Help Girls! I Have A Predicament

[septemberbride06]

Okaym so my SIL decided they were getting married at a court house (which they did today) originally the plan was to have a "ceremony" next yr. on the 1 yr. anniversary and I was going to throw them a wedding shower then (weird Iknow, but that's how she wanted it)...anyway, they get married this afternoon and she JUST called me to ask me if I could have it this yr. instead...I asked her what date and she says Nove. 10, 2007!!!! I was shocked :whoa: .... I wasn't prepared at all. So, I didn't want to look like an a$$ so I told her it might be possible, but I would need help (of course) she told me she would talk to her new MIL (who just paid for there honeymoon, and took out a loan to cover some of their personal issues), I was left sitting there in awe.... Am I wrong or is it completely inappropriate for her to ASK me to have it this yr. with only a month to prepare at that!!
My hubby told me "NO" and called her back but she didn't answer her phone and hasn't called back....what do I do???
(or what wuld you do). Now I feel obligated cause I told her yes, and Joe says no cause It's too close to now only x0mas but our son's birthday (which we planned on having a party for)

I NEED HELP!!! ahhhhhh!!


thanks girls

[bichonlvr]

I would be honest with her...Tell her that after thinking about it it is too soon, etc. Maybe offer to have it sooner then originally planned, but not before the holidays!

[SerendipityCrafts]

IMHO a shower takes place before the wedding, not after. It also sounds like a gift grab to me.

I would politely decline telling her that you have had some time to think about it and check your schedule :) Looks to me, like you have November & December pretty much booked up.

[bichonlvr]

IMHO a shower takes place before the wedding, not after. It also sounds like a gift grab to me.

I would politely decline telling her that you have had some time to think about it and check your schedule :) Looks to me, like you have November & December pretty much booked up.


Totally agree...if they really want to have a "party" I would call it a reception to honor the bride and groom

[candyt2009]

I would tell her it is to soon

[WebLady]

For one, you are not supose to ask anyone to throw a party for you, let alone a shower! Even if you agreed to do it, she can't just change the plan without warning.

Sounds like she and her new hubby just realized they needed stuff :snide:

If you can't do it when she wants it then you just can't; I would tell her you need more time or she can get someone else to do it.

[septemberbride06]

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. I came to you guys because I knew I could depend on you to give me honest advice.
I did try to e-mail her this morning to tell her that I was sorry but that it just didn't allow me any time to plan. I also put a "read notice" attached to see when she read it and I get a message back saying "read, but deleted" so I guess she is a little upset.
I feel horrible, but at the same time how can she expect me to be able to do this?? none of Joe's family helped with my shower, wedding, OR
baby shower :hothead: !!!
Anyway, just wanted to update..thanks everyone

[WebLady]

Sorry she seems ticked, but maybe it will blow over. I wouldn't feel too bad about it, she is the one that put you in the awkward position.

[shawnsgirl]

Oh my..I couldn't imagine asking someone to throw a shower for me...Please don't feel bad..You shouldn't feel obligated to do this. Plus, to call you out of the blue my goodness. If she wants to have a shower (which is before the wedding not after) that would be fore her and her DH to throw which would be called a reception..lol..If I were you I would try not to feel bad. You are a good friend by supporting her marraige and the offer you previously had in place...However, she changed the plans not you!!

[SerendipityCrafts]

I know some of you ladies knew when your shower(s) were to be held and some of you even had a say the planning but, I had always thought that it was supposed to be a surprise to the bride-to-be. It also used to be a no no for the bride's mom to throw it.

Am I that far behind the times? LOL

[EarlyBird]

hehe my mom always said it was always a surprise too- i wont be allowed to know anything about it- :) she has already made that crystal clear- In the italian tradition the MOB throws the shower but i think thats b/c us italians are contrl freaks (im 100% so im not bashing anyone but myself here!) - i think it is a no no in every other tradition.

[septemberbride06]

I'm Italian too..lol..and I understand about the control freak thing as well.
Joe's family are all the same..when they see an opportunity to make $$ they get stars in their eyes. She actually called us back and said that she will find somone else to throw the shower..she only offered to me cause she thought I would be upset if she didn't..lol...anyway, I really do wanna be there for her but this just isn't the right time.

[shawnsgirl]

I know some of you ladies knew when your shower(s) were to be held and some of you even had a say the planning but, I had always thought that it was supposed to be a surprise to the bride-to-be. It also used to be a no no for the bride's mom to throw it.

Am I that far behind the times? LOL

No, Elizabeth you are not that far behind the times. The last wedding I was in the bride only wanted, well requested to know the date and nothing else because she hates surprises..She's was a total controlling bridezilla type during the planning of her wedding, so it may be of no comparison. Still the times still call for the MOH and/or Bm's to throw the shower. I know my gals included my mom in on the plans so she knew what all was going on and that was it..

However, my MIL and SIL threw me a shower too. It's a little different because Shawn's entire family lives 4 hours away though...That way his family could participate in the pre wedding festivities too.

[Nekochanpurr]

I'll know the time and probably go with mom/grandma or someone to pick up invites, or something.. Its usually a whole family thing in my family, lol.

I don't know how it'll work if Steves mom still wants to throw me one.. O.o;;