Rehearsal Dinner

[OctoberWed]

Ok, so here's my question. My future in-laws are planning the rehearsal dinner. It is a sit down dinner at a formal, fancy italian restaurant and there will be approximately 30 guests. I was under the impression that they would be picking up the entire tab, as this is what was discussed previously. However, they mentioned yesterday that they won't be picking up the bar tab but will expect each person to pay for their own drinks. Where this is a sit down, formal dinner that is supposed to be a thank you to our attendants, I find it rude to ask them to pay for their own drinks. What is everyone else's opinion on this?

Also, if they do decide to do a cash bar, would it be rude for my FH and I to allow it to be open bar and pick up the tab for everyone?

Any thoughts and/or comments on this would be appreciated!

[samantha01]

I don't see anything wrong with your parents not wanting to pay for the bar tab. If it is in your budget, i would advise the bar tender that you and your FH will be picking up the bar tab and let the parents pay for dinner.

[KMS]

I've never been to a rehearsal dinner that wasn't completely payed for...bar and all. I don't have a huge problem with cash bars at weddings, but I think that the rehearsal dinner is in a different category. If they're not going to pay for the bar, then I would probably try to cover the bill. If you would like to try to cut down on the bill, maybe you could limit the choices that your guests have. Good luck. That's an uncomfortable situation!

[Joe's girl]

First of all let me ask is the dinner the night before the wedding? If so open bar is out of the question...went to a rehearsel where the MOH and BM got so drunk they were very sick the day of the wedding you do not want people intoxicated before your wedding. If it is not the night before then I would pay for it. I also think if it is at a fancy italian place maybe having bottle's of red and white wine at each of the table's would be a great idea. Buy a case of that and if they dont like wine they could go get their own drinks. would be a cheaper solution. I keep reading about cash bars and people not wanting to spend on liquor but that really puts a damper on a party. most people need a drink or two to get the party rolling.

[Elly_N_Joe]

We had a cash bar at our rehearsal dinner, although this is a thank you dinner for the attendants, most of our understood that the expense of it is great, and to add the liquor would just be outrageous. Just think if every guest has 1 beer, the tab is at least $120, where as they are going to limit themselves if they have to pay for themselves. Also remember that this is a dinner, not a drinking function...

Another option is to do what we did and have the bacholorette/bachlor parties the night before, and noone will want to drink, there were 2 beers ordered!! lol

[Goin2thechapel]

At my rehearsal dinner we had a cash bar. Pretty much every rehearsal dinner I've been to has been cash bar...If you really want everything paid for then I don't think it would be bad for you and your FH to pick up the bar tab..

[OctoberWed]

Thanks for all of your insight. The rehearsal is the night before the wedding, and while we don't anticipate a TON of drinking, we're fairly young (24) and most of our friends in the wedding do plan on drinking and having a little bit of fun the night before the wedding. I really just can't picture asking them to pay for their own drinks at a nice fancy restaurant--I think its tacky! I dont know what we'll end up doing, but if necessary me and my FH will end up picking up the tab--I feel its the right thing to do!

[WebLady]

In my experience, the cash bar thing is becoming more and more common. Plus I am sure the cost of the formal dinner for 30 ppl is expense enough. Liquor is not cheap; and I wouldn't dream of asking my in laws to pay for it if they didn't want to. I know I wouldn't want to pay for someone else to get buzzed at my party :p

Maybe you can talk to your future in laws about a compromise, maybe get a few bottles of champagne and having a little toast.

:goodluck:

[shawnsgirl]

For our rehearsal dinner my in laws set a tab of X amount and once the tab was reached then it was a cash bar.

However, I think it is perfectly ok to offer water, tea, coffee, and maybe soda for your guests. If they prefer to have alcohol they can pay for it themselves. Nothing requires you at a rehearsal dinner to pay for your guests alcohol..

[Joe's girl]

The cash bar is definitly tacky, I don't care who is doing it more and more. The rehearsel dinner is really only for the immediate family, the wedding party, and close out of town guests. I understand that it could get out of hand with a pay as you go bar. I would do pitchers of sangria and bottles of wine. its already on the table adn cut it short like a 2 hour max affair.

[WebLady]

As with all traditions, etiquette and all; you really just have to do what you feel is right for you in your situation. You can't make everyone happy all the time anyway, and it is often too stressing to try.

Me personally, I don't usually worry too much with what someone else might think (I guess it depends) I usually just do what I want and what I can afford. I wouldn't expect anything different from my friends and family; if I don't like what they are doing then I either deal or I just don't attend the event. But hey, that is just me ;) I am certainly no "Bree Van DeKamp" :bblol:

[samantha01]

As with all traditions, etiquette and all; you really just have to do what you feel is right for you in your situation. You can't make everyone happy all the time anyway, and it is often too stressing to try.

Me personally, I don't usually worry too much with what someone else might think (I guess it depends) I usually just do what I want and what I can afford. I wouldn't expect anything different from my friends and family; if I don't like what they are doing then I either deal or I just don't attend the event. But hey, that is just me ;) I am certainly no "Bree Van DeKamp" :bblol:

(Bree Van DeKamp) I LOVE IT.....good one.
Me neither. I def. wouldn't go broke trying to liquor people up. This is coming from someone that is having rehearsal dinner at my SIL's house and having a homemade Italian dinner and no alcohol.

[bichonlvr]

I agree that it is a Thank You to people. Can you just do white wine, red wine, and beer? I don't think you need to have a full open bar, but I would not ask people to pay for their drinks unless they want to walk up to the bar and get their own.

Usually, you can have the waiter only offer a few drink options to keep the cost down.

And, Yes, I think you and your FH can pick up the tab if you go that route!

I have been in 6 weddings and have NEVER had a cash bar at a RD! And we had tons of fun at the RD!!!

[WebLady]

I was just thinking back to the one RD I have ever been to (many years ago mind you) and they had a champagne toast and that was it. So maybe that is another option for you to keep the bar cost down.

[shawnsgirl]

Most of the rehearsal dinners I have gone to I have very low key..I understand it is a thank you to your close family, bridal party, and any out of town guests...Perhaps you could even look at different options to make it more affordable. We actually had ours at the hotel where the wedding reception was held and it was very low key and casual. We had a wonderful buffet dinner, and like I said before my in laws just put a tab down. Once the tab was met then the guests were more than welcome to go and pay for alcohol at their own expense and everyone was fine with that. Our tables each had water, iced tea and they could get any soda or coffe that they wished which was included in the per person cost...

Maybe it's just me but why even bother serving alcohol at a rehearsal dinner. It's a dinner not a party technically speaking...I guess this is just me and my views but I just don't understand why there is a need for alcohol to even be served..

I wouldn't have had it at mine except for DH's family likes their wine and it was my FIL's idea to do run a tab. Otherwise my guest at the rehearsal would have had soda, iced tea, water, and coffee to drink. If we wouldn't have served alcohol I don't think it even would have mattered!

[SouthernQueenBride]

I don't see anything wrong with your parents not wanting to pay for the bar tab. If it is in your budget, i would advise the bar tender that you and your FH will be picking up the bar tab and let the parents pay for dinner.

I agree with Samantha. I think it is different since it is the rehearsal dinner but I always advise to NO cash bars at the actual reception. Every rehearsal dinner that I have been to at a restaraunt has been "pay for your own alcholic drinks". If you have it in your budget to pick up the tab - then heck yeah do it! But I am sure that you have other things that you could use that money for. Just My opinion. I hope everything works out great for you.

[RevMatty]

The problem I see with a bar the night before, and I stress this to my couples, is this; Hangovers, by law if your hungover or your witnesses are then a minister by all means can't marry you. So I suggest to the party to drink wthin reason.

[Joe's girl]

The problem I see with a bar the night before, and I stress this to my couples, is this; Hangovers, by law if your hungover or your witnesses are then a minister by all means can't marry you. So I suggest to the party to drink wthin reason.

Thats what happened to my friend, they married her, but her BM and MOH were a total waste!

[RevMatty]

Thats what happened to my friend, they married her, but her BM and MOH were a total waste!
I had one where the best man never showed, potponed almost an hour, and that was a breach of my contract, but the nice guy I am, I waited and they just had another fill in his place.

[KMS]

The problem I see with a bar the night before, and I stress this to my couples, is this; Hangovers, by law if your hungover or your witnesses are then a minister by all means can't marry you. So I suggest to the party to drink wthin reason.

Hmmm That's interesting!

[Measha]

I'd have to agree with Shawnsgirl. Alchohol isn't so terribley important to a good time, after all. A few bottles of wine, or a toast would suffice.

And as others have said, it'd also depend on budget. I for one couldn't afford it.