Gift Registry Etiquette?

[JanelleWaters]

We have been toying with the idea of using an online wishing well to receive cash contributions instead of receiving physical gifts at our wedding. Of course we would not welcome gifts but we feel that receiving the cash could go to something more useful such as our honeymoon, car or house downpayment.

What are your thoughts?

We have been thinking of using this the "OurWishingWell" service

Has anyone used it yet?

Has anyone use any others?

Looking forward to your thoughts...

[frenchie]

I know in France there are 2 different registries with several stores that get together so that people can buy you a gift online, or in the store, and no matter where they buy it, you can go pick your gift up at the local store or have it posted to you, or use the money they spent on the gift toward something else on or off your list.
They can also give money toward a larger gift.
I'm sure they have lists like that.
For us it's perfect because our guests come from everywhere and they can just shop online or in their local shops and we won't have to worry about transporting everything.
A wishing well IS kind of like saying "cash gifts only" and besides you'd need to read the fine print and make sure they're not taking too much of your gift money in return for their service.

[70707Bride]

I haven't heard of that but have heard of wanting cash for a gift instead. We kinda wanted to do that, but didn't know how to without it sounding rude. Turns out we didn't need to, we got a bunch of cash, a couple thousand $. We were really thankful for it too, basically if we just got a card from someone, it had cash or a check in there, or they got us a gift. One or other, sometimes we just got a card and that was great too!

[gennymac]

We have actually been asked this by some of our friends and I simply have not found a classy, graceful, or dignified way of stating that cash would be appreciated - or preferred. I've asked any number of etiquette experts online and they all say the same - it's just not done - if people want to give you cash, say thank you just like any other gift.

Gen

[bichonlvr]

If you REALLY want to do somehting like this I think it would be a better idea to pick one of those places that you get to put things you would like and people send them $$ for those things, they take a few, but you get the $$.

For example: you put down you want dinner for 2 for your HM, you post a pic decided how much it will be and someone buy syou that! Or you want to go surfing on your HM, you post a pic of surfboards, put a price and someone buys you that! You still get the $$$, but it is not as tacky to ask for $$$$!!!

Some people have MAJOR issues with asking for money, do what you want, but don't be mad if you don't get as many thoughtful gifts, people tend to get turned off by just sending cash!

[WebLady]

As far a etiquette goes I don't think there is anything wrong with this kind of thing as long as it is worded right.

I have seen people do honeymoon or new home registries on sites similar to the one mentioned in the opening post here.

For example: you put down you want dinner for 2 for your HM, you post a pic decided how much it will be and someone buy syou that! Or you want to go surfing on your HM, you post a pic of surfboards, put a price and someone buys you that! You still get the $$$, but it is not as tacky to ask for $$$$!!!

I have heard of using PayPal as a cash registry, and doing something like this ;)

[StJohnBride]

I'm sorry - I'm afraid to say I think this is rude. As a guest I don't want to give them cash to buy a house. If I CHOOSE to give money, that's on me. I can write a check. For the bride and groom to tell me how and where to give my money is a little too much for me. JMO.

[WebLady]

I'm sorry - I'm afraid to say I think this is rude. As a guest I don't want to give them cash to buy a house. If I CHOOSE to give money, that's on me. I can write a check. For the bride and groom to tell me how and where to give my money is a little too much for me. JMO.
You are definitely entitled to your opinion and many others may share it, and please don't take this as an attack on your opinion. But just to play "devil's advocate" for a sec ... isn't a regular registry also like the couple telling you how and where to give your money ;)

The way I personally look at it is that they are making it easy for me to give them a gift they will need/want/use. Now if someone I barley know sends me any kind of registry info I am usually a little offended, but that is another topic ;)

But all in all, I think it really just depends on how traditional you want to be and how worried you are about "proper" etiquette.

[bichonlvr]

I kinda think that if people want $$$, then so be it, who is it for me to say what they want! That does not mean I HAVE TO GIVE IT to them! I figure they will have to buy there own whisks, bowls, sheets, towels etc., right?!?!

It's funny I almost always buy off of a wedding registry but never off of a baby one!

I love tht everyone has different opinions! :)

[StJohnBride]

You are definitely entitled to your opinion and many others may share it, and please don't take this as an attack on your opinion. But just to play "devil's advocate" for a sec ... isn't a regular registry also like the couple telling you how and where to give your money ;)

The way I personally look at it is that they are making it easy for me to give them a gift they will need/want/use. Now if someone I barley know sends me any kind of registry info I am usually a little offended, but that is another topic ;)

But all in all, I think it really just depends on how traditional you want to be and how worried you are about "proper" etiquette.
I see where you're coming from -- but I still disagree. Giving the couple gifts is to start them off -- not to help them pay off credit cards, student loans, etc. I would prefer to give them something I know they'll use, and that I have the pleasure of buying.

I like going out and choosing something for the couple. And many people like thinking that the couple will think of them every time they pull out that cake dome or whatever.

Giving "give me cash" as the only option leaves a bitter taste in my mouth is all.

[WebLady]

... I like going out and choosing something for the couple. And many people like thinking that the couple will think of them every time they pull out that cake dome or whatever.
That makes sense, and I like to remember things ppl buy me and like to by things ppl will remember too. But the alternative registry thing usually comes up with couples that live together and have all the traditional registry items.

If you already have a home together then you probably already have toasters, china, glassware and cake domes; what should those ppl do for a registry?

Please know that this is not just to debate your view 'StJohnBride', I fully understand and respect your opinion. I am just throwing things out there as there are alot of different ppl that will read this ;)

While I agree that it is in bad taste to just say "give me cash" but, I think there are other alternative ways for friends and family to give gifts that the couple need and will want and use.

I have even seen couples register for other household things like DVD players and such.

I also think this goes along with how traditional everything else in the wedding in general is; if the event is going to be fairly formal and traditional then ppl will expect that you would follow the general "normal" flow with everything else, including the registry.

But there will always be more traditional ppl that will see anything other than the traditional registry as a little odd and/or be a bit offended no matter how things are presented or worded.

[StJohnBride]

I see what you're saying.

I struggled with the decision to register just about a month ago. FH and I have lived together for a while, own a house, and have all the basics we need. We ultimately decided to register because we know some people WANT to give us physical gifts and will not give cash. And if they're going to do that anyway, we might as well give them some direction.

Those who would prefer to give a check/cash/whatever will do it anyway. Whether we register or not. Some won't give anything, and they would do that either way.

I'm totally cool with registering for DVD players, camping equipment, whatever. Would I purchase those things as a gift giver? No. But register away and hope someone else will. Which is why I like options. I like to be able to give something more traditional or something fun, depending how (and how well) I know the couple.

I don't see the difference between this type of registry and pretty much telling guests "we want cash". Why pay a site for its service when it's just collecting your money, presumably taking a percentage, and giving you the rest? PERSONALLY I think it's off-putting to say "gimme cash" and this is the same thing.

I see your point, I just respectfully disagree. :)