Shower help

[StJohnBride]

FH's aunt INSISTED on throwing me a shower. (I never agreed, but she thinks I did - that's a whole other story.)

A little background: FH and I are having a destination wedding with no guests. Once we come home, we're hosting a small dinner at a restaurant.

She sends me an invitation, and listed as co-hosts are FH's aunt, and two of her cousins. Neither of the cousins were on the dinner invitation list. Sigh. So now I feel pressured (obligated) to invite them to the dinner. I've never met either of them, FH does NOT want them there. Who else did his aunt invite that I'll be bullied into inviting? I'm so upset with her.

And she keeps changing the location, even though invitations are out. Granted, the only people I gave her the address for was my best friend, my mom, and sisters.

Do I call and ask, so I can re-evaluate my guestlist (invites for the dinner have not gone out), or not, and just let it be her breach of etiqutte for not consulting me? Like FH says, she can invite the world - how can that mean that we have to? We wanted an intimate dinner with only people who we care for deeply. Not random family members.

[bichonlvr]

Form what a ton of people have told me if you are having a destination or a small wedding, you are more free to invite people who are not coming to the wedding etc. to the shower!

At first I was very hesitant to invite people who are not being invited to the wedding to my shower, but after talking to a few of these people, they all said they would be more offended by not being invited to the shower, people understand when things are small!

I still think it is weird, but if people want to have a shower for you or come to a shower for you...let them! People get excited about weddings and LOVE!!!

[gennymac]

When someone holds a shower for you, they can invite anyone they want to and hopefully they will ask the bride (and groom if it's co-ed).

This in no way implies these people are invited to anything else, nor are you expected to have them on wedding/reception/follow-up dinner invitations.

Go with a smile, be glad they care enough to do something nice for you, and enjoy the limelight.

Then have a wonderful wedding and a great return home dinner with those whom you love.

I wouldn't mention this to anyone in your family - just leave it alone - less stress, less drama.

Enjoy ! You gotta tell us what she gives you for a wedding gift. Bet it's a good one !

Gen

[LMW-S]

I wouldn't worry about inviting those people to the wedding. Normally it's understood that there is going to be a destination wedding and something later for the family. They know that you cannot invite everyone. Don't stress over it. You have way to many things to be thinking about when planning a wedding rather than people with bad moods!

[StJohnBride]

As much as I want to believe you all, and just go and have fun - I'm getting an ulcer over this. I fear the aunt will say "oh just come, here are the details". :(

[bichonlvr]

Then cool...if people want to come and SHOWER you with love, etc. Let them...no one is forcing anyone to come!!!! RELAX a bit!!!

[recentlymarried]

We had a similiar situation with our wedding - people inviting other members of the family. For us it was an aunt who was invited to the shower that I had never met (my husband's aunt) and she brought her two girls (who I also didn't know and weren't invited). So since they came to the shower I had to invite them to the wedding even though they weren't on the list. Luckily I hadn't sent the invites out yet so I was able to include them on it. But it's up to you. If you really don't want to invite them to the dinner, don't. Or if the timing works out right, if after you finally meet them you like or dislike them make a decision after that. Good luck.

[StJohnBride]

Slight update - we've modified our guestlist so NO non-immediate family or close friends of OURS are invited. None of my parents' friends, cousins, etc. If they come, then we'll tell them the room won't accomodate more. (Which is true - we were at our max w/o these bullies.) FI said he would be the one to speak up, too. WOO HOO.

Thanks to all who offered opinions. I was doing so well with the wedding stress until now.