even if they are adopted...lol)

All in all, this is something that a person really needs to decide for themselves. No ones opinions on this matter will change what you have your heart set on! Just remember that you are marrying your husband not his family, and even though you hate them doesn't mean you should punish Sean. (I'm sorry if this offends you, you know I love you to death Lacey!!)

Best wishes,

[Shawna]

I think I will change my name, for a couple of reasons. First off, my last name now is 11 letters and no one ever knows how to spell or pronounce it! So, it would be nice to have a name I don't have to repetedly spell over and over again. Plus, I would like our family (when we have kids) to all have the same name. Although I am very sad to lose the name that has been with me for over 28 years.

[LaceyinPgh]

All in all, this is something that a person really needs to decide for themselves. No ones opinions on this matter will change what you have your heart set on! Just remember that you are marrying your husband not his family, and even though you hate them doesn't mean you should punish Sean. (I'm sorry if this offends you, you know I love you to death Lacey!!)

Best wishes,

If you think that offends me you haven't been hanging around me nearly long enough yet. :hug: I totallly understand what you are saying. I don't see it as punishing Sean as much as I do hanging onto who I believe that I am. (His arguements against it are just ridiculous to me because they don't seem to apply to men.) Our kids should be proud of who their father and his fmaily are. They should also just be allowed to carry around who their mother and her family are as well.

I see nothing wrong with anything that you said. I just know that if I changed my name I would end up regretting it and resenting Sean for forcing me into a choice. Not that I am someone you can force into much.

[CindySue]

Im taking Brian's name. Its the best way to get rid of my ex's. Brian has said that the only reason Im marrying him is to change my name.

[WhiskeyGirl]

If you think that offends me you haven't been hanging around me nearly long enough yet. :hug: I totallly understand what you are saying. I don't see it as punishing Sean as much as I do hanging onto who I believe that I am. (His arguements against it are just ridiculous to me because they don't seem to apply to men.) Our kids should be proud of who their father and his fmaily are. They should also just be allowed to carry around who their mother and her family are as well.

I see nothing wrong with anything that you said. I just know that if I changed my name I would end up regretting it and resenting Sean for forcing me into a choice. Not that I am someone you can force into much.

I knew I probably wouldn't offend you but with all the other things that have been going on in this forum, I just wanted to be careful!!

I can understand the arguement from both sides!! I guess between the two of you you will have to come up with a compromise that you can live with, after all marriage is all about compromises!!

[CindySue]

I had a friend in the town I grew up in and she was in a situation similiar to yours Lacey. She was the last in her family and didnt want to give up her name, he was the last in his.....etc. What they ended up doing and suprisingly both families thought it was neat, was to hyphenate their names and BOTH changed their names.
Dont see your FMiL going for that one though.

[WebLady]

Well Lacey, this is definitely a personal choice. I would never suggest you let anyone push you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with.

My DH didn't seem to care what I did either way ... but I am sure it would have been a different story if I was asking him to change his name. Like I said in the PP, I have seen at least once and heard of a couple of other times where the man takes the woman's name and some cases where the couple makes up a whole new name.

Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do. We will still love you no matter what your name is ... "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"

~ WebLady :)

[LaceyinPgh]

Dont see your FMiL going for that one though.

Which is all the more reason to bring it up now isn't it. (evil laughter inserted here)

[CindySue]

Yeah.....bring it up at the rehearsal dinner and you may not have a FMiL the next day!

[andysgirl07]

I personally cannot wait to change my last name!! My biological father and I haven't spoken in almost five years, and my "step" dad can't adopt me because of the whole "an adult can't adopt an adult" law. So, I'm really excited to take on Andrew's last name!

[rainbowtreat]

For me the choice was easy. I had my moms maiden name as mine. Her an dmy father were not married and he didnt stick around for long. I had said somethign once to my ex husband about having to learn to write a new last name. He said you can keeps yours. But it didnt have alot of meanign to me. So I took his name. I kep it after we got divorced only because I had 2 kids and it would be easier and I didnt want th hassle of changin every thign again. This time I had more to change the when I got married. And I knew one day I might get marreid again and it would all change any way. I am using my maiden name in my wedding only for the fact I dont want my ex's name to ahve any thign to do with my ceremony. Not tha tI hate him caus eI dont we have a real good relationship with each other and tha tis great for the kdis sake. I just dont want to use his name when i am marrying another man. I will take Nicholas last name. It jsut seems right to me. Although his mom had wanted himto change his last name to her maiden name because his father has nothign to do with him and hasn't for a very very long time. But he just didnt see the importance in it and didnt want to bother with the hassle.

Now my problem is gonna be this.... my ex's name and my FH name start with the same letter. I have been using this last name for about 6 1/2 yrs now. I can see me now going to write my new name and it come out as the old one.

[ikkin510]

I am going to be taking my FH's last night. I am very much a traditionalist. That and people can actually pronounce his name...lol.
I know a family where the husband and wife each kept there names. FOr there children every other one would have their mothers and the other's, their fathers. Of course last I knew they had 9 children!

[LaceyinPgh]

Now my problem is gonna be this.... my ex's name and my FH name start with the same letter. I have been using this last name for about 6 1/2 yrs now. I can see me now going to write my new name and it come out as the old one.
But on the upside you won't have to get anything remonogrammed though!

[Jenn060306]

I plan on taking Marks last name. I feel like it's right for me. I get all giddy and stuff thinking about our friends and neighbor's saying.... 'let's go to the R****'s tonight' or having a nice 'R' on the mantle of our fire place. I also feel like it will really make us even more connected. Hyphenating our names would be weird. They wouldn't go well together. B****-R****

Lacey, You could consider taking on Sean's last name for social and family. But keeping your maiden name professionally. My aunt did that because she got married later in life and already had an established career with her maiden name. The only problem she's found is that she never remembers who knows her as what. Virginia B. or Virginia N.

[WebLady]

...Lacey, You could consider taking on Sean's last name for social and family. But keeping your maiden name professionally. My aunt did that because she got married later in life and already had an established career with her maiden name. The only problem she's found is that she never remembers who knows her as what. Virginia B. or Virginia N.

I have heard people doing that before too ... legally change the name but keep the maiden name in everyday life or vice versa.

Best wishes,

~ WebLady :)

[ikkin510]

My boss at the place I worked for a while back did that. I always knew her as one thing 'Smith'. Tthen one day someone called up asking for a lady , same first name, different last. I told them we didnt' have someone with that last name but we had a 'Smith.' The caller was like, yeah, same person. I was all confused!! My boss has to explain it, she never realized I didn't know that!

[courthay]

I'm going to change my last name and I can't wait to do so! :) I like tradition and honestly I never even thought of not taking his name. Even though now that I think about it, his last name is going to be alot more difficult for people to pronouce that what I have now....but still I don't think that would prevent me from taking his name.

[Jamesbabygirl]

I'm going to change my last name and I can't wait to do so! :) I like tradition and honestly I never even thought of not taking his name. Even though now that I think about it, his last name is going to be alot more difficult for people to pronouce that what I have now....but still I don't think that would prevent me from taking his name.
I soo know how you feel..Except my new last name is 10x easier to pronounce than my maiden name