Grooms WOMAN attire?

[keri_rae]

If a man has women (Groomswomen) standing up on his side - who picks their attire? Do they match the bridesmaids? Does that mean the groom has a say in the bridesmaids attire???

HELP!

[EarlyBird]

honestly there are a couple ways to do this. obviously, she could wear a womens suit, but that will leave 3 different clothing types for your bp and thats a little much IMO. but honestly i would have her wear bridesmaids outfit and have her stand on the grooms side. personally my fh is having a say in the bm gowns but its up to you.

[Nekochanpurr]

I think it would be really cute for her to be in a womans suit, actually. =D Sorry, random spammage..

[WebLady]

The few times I have seen this, the woman wore a long black bridesmaid type dress, but did not match the actual bridesmaids.

[keri_rae]

Well, here's where the question comes from. FH has 2 groomswomen and I have 2 bridesmen. The males on my side will match the groomsmen. In return, I asked that the groomswomen match my bridesmaids. The bridesmaids have all been asked to find a formal long black gown. They have to have it run by FH and I for an ok but otherwise can pick it out themselves. FH thinks the the groomswomen should be able to wear whatever they want AND get the dress whenever they want (If that means 2 weeks before the wedding, oh well.) I'm not very happy with this. I think the "rules" I'm asking them to follow as far as dresses are very lenient already. It's so frustrating! Am I being too demanding? FH keeps saying they are HIS attendents - like I'm trying to steal them or some such which I think is just silly. Grr.

[EarlyBird]

here is soething i have seen. have the men that are on your side stand with your bridesmaids but dressed like the guys and the women on his side stand on his side with other groomsmen. Kind of have them paired up and scattered. My fsil/fbil did this where it stood gm/bm/gm/bm on the brides side and gm/bm/gm/bm on the grooms side. they were necessarily "groomswomen" but they stood with who they were there for (IE- Her bro stood on her side with her sis as his "partner")
it would look kind of like this

GM GM
BM officant BM
GM GM
BM MOH Bride Groom BESTM BM

[EarlyBird]

Wait. That Was Supposed To Look Different.. Hold On Let Me Do It Again.. Give Me A Sec

[EarlyBird]

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j277/vanamarieG/gmbm.jpg

sorry i had to make this real quick so it might be a bit confusing. hope it helps!

[keri_rae]

Early - thats exactly what we are doing. My Brother and BIL are standing on my side and two girls that are like sisters to him will stand on his side. It's the dang attire that's causing issues.

[EarlyBird]

i would say for the sake of everything looking nice have all guys wear the same thing and all girls wear the same thing. Maybe you could do something wear the girls on your side wear a dress in one style and the girls on his side wear a dress in another style, but all the same color. i really think they need to match as much as possibile!

[EarlyBird]

When you say your BIL you mean its either your sis or bro's husband right? your not having FH stand on your side are you ? (just wondering)
We are not doing it this way necessarily, where our appropriate people stand with bride and groom. But we are doing how i showed in the drawing and my bro is very close with FH but he requested that he stand as close to me on that day so he will be on my side.

[StJohnBride]

One of my friend's DH's had a woman stand up. Her girls wore pink, his girl wore the same dress in black (to match the other guys' tuxes).

[WebLady]

I don't think the girls on the groom's side need to match your bridesmaids. I think if anything they should blend in with the guys wearing tuxes. Since you are having all the girls wear black dresses and choose their own, then I don't really see a problem; why can't his girls pic a black dress too.

Maybe the issue FH is having is that all the girls are wearing black and he feels his girls shouldn't have to do what your girls are doing. Traditional grooms attendants wear a tux, the only logical option (IMO at least) for a female grooms attendant is a black dress; this way it gives all the attendants sort of a "black tie" formal look.

The guys on your side will wear tuxes right? They are bound to match the groomsmen, unless you get tuxes in a slightly different style for them and/or a different color vest/tie for your guys.

Or maybe you could have the grooms girls do black and white, or have your girls do black and white. Would something like that solve the problem?

There is nothing wrong with asking either/all girls to get their dresses by a certain date (within reason) and to show them to you guys to make sure you feel they are appropriate for the feel of your wedding. But if you do not trust the people in your wedding party, then they probably don't need to be there KWIM.

:goodluck:

[twu]

FH thinks the the groomswomen should be able to wear whatever they want AND get the dress whenever they want (If that means 2 weeks before the wedding, oh well.) I'm not very happy with this. I think the "rules" I'm asking them to follow as far as dresses are very lenient already. It's so frustrating! Am I being too demanding? FH keeps saying they are HIS attendents - like I'm trying to steal them or some such which I think is just silly. Grr.

That sounds pretty unreasonable to me. I think it's okay if the groomswomen wear dresses in a different color from your bridesmaids (as long as it's one of your wedding colors and you approve it). And, as WebLady has stated, it's appropriate for the groomswomen to wear black dresses as well. What isn't appropriate is that FH thinks they can get the dress whenever they want without approval.

It sounds like FH is being too territorial about this. I think your bridesmaids and groomswomen are going to be thrilled enough that they get to pick their own black dress rather than be at the mercy of some vibrant, poofy sleeved atrocity. I think you are being very lenient as far as this goes.

[EarlyBird]

are you friends at all with his GW? maybe they will understand as women how important this is and if he says "they should pick what they want" say Fine and talk to them. if they are half reasonable you should be able to say, well i dont want you guys to feel uncomfortable and out of place (And since they are standing boy/girl they probably wont) and tell them FH thinks you should pick you own attire, so all i ask is that it is X color or Y color and i really would prefer (short or long whichever you like)"
It should be that simple with them. they are girls and they will probably laugh that FH find the attire so "strict" - OH GUYS!!!

[Jess]

I'm actually going to have a groomswoman in my wedding. And she is going to wear the same dresses as my bridesmaids, but in black, to match the tuxes. My BMs will be wearing red.

[keri_rae]

Thank y'all for all the responses - it's been food for thought.

To answer the color question - the men are wearing alllllll black. Black tux, vest, tie, shirt. The GW and bridesmaids were simply asked to pick a formal, long black dress. Any style - just have it approved and either bought or ordered by Sept 15th. (basically we're looking to make sure it's not too slinky or that it doesn't have a lot of "bling" especially cause my dress and jewlery is very muted.) The reason for the date is that if they cannot find a dress in a store the latest they can order from our Bridal shop and have it in time is This coming Saturday. Therefore, I do think the date is reasonable. (Wedding is Dec 22)

I agree with whoever said FH is being territorial. He acts like I'm attacking his GW by asking of them what I ask of the bridesmaids as far as attire. He even told me it wasn't fair to ask the same of the GW as the bridesmaids. He also told me he thought I was probably abraisive when I asked them. Again, I think a total overreaction being as I've been pretty super nice about the attendent attire. I litterally had to show him the email I had sent out for him to admit I wasn't a total jerk about it. I know he sees these girls like sisters but him thinking he needs to protect them from me or that I'm trying to steal them is just . . . well ridiculous. I think it also causes trouble between the GW and myself. (I think they exasperate it by running to FH every time they don't like something. i.e. having a set date they need a dress by instead of talking to me at all - they also even told FH not to let me pick out the dresses because they might be ugly.) I don't want to be at odds with these girls. I'm actually pretty friendly with them. But - argh! FH is one of those guys that likes people he cares about to be happy. Sometimes I think that puts him in bad situations. Cause you can't make everyone happy all the time. I feel sorry for himi while ranting about him haha. I am very frustrated here.

My super wonderful amazing Matron of Honor (my sister) helped me out though. She sent out an email to each bridesmaid and GW reminded them of the date and what not. It seems to have evoke some response.

Although, one of the GW did go to FH about it and whined. So FH came to me and we kind of had it out. I know he loves the GW. I like them. But it is NOT their wedding. He finally agreed that I was not being terrible and they needed dresses by Sat. In return I agreed not to say anything or be upset until Sunday if they don't have dresses. Then I can talk to FH and he can deal with the GW.

It's one of those things that kinda has resolve but I'm still peeved about it. haha, and I swore I wouldn't be bridezilla..... That's my rant ladies. Thanks for not hanging me for being moody. :whyme:

[twu]

(I think they exasperate it by running to FH every time they don't like something. i.e. having a set date they need a dress by instead of talking to me at all - they also even told FH not to let me pick out the dresses because they might be ugly.) I don't want to be at odds with these girls. I'm actually pretty friendly with them.



Arghhhhh. This is very frustrating to me because it sounds like the GW don't trust you and are poised to an antagonistic relationship with you. The thing to remember is that it is your wedding. You're the one in the white dress. No one is going to give a flying **** about what any other girl in the room is wearing. Why the GW are such prima donnas about their dresses is beyond me.


Perhaps I just have an inflated sense of entitlement, but YOU should come first because it is your wedding, because it is your FH. Your FH trying to make his GW happy is making you upset, so who really comes first? And is something as simple as just showing you the dress they pick out themselves worth your FH sticking up for? You are already being extremely lenient on the dress issue.

[WebLady]

Yeah, I would have a talk with FH about sticking up for the GW and trying to make them happy over you. This kind of thing could cause more problems in the marriage later down the road.

As for the girls, why did they agree to be in the wedding if they are gonna have such a fit about what they are wearing. Would they rather wear a tux like the rest of the groomsmen?

As far as the date you want them to have dresses by; is it really necessary to be so close when your wedding isn't until December? I know typical bridesmaids dresses might have to be ordered a take a while to come in and be altered. But I would think a simple long black evening dress should be fairly easy to find.

But when it comes down to it, if one of them ends up wearing a dress that is a bit too "showy", they will be the ones that look bad and get talked about. But really if I was that worried they would wear something inappropriate, I would not have them in my wedding.

Weddings really shouldn't cause so much stress.

Good luck with all this!

[WendyNC]

It sounds like the standards are already pretty "relaxed" so I can't understand what they are whining about!!!

FYI - My friend had a male attendant on her side, and he wore a different color flower than the other groomsmen, I thought that was nice.

[keri_rae]

So - I go to look at the GW attire tonight. Turns out both of them already had formal black dresses! Argh. Hopefully they're fine - which I'm thinking they will be.

All of that fuss for dresses they had hanging in their closet...:hothead:

[twu]

So - I go to look at the GW attire tonight. Turns out both of them already had formal black dresses! Argh. Hopefully they're fine - which I'm thinking they will be.

All of that fuss for dresses they had hanging in their closet...:hothead:

hahaha, *headdesk*

[BrideMissy]

My FH is having a female best man (we're calling her his Honour Attendant) and she is being dressed the same as my MOH and BM... they're all wearing Alfred Angelo seperates, same skirt, but get to choose the top of their choice (they're all different shapes & sizes) but all in black.