missed sister

[Teribridetobe]

:bbcry: [COLOR="Navy"]I will try to make along story short. My older sister and I grew up very close. We lost our mother at a young age. I eventually moved away.but, always kept intouch with her. sending cards at the holidays and birthdays ect. Always phoned. then after a long while i was feeling like i was the only one putting in the effort in our relationship.so i backed away.She finally called me to say she was moving an hour away from me. I was very excited about that. However she has lived near me for two years and has not called me. She sent me a christmas card this year. I have yet to respond to it. I have mixed emotions. I want to ask why she hasn't picked up the phone in two years?. My wedding is coming up in a few months. I love her but and want her to be apart of it. I also want to let her know that i am hurt by her distance.I don't know where to start. COLOR]

[WebLady]

I would just write her a letter. Tell her about your life and ask about her's. Tell her you miss her and how you guys use to be close. Don't 'jump' on her, just see what happens and if she replies and then go from there.

Sadly, sometimes friends and family grow apart, people change and get caught up in their own life.

I use to have this really great friend in high school and we kept in touch for a long time after even when she moved to another state. But over the last few years we have lost touch and now we don't talk but we still send each other Christmas cards. Every now and then I want to call or write to her but, I know we have different lives now and I just don't know what I would talk to her about now.

I have a decent relationship with my sister but not as good as I would like. We live 5 miles from each other but again, our lives are different. Sometimes we talk and/or see either a couple of times a week then others we won't talk or see other for like a month. I still love her and I want to be close and I want to continue to be a part of her life and I want my niece to know me. But I know we will always be different. Even when we do hang out, we always do things that work for her or that she wants to do. Sometimes it bugs me

Sorry for rambling on there ... Best wishes to you!

~ WebLady :)

[bnd94]

Yep I agree with Weblady. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and forget about the past, pick up the phone and call the girl! I am sure she misses you as much as you miss her. Everyone's lives are so busy nowadays so call her and tell her you miss her and plan a visit. Be honest with her and tell her how her silence has hurt you. I am sure you can work it out.;)

[usahgrad]

I am with Weblady, a letter might be easier for her to get through than a conversation. I have a sister, I know how defensive we can be when our sisters accuse us of something, even if it true.

Here's my thing, with all the problems I've had with my sister, I would feel ABSOLUTELY terrible if she wasn't in my wedding. I was terrified at the prospect that she might be in jail for my wedding (long story--still a possibility) because I know no matter how much the things she does drive me crazy, she's still my sister. Even if she's frustrating me now, I know if she isn't in the wedding at some point I'll look back and regret that.

I would definitely contact her (and I would go with a letter first) and take it from there. But if it were me, I'd also DEFINITELY plan for her to be in my wedding. My sister's not my maid of honor, but she's the second in line. But that's just what I would do. I know it's a tough situation. Good luck!

[Teribridetobe]

I would feel more comfortable with communicating through a letter. Thank you all for your advice. Time to suck it up and make a move in a positive direction. ;)

[Tiggerprincess]

:bbcry: [COLOR="Navy"]I will try to make along story short. My older sister and I grew up very close. We lost our mother at a young age. I eventually moved away.but, always kept intouch with her. sending cards at the holidays and birthdays ect. Always phoned. then after a long while i was feeling like i was the only one putting in the effort in our relationship.so i backed away.She finally called me to say she was moving an hour away from me. I was very excited about that. However she has lived near me for two years and has not called me. She sent me a christmas card this year. I have yet to respond to it. I have mixed emotions. I want to ask why she hasn't picked up the phone in two years?. My wedding is coming up in a few months. I love her but and want her to be apart of it. I also want to let her know that i am hurt by her distance.I don't know where to start. COLOR]
i am sorry This has happened between you and your sister...It is not right that she hasnt bothered to contact you since she moved..i cannot believe It! Does she always expect you to be instigator of it all?I would jump all over her when she finally does decide to call you..Hang in there..What ecen worse is when your brother lived in the same house and ignored you like you didnt exsist..I can honestly say i know how you feel and am truly feelin for you..I cant imagin how much this must hurt..My heart really does go out 2 you..

[Jamesbabygirl]

i am sorry This has happened between you and your sister...It is not right that she hasnt bothered to contact you since she moved..i cannot believe It! Does she always expect you to be instigator of it all?I would jump all over her when she finally does decide to call you..Hang in there..What ecen worse is when your brother lived in the same house and ignored you like you didnt exsist..I can honestly say i know how you feel and am truly feelin for you..I cant imagin how much this must hurt..My heart really does go out 2 you..
Ok..That sounded harsh..What I really meant to say was...I am very sorry this happened between you and your sister...Maybe she is going through a lot right now.You mentioned your mom dying correct? Maybe she is still deealing with the pain..Do a search on the net to find her..then contact her a tell her how you feel...she'll understand...after all she is your sister and knows your heart very well.......

[Teribridetobe]

Hey Gals!

I finally put a letter in the mail to my sister yesterday. I feel really good about it!!! :D I will let you all know if i hear anything back!! I am praying it all goes well!
Teri

[CindySue]

I hope everything goes well for you.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I hope you recieve the answers you are looking for!! I wish you the best of luck!!

[WebLady]

Wishing you well :goodluck:

[usahgrad]

Lots of luck!

[AngelinLove]

Good Luck!!!

[Teribridetobe]

:) Thank You All!!!!;)

[WhiskeyGirl]

Have you heard from your sister yet?

[Teribridetobe]

Not yet!! Though i only put it in the mail on the 26th. I hope i hear soon!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

THats too bad! Maybe she needs some time to sort out what she is thinking! Or perhaps she is doing the same as you and writing down her thoughts and sending you a letter as well. Give her time and if you haven't heard from her, break the silence and give her a call!! best wishes!

[WebLady]

Not yet!! Though i only put it in the mail on the 26th. I hope i hear soon!!

That isn't too long ago ... I am sure things will work out :hug:

Best wishes :D

[CarlosHoney]

So? What's happening? Any word? :)

[Teribridetobe]

Hi Gals!!!

Sorry I haven't been here in awhile. I hope to be back more often. I have not yet heard from my sister. What do i do now?? I do i just send her a save the date card and invitation anyways???

[WhiskeyGirl]

Does she have an email addy? Send her an email asking why she NEVER replyed to your letter! If that doesn't work, call her!! It is not fair that she does not respond to you!! Tell her that at this time in your life you have enough stress and some support from her would be a greatly appreciated thing!! Or at least an answer to a letter wouldn't be that hard would it?! I wish you the best of luck!! Just remember not to hit that send button if you doubt what you have written or it isn't at least polite what you wrote!! Best of Luck Terri!!

[bnd94]

Hi Gals!!!

Sorry I haven't been here in awhile. I hope to be back more often. I have not yet heard from my sister. What do i do now?? I do i just send her a save the date card and invitation anyways???

I am sorry she hasn't gotten back to you. I would send her a save the date card and invite anyway. I think I would try to call her once, you never know mail gets lost sometimes. Other than that I wouldn't let it get to you. You already have so much on your plate right now to stress you out and you don't want to add to it. I wish you luck! ;)

[WebLady]

I am so sorry your sister hasn't made an effort to respond to you. If she has an email I might email her like Shawna said, maybe call if you are worried about lost mail or if she doesn't check her email, but I wouldn't beg. I know it is hard and it hurts (believe me) when your family doesn't seem to want to be a part of your life and/or cause problems. But, if she doesn't want to be a part of your life then just let her be ... you don't need the added drama.

Both my DH and I have family that we don't talk to and sometimes I wish we were closer to them but that is just the way it goes sometimes. I still send birthday and Christmas cards to them (you might still send her an invite to the wedding) but, I leave it at that and I would say you might should do the same and just move on with your life. Let her make the next move if there is to be one.

Good luck :hug:

[Teribridetobe]

I agree. I think i have spent to much of my energy trying to have a relationship with her. I will call her tonight and settle what ever is going on. And yes, I will be on my best behavoir!! I will let you all know what happens!

Teri:bbconfused:

[Valmai]

Hope all went ok hun xxx

[CarlosHoney]

So????? :)

[CindySue]

So????? :)

Yeah me too!!!

?????????????

[wolf4091]

i honestly know how you feel. i have siblings that didnt lift a finger to send a christmas card or otherwise and i was the one doing all the writing sending gifts etc. i stopped. relationships should not be one sided. i'd start with the wedding and be as positive as possible. without accusations just simply say i havent heard from you in awhile and i miss you something along those lines. who knows what she's been through maybe some tough times. she clearly is happy about what's going on at present and bothered to tell you she was moving closer which suggests she does care. she may just not want to smother you and feels her emotion towards you is understood, so why express it? it is a proven fact that people remember the very first thing we say and the very last that we say to them. as long as she doesnt think you're pointing the finger at her she should be more than willing to keep those lines of communication open. good luck!!

[WhiskeyGirl]

Hey Terri,

How did things go with your phone call with your sister?? Man, I hope everything went well!! Hope your doing good Kiddo!! take care!!

Shawna

[Teribridetobe]

Hey Gals!!

I finally talked to my sister. I picked up the phone. At first she said she didn't know how to respond to my letter. Then she freaked for about one hour. Angry at everything. Things aren't going well on the home front for her. My friends think she need to vent to you but did it in a very negative way. She went on to say that i sounded like i had some issues. That i needed help. Mean while shes the one yelling?? She said she was mad that i sent a letter. said it was very inmature on my part and that she has always been there for us and that something that is that important deserves a phone call. and that sisters don't treat eachother that. I had a few gals read my letter and they said it sounded positive. I stayed away from finger pointing. She also told me to read between the lines. Some how she took it the wrong way. I pulled the letter up and re read it and i said i don't know where you are getting any of this from. Then to sum it up.. She said maybe i could of called you and just let the words come out.I must say i cryed sooooo very hard during our conversation well the part where she freaked for an hour.I told her i felt stupid for crying but at the time i was not expecting this kindof reaction. She says i respect you for calling. Though now i don't respect her for acting like a child. She did not handle herself very good at all. Then she acted as if nothing happended and still is wanting to be apart of the wedding scene. So i just need to let it all go (be the adult) and go on. We are starting to communicate more. I find she is opening up about her personal life more where as before she put on a show. and pretended things were ok.
So I can't give you all the details of our conversation. Because i would be here for a very long time.
Thanks of hanging in there waiting for my reply.

[CindySue]

Teri, Im glad you were able to connect with your sister. It make take a little while to work through all of the issues at hand but at least you do have a start. While I dont know the entire story between you and your sister, I can relate to how she been acting. When things werent going right in my life, I shut everybody out instead of talking about my problems. Maybe thats what she was doing and just didnt realize how bad she was hurting you.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm glad you had a talk with your sister!! Communication is the key!! She probably feels like you launched a personal attack on her! She also does not sound like she is too stable right now! Don't take it personally! Just remember to keep the lines of communication open!! I wish you the best of luck Hun!!

[WebLady]

Sorry to hear things didn't go over as smoothly as you would have liked ... maybe things will be different now. Sometimes we all have to 'suck it up' and forget about the past in order to move forward.

For me, I have come to realize that the relationships I have with my family may never be what I would like them to be but I have to either accept them for what they are and try not to let the 'bad times' affect my life so much. Or just not have a relationship with my family at all. My husband says it should be like any other friendship relationship ... we have some people in our lives that we get along great with and we can talk to about anything and everything with; then there are others that we can only talk about the weather with. You can care about your family and talk to them but not get too involved in their personal lives ... if that makes any sense ;)

I wish you all the best :hug:

[rainbowtreat]

I am with the rest of them. I am glad you talked to her and I am sorry for how things turned out. But it's a start right? I wish you the best of luck.

We can't pick our family. I like mine just where they are. 7 hours away. That may sound harsh but I am nothing like my family. When we are together it is great but if we saw each other all the time it wouldn't be as good.

[Shawna Bride]

As long as you keep an open mind and an open heart, you will be just fine.
I'm proud of you for making this step.
You will not regret it.

[Teribridetobe]

Update..

My sister and I are communicating daily now. She even calls me! Thats big! I am really happy that she is putting effort into our relationship!
Thanks everyone for your kind words!

[CindySue]

Update..

My sister and I are communicating daily now. She even calls me! Thats big! I am really happy that she is putting effort into our relationship!
Thanks everyone for your kind words!
Thats great!!!! Maybe she was just too scared and/or ashamed to reach out to you 1st.

[ikkin510]

That's wonderful! I'm glad things are going well for you two.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Awesome!! I am so glad you have worked things out!! Take care!